How do I plan this party?

This is a perfect teaching moment. Your daughter needs to learn that it would be far worse to damage another child than for her not to do her preferred birthday activity. I'd talk about it with her and let her come to this realisation herself.

I agree it’s not nice to leave one out. From the PPs I’d say either look for another activity, pick a couple of girls and then a couple of cousins/boys, put the feelers out (hi all - looking at options for parties for this date, it would be hugely helpful to know if you’d be around…let me know by….)

that’s a horrible thing to do to a child.

There was a similar thread a week back where a child chose an activity for their birthday some other friends couldn’t do (for medical reasons). I’ll give the same advice as I gave then, she needs to do another activity that can include all her friends. This activity can wait for another occasion.

Interestingly enough many replies to that other thread were along the lines of “it’s her birthday she should do what she wants” which is terrible parenting and just the way to bring up a spoilt brat. So good to see that almost all replies here are sensible and suggesting the opposite.

If it was me, I think I'd say to DD that we couldn't invite all the girls but one to the party, so she could choose between: (1) doing the activity she's chosen but inviting fewer friends, (2) doing the activity but inviting a mix of girls and boys, or (3) doing something different for the party but being able to invite all the girls, or the whole class if you have the budget for that. Then if she's more bothered about the activity, she can pick that, and if she's more bothered about the specific friends, she can pick something else.

And hope that only applied to one child? 🙄

Don’t ’see if you can convince her’ she is a child and you therefore have to make the adult decision to not leave one child out.

What a ridiculous take. OP wouldn’t be teaching her child that others matter more than her on her birthday - she would be teaching her the value of inclusion, empathy, and basic kindness.

But then what happens if they all reply saying they can come?!

I’d invite everyone, put a really short rsvp deadline, and hope that someone couldn’t come!

This is a good way to demonstrate to your child how to be very unkind and to encourage her to be so. If this isn't your aim, either

• invite less children i.e. do the activity with her and 3 of the other girls
• do as above, then invite 4 people from outside school (cousins, or friends from clubs, church, whatever)
• assuming her class is boy heavy, not just a tiny class of girls, invite some boys say 3 or 4 boys and 4 or 5 girls.
• change the activity or find a different place that does that activity, but allows a few more children

I agree that it’s not right to exclude one girl from the class. Your daughter needs to either invite some friends outside of school, some of the boys from her class or find another activity.

If you do the activity in half term, is there any possibility that two of the girls will be on holiday so you could do it then?

Oh gosh that would be devastating for the child. Agree with most - either invite fewer or so something else. It’s really horrible to leave one child out from such a small group.

One of the girls not included is the one that can't come. She might be OP's DD best friend.

OP doesn't say how older her daughter is, but, it's highly likely that if she was asked to pick 7 out of 8 tomorrow, she would come up with a different 7.

I wonder how many DD actually is bothered about? I doubt it's as many as 7, in which case the answer is just to have the party with the 3 or 4 others who are her closest friend. Maybe doing the activity not as a party package.

I wouldn't do this. Etiquette says it's half or less invited, or everyone. Just leaving out one is very unkind.

You don't do this activity, or you only invite a few from the class.

That situation would feel different, and that would still feel somewhat awkward if they are all a group that usually do things together. I think that only 4 should be invited so that it is only half of them or another activity for all of them.

Do you actually have children? Would you like them to be the one not invited?

*2 girls

2 girls aren't included. Doesn't matter if one is away. She still couldn't go because there's only 8 spaces.

It is indeed life. It was something my mother taught me at this time. Because some things have a limit

If the girls were friends, I'd expect the girl would have already wanted something all of them could attend

It's not one out of a friendship group if the daughter isn't bothered that 2 people can't come

Maybe the ones not included are the girls who play with the boys more. Or are the mean girls. Or the girls happy to keep to themselves (I was that girl. I didn't care if I wasn't invited because being in my own space was better and it was away from the mean girls)

Yes but this seems rather mean leaving one girl out. There are 10 girls but @BirthdayPartyPooper already knows one can't go, leaving 9. Only 8 can attend, so this is where it is mean saying to only invite 7 others as 1 girl will be left out. As I said, how would people feel if this was the other way round and it was your child being the 1 left out. Would you just say to them 'that's life'. We are assuming all these girls are friends, so it would be a shame for 1 child to miss out.

Yes it is

"You have picked the thing you want for your birthday but to make everyone happy instead you need to change and be a people pleaser. Even on your birthday, other people matter more than you"

It's 2 because there are 10 girls and only 8 spaces

That's life sometimes

There will be things come up with school, work, clubs, life which only so many spaces are available and not everyone can go

If OP's is choosing her 7 closest friends out of a mixed sex class and they are 7 out of the 9 other girls, then this suggests a class where predominantly the girls play together (and not with the boys). Therefore this is akin to leaving one child out (the child who can't come is irrelevant, as that's the reason she won't be invited) of a friendship group. The only reason you could probably get away with doing this would be if the girl did always play with the boys (so it's not leaving one out of a friendship group).

Of course it's fine not to invite everyone to everything, but you can't invite everyone bar one person without it looking personal.

Tell her to pick a different activity so that everyone can come

No, that is not the lesson here.