Sudden fear of ‘active holiday’ at 50

Tell them anyone who capsizes you is going to be doing all their own laundry, cooking and clearing up for ever after. You don’t have to put up with that kind of shit. Plenty of other ways to be fun.

And surely the whole point of Mark Warner is that everyone can do their own thing? They can go off and sail while you do tennis, a weights class or visit the local shops. Then reconvene for meals.

I had this on our last ski-ing holiday. Our dc were about 12 and 14 then and I was late 40's. I was always a very confident skier! Husband suggested alcohol as it was 'in my head'. So, at the next cafe we came to on our way down, I had a pint of beer. Something was unlocked and that was it! Over it!

YANBU to feel like this if your family are being arseholes.

But please dont let it put you off. We did lots of Neilson beach club hols when I was your age and DD was a teen (believe me she’d have utterly hated nails and shopping!😂). There were loads of middle aged parents participating with varying levels of ability. The staff were great at helping anyone who capsized (it does happen by accident).

i got to be able to sail a laser 4.7 in pretty good wind (dd liked windsurfing so we went to windier locations than if we’d just sailed) - and honestly every year before the first session I’d be shitting myself beforehand (as in literally needing to dash to the loo just before!) but then I’d really enjoy it.

I got to 55 and decided enough was enough. If my DH and DC (3 sporty active older teens and young adults) wanted to be active on holiday they could be. And I wouldnt.
Yes we all should remain active and challenge ourselves blah blah blah
But if I don't want to cold water swim/ coasteer/ fell run/ SUP I bloody well won't.
I'll stay in the cottage/ hotel and read and drink tea.
It is your holiday too. And your life.

I agree with this but also with TheLette - is there any chance that you could have even a weekend break away with a friend to do the kind of activities you would enjoy? I had a long weekend in Amsterdam last year with two friends, we enjoyed the museums and shopping very much...

This is a very good point. I've been sailing a lot, and DH and DD never behaved like this.

Do you need to keep challenging yourself? Keeping fit and healthy is important, but there are no rules to say this has to be scary or unpleasant. I think living half a century gives you the insight to know your own mind and the right, after years of doing other people's stuff, to do what you actually enjoy, not what you think you should be doing.

It’s ok to set some new boundaries on what’s fun and what isn’t for the group. Don’t have to be a killjoy. Prob doing future friends/girlfreinds a favour too

enjoy your holiday how you want it

Men threatening to capsize you is bullying. Men enjoying threatening to dump you in the water deliberately is misogyny.

I would talk to them how misogynistic this is and that it's outright bullying. It's not fun when the target is afraid, unless they're sadists.

If they don't change their tune after being told to stop the bullying immediately, go do your thing and let them go sailing themselves.

I've been sailing quite a bit. No one ever has joked about dumping someone in the water. It's not funny. I think their mindset is dangerous.

Them threatening to dump you in open water is almost deliberately trying to frighten you and I wouldn't have it.

YABU to think that only boys like active holidays. My daughter never wanted to go round shops or have her nails painted.
I found that having active teenagers - even girls! keeps you fit, but don't be afraid to make adjustments or be clear on what you're doing. I'm pretty much doing the same at 65 as 45, but there are adjustments, and I do adapt schedules.

I hope you enjoy your holiday but I also think you should consider why your holiday must always be an active one. All the family should enjoy the holiday, otherwise what's the point. There must be some way of having a holiday where you can do a bit of what you'd like to do too, whilst your kids are also happy. If not, can you book a separate trip with some friends/other family?

Are they joking about capsizing everyone? If so then it will all be fine I am sure. If it is just you and it's a 'lets all mock the middle aged woman' vibe I would find myself drawn to the spa and beach instead.

I think we lose confidence if we read stuff about 50-ish year old women, and what we are supposed to be/do/not do/not wear, etc. I stopped doing that and try to just go with the flow. If I feel capable and want to do something I do it, if not, I won’t - either way age doesn’t come into it. You’ll enjoy it when you get there op.

Tell them you feel a bit fragile and in need of TLC please. There really is no rule that you have to scrum down and be gung ho if you don’t feel like it. Take care of yourself! Maybe your holiday right now would ideally be something gentle and girly, and that’s absolutely fine. Being adaptable is great, being over adaptive, not so much.

It's easy to lose confidence particularly when the media shows us so few active older women, but it's so important for our health to keep active as it's very much a use it or lose it situation. I'd be clear with your family how you're feeling, make clear what you really don't want (capsizing!), and use the holiday as an opportunity to get moving and challenge what you think is possible. I thoroughly recommend a look at these amazing photos and reading some of the stories behind them for inspiration:

alexrotasphotography.co.uk/galleries/postcards/

Probably you'll be fine once you get out there! If you can acknowledge the feelings but also remind yourself that they will go once you get into it, might help?

Although I would tell your family members that you are not in the right place to be messed with/teased/ capsized and under no circumstances are they to undermine your confidence on this. Get your partner to back you up