To think most people on here are slightly unhinged?

There are some unhinged people. It seems to be a competition to post the bitchiest thing possible on the most innocuous thread, especially if they've posted it on AIBU.

The racists who deny they're racists are rife on MN too - often trying to deflect through pretending they care about women's rights - although they're rife everywhere at the moment tbf.

The thing I find weirdest about MN are this whole breed of posters who have jobs paying £150K plus, are high flyers with multiple houses and kids at private school (where they have to pay VAT, grrr) and yet somehow find time to spend their whole lives on an internet forum.

Being on MN for a long time will also teach you that a huge number of AIBU threads are fake. However MN swiftly deletes any post that suggests a story may not be entirely true, even the most outlandish, fast moving threads. They have an agenda to keep traffic going which brings in great ad revenue so they tend to turn a blind eye to threads if they're pulling in views.

A lot of people also use MN to seed political ideas, creating fictional stories that can easily turn people's opinions about something (Gaza, vaccines, trans, migrants, A&E to name a few). I'm almost certain I've seen a near-identical thread to the current A&E one a few months ago, down to the same wording of the title and structure of the opening post.

So this isn't genuinely a place where you can believe anything. That makes "being kind" pretty silly because it means you're naive and easy to manipulate. It's honestly more fun to give an unhinged thread unhinged replies because at the end of the day, this is just a silly way to pass the time for everyone.

I completely agree with this.
Some posters are unkind and rude. Some are more honest than others. Some are a bit judgmental. Some just have very different opinions to you. All
of them would possibly do or say the complete opposite of faces with the person in real life.
‘Being kind’ isn’t always useful. It reinforces poor choices or incorrect beliefs. Sometimes people need a very firm wake up call.

😂

It’s crazy. People get angry at the op for ridiculous reason. Op might come here and say something like “I don’t think children should be eating haribos every day” and people will throw all sorts of insults and even comments like “well my child is 34 so I can hardly stop them. What would you expect me to do seeing as you’re the perfect mum?!”

But that one word was "unhinged"

Hardly a neutral word. It is condescending and judgemental on thousands of people.

I would say #bekind (as a joke) - but she has already declared that she is a genuinely kind person, so no point

Me too…a highlight of this post.

Does anyone say unhinged in real life? I think it’s pure mumsnet

'Swathes' 😂

I’m only really on here these days for the Swarovski adverts.

I think people are absolutely nuts coming on here looking for advice. It seems like 80% of people just want to throw more shit at them. God help them if they have any few pounds to their name or have been given any bit of advantage in life. The crazy entitled CFs actually get a less rough time.

You get some on just about every forum*, whatever the topic. Sad little people who enjoy having a safe, anonymous go at other people. I often think that in RL they’d probably hardly dare to say boo to a goose.

*the only forum I’ve used where it was very uncommon, but still not entirely unknown, was one for the carers of people with dementia.

I agree with you to a degree. I think the anonymous nature of Mumsnet encourages some people to act without restraint and say things they would never say in real life. Those who spend time on the site daily, posting constantly, often seem bored and in search of validation, or simply trying to stir things up by being outrageous. Subtlety and nuance rarely seem to have a place here. I do like the gardening advice though and the dog photos and the deliberately contrary fashion advice in Style and Beauty.

if you ask is my bum fat in this in real life you don't get the truth

That isn't always true. When I was a much younger, and less experienced man, I was asked "does this dress make my bum look big?"

Apparently, saying no, it's not the dress it's all the cake and chocolate is the incorrect answer. I now know that a better answer might be "it isnt very slimming ".

I think I was 19 at the time, and it was my sister who asked, so youth and sibling relationships played a part.

I find if AIBU gets too much a wander through other parts of the site are worth tracking down. The gardening page is usually calm and interesting and has useful advice, and although I know nothing about horses I quite like an amble in the Tack Room.

I won’t even set foot on Twitter anymore, Mumsnet is very tame in comparison.

Some OPs do set up themselves for an open goal to be fair, so they get hit the worst because they are either triggering or just too easy for people to put the boot in.

They are usually new to the site and completely oblivious to just how awful a pile on is. I would imagine they are entirely blindsided when it happens and I feel sorry for them.

Online forums etc sadly seem an outlet for people to be very unpleasant or behave badly without any of the usual filters they would normally use in real face to face life. Mostly because they’re anonymous. Almost seems like a verbal punchbag and quite horrible to see the bullying. Agree with PP, makes you realise how unpleasant humans generally are.

If only we had a block function! 🤣
(I’m on a thread where I’m one of the few that actually would like this to happen).

I don't think people interact online as they would in real life.

There is a sense that it's not really real/doesn't matter so you can be as blunt as you want. When it's anonymous as well there is no pushback whereas IRL if you went around a playgroup or the school gates or your workplace saying the kinds of things people say online, you'd be ostracised.

But also I have noticed that a lot of people seem to react to MN threads as though they are some kind of fiction novel or entertainment drama/soap opera or an issue of Take a Break. Asking for updates, suggesting OP says or does something ridiculously OTT to see what happens, playing armchair detective/psychologist, picking apart people's responses because they don't fit the extended narrative they have come up with in their heads. I wouldn't be surprised if there is something in the way we react to a friend/family member telling us something IRL vs reading an account of something online.

I know there are studies which show when we hear someone's voice, even if it's a recording, we have more empathy for what they are saying and their situation whereas when you have an exchange with a stranger, you tend to read ther interactions as more hostile. I think that can be why some people get riled up and then respond in a hostile fashion themselves.

Then there is a fascinating thing specific to some kinds of internet boards - AIBU definitely has this, Relationships to an extent, AITA on Reddit, some other parts of Reddit (mainly the relationship advice parts, but any advice type forum can have it) where the pattern is that consciously or not, posters are seeking a villain. Once I saw this pattern I couldn't unsee it! This is a great description: https://www.cartoonshateher.com/p/what-happens-to-people-who-ask-reddit

This ! Its the same user names that crop up regularly .

You know what they say when someone thinks everyone else is mad but they’re not? 🥹

Oh the first page of aubi is just knee jerk responses from people who literally refresh the site every few minutes and reply to everything.
Some OPs do set up themselves for an open goal to be fair, so they get hit the worst because they are either triggering or just too easy for people to put the boot in.
However on the contrary I have seen some excellent support on the parenting or relationships forums on more slow burn postings.
I think this place has loads of lovely sympathetic people, but you need to skip the first page, and probably then read every second post.

Someone used a different word to one you would have used because they're not you 🤷🏻‍♀️

My point still stands. It's not responding to the question or adding anything to the discussion. You just chose to criticise the OP for their use of one word.

I don't care for the classism, benefit bashing, ageism, racism and misogyny shown by SOME posters. So, when I see it on a thread I tend to put forward a counter view and often get lots of agreement, so I know that not everyone on the site holds those views. If you see an OP being treated badly, why not just post supportively on the thread itself and challenge the person being 'unhinged'?