Pissed off over photos

I don't share family photos on social media & never have done

But i.still want nice photos! Its bizarre that everyone thinks anyone who wants a nice photo only wants it for social media

YES!

The more of mumsnet I read the the more depressing i find people.

The op was not asking for:

1. A professional photo shoot
2. Photos only for instsgram / sm
3. Elaborate, posed photos

She clearly stated that she wanted:

1. A couple of photos of her & dd where her child was not moving or wriggling

She clearly managed to get some photos of family with dd where everyone was looking good

She did this (whilst hosting a party) presumably without needing to arrange a professional photo shoot. Nor does she seem to have needed to set up elaborate or 'stiff poses'

Yet, its pronounced by many that its too much for her to expect that she might have similar - a nice photo of her & her baby together during the party.

Why are we still carying on like its too much for the woman, the mother, to have any expectations of being celebrated too on the occasion of her child's 1st birthday

We're not skivvies there only to serve & look after everyone else!

My mum kept extensive physical albums, which took lots of time and energy to put together. We all love and cherish the albums, however it's really sad to see how few photos we have of our mum with us as kids. I keep and maintain physical albums too and realised that I'd have to ensure I was in the pics (nice pics, not eyes half closed or mouthfuls of food).

Not everything is for the 'gram (I don't even have SM!)

Sorry I think you’re being unreasonable and a bit petty. Some of the people you’ve deleted photos of might not be here in 10 years plus it’s hardly their fault.

I think you’d be reasonable to have a word with your DH/ DP and ask him to take a photo, maybe even before the event starts, but I wouldn’t have expected guests to faff about with me and my DC posing the perfect photo.

My daughter and I share a birthday. That was a quite a present! However, the photos of me and my daughter on her first birthday are terrible! I'm laughing or blinking, and she's not even in focus! I didn't care. You know why? Because photos for social media aren't important and perfect photos for your phone camera roll or album aren't always necessary. Enjoy the moment. It still happened.

Why would she need to explain she had deleted photos? How would her daughter ever know they had existed?
Although I probably wouldn't delete them but just keep them private to myself not send them to the people who couldn't be bothered to rake a nice one of her after she had invited them to her child's birthday and took photos of them but they couldn't return the favour

''I am now refusing to send out photos. And I have deleted the best ones (not best ones of DD, but some excellent ones of other people). If they want photos, they can take it themselves.''

Oh my goodness OP that's so petty!
So because you didn't like any of the photos of yourself you deleted the good ones of guests but kept the poor ones.
That says more about you than about them.

I understand why you are disappointed but I think you had unrealistic expectationd of other people. No-one was going to care as much as you about this, they were invited to a party and wanted to enjoy it, not take on the role of official photographer for the day. You perhaps should have asked a good friend or relative to step in and take care of that for you, as a favour and as gift to your DD, in advance. Expecting people to spend time staging beautiful shots on the day instead of just grabbing snaps here and there, was never going to work.

OP has said nothing about social media - and nor would I.
I want photos for me - for me to look back on now and when I'm old and to treasure the memories that are reinforced by lovely photos.

I’m with you op! This is the same with my family. I take all the photos and I do ask if I can get some with me in them too but wish I would get a few candid natural ones like I take of others when they are playing or walking ahead holding hands etc. We went on holiday recently and you wouldn’t even know I was there! Not a single photo of me with my children on holiday 😭😭

Exactly why it's important for people to try to take a nice photo of them together!

Im with you OP. I've had the same over the years. Always taking photos for other people so they have plenty to choose from and no-one returning the favour. Until my DD got older. She makes sure there's a nice photo of me.
Do you have someone you can confide in that can help you get nice photos.
And to the posters saying get a photo shoot - that's not the same at all.

I agree with you OP I always use to take nice photos of people with my kids but no one tried or asked to take one of me i had to ask them and even then they never made much effort. Its your baby you gave birth to so if course you should be in photos with them on their birthday.

They might well have been taken what was considered classically to be a nice photo of the op but they didn’t match up to modern Instagram pose standards. It’s probably a generational thing. For what it’s worth, when op and her DD are a bit older it will be the natural photos that feel more meaningful.

You sound incredibly stressed and as though you would benefit from talking to someone honestly about what's really going on. Do you have any really good friends?

I'd be a bit careful OP. If you carry on with this sort of attitude you will be on here next year upset because no-one came to your DDs second birthday.

I must say it's yet another reason why I'm so glad - like a lot of people of my generation- that I'm heading towards the exiting end of my journey through life.

To think that people judge their self worth on other people wanting to take photos of them would be funny if it weren't so depressingly sad.

I get your disspointment OP, but I also think that having a professionally done shoot is always a good idea. You'll get high quality pictures and there will be tons of them. As a hobbyist photographer and someone who loves being photographed, I'm telling you there is NO coming back from a professionally done photo shoot 😂
The thing is, most people aren't exactly good at taking pictures. If you still have some taken that day and there are decent ones that are just blurry, here is a good article on how you can sharpen them a bit https://photo-works.net/how-to-sharpen-blurry-photo.php

Even if there aren't any and you decide against booking a professional photographer, just know that you have every right to be dissapointed, even if it's a minor thing to some.

Dear God, i agreee, the reading comprehension is low on this thread!

I get it op & it's not 'nothing'. Yes, there will be (hopefully) other joyful occasions to get photos. But your dd will never be 1 again.

My dh messed up ALL of our newborn baby photos 20 years ago (we were given a brand new digital camera & he made a unilateral decision to try to use it as a manual camera & messed with the settings. No he didnt not know what he was doing. No i dont have any idea why he thought this was a good plan. No ge can't explain it either. Yes i'm still upset by it 20 years later. No I won't 'get over it')

Anyway this was back in the day when you got photos developed so you had no idea how good (or bad) they were till you'd get them back.

I couldn't figure out why all the 'lovely' photos of me & dd were all red / orange / blurry etc but there were LOADS of gorgeous ones with dh (obvs taken by me using the camera as intended)

I admit I cried when I realised what he'd done. Because there's no going back in time.

Anyway op i totally understand. Do you have a partner? Can you get him to take some nice shots of you & dd? Or is he the one who says photos are pointless? While he presumably has loads of gorgeous ones? Taken by you !

You should not have to book a professional photo shoot & ignore posters saying that - implying you're being precious about this. You're not!

Surely the most important photo is of the kid? Thats what youll look back on in years to come, not the mum?

Is a one year old's birthday a big occasion? Ask your daughter what she thought of it, including her mother being upset at not looking her best in the photos. The chances are you'll look back at the photos in years to come, think how natural they are and have a laugh about it.

Ahh op I’m sorry - you sound hurt and let down, and also seems like there’s a bit more to this than it just being about the photos. AIBU sometimes isn’t the best place for validation. Hope you have a better day today.

So the photo thing isn’t really the issue?

Your highly emotional response to this photo thing does suggest that actually the lack of a good photo is the least of your problems.

I remember when mine was that age. I felt like I, as a person, didn’t exist anymore. I was just Mummy, or wife, or ‘mother of my grandchild’ - Swiftie didn’t exist as a person in her own right.

It’s a horrible time for yourself esteem, but it does pass. You will get yourself back - in my case when my DC was about 4 years old.

Hang tight, roll with it, you are being a great mum and will be proud of yourself in hindsight.

I have recently found all the photos from both my DD's first Birthdays. There are NONE of me on any of them because I was too busy capturing the day and taking photos of my DD's with their family, their grandparents etc and enjoying myself. There is not one 'posing shot'. The photos are lovely, and some lovely photos of my DD's but even more precious are the photos of them with my parents, who are both now dead. They mean the world to me now more than any 'posing shots'. They are real and you can see the happiness and joy in their faces as they help my little ones open presents and blow out candles etc.....

I get you are pissed off that no-one could be bothered to spend a few minutes taking a nice photo of you both. It is shit when you feel you took time to make sure everyone else got a nice photo, but in the whole scheme of things I think you need to just stop trying to find perfect insta worthy photos and enjoy the ones you have capturing the day and the occasion.

I think deleting all the nice ones of other people with your DD is really spiteful and childish and you may live to regret that one day when those people are gone.