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Original poster

Pissed off over photos

370 replies

ChubbyBoobs456 · 27/08/2025 00:31

DD's first birthday today. No one could be bothered to take a good photo of me. I have a handful of photos, either me talking, or in just a terrible pose, DD crying, DD not looking at camera. Not for lack of effort from my side, I tried but no one had the patience to take a good one. Fuck sake. I made an effort with everyone. Everyone has at least one excellent shot. Not me. It's ruined my night. I'm not normally this self centred but I literally gave birth to this human a year ago. I don't know why it's made me feel so ugly and unappreciated.

I am now refusing to send out photos. And I have deleted the best ones (not best ones of DD, but some excellent ones of other people). If they want photos, they can take it themselves.

OP posts:
PotatoBreadForTheWin · 27/08/2025 07:20

gandeysflipflop · 27/08/2025 04:04

I feel your pain op. mine are teens now but I have absolutely no photos of me in the moment with either of my dc because no one fkin thought to take a photo of me their mother with them, yes lots of shots of everyone else with them because I was the one behind the camera but absolutely none of me. the odd rare photo I do have is because I asked dp or my mother to take which they reluctantly did but the shot was always posed and not in the moment and took at a shit awful angle so is crap. I just wanted someone to think and recognise a lovely moment between mother & child and take a one second snap shot but no it never happened, even after I mentioned it time & time again.
It really upset me that I'd have a camera roll full of grandma hugging dc or a lovely photo of their dad playing with them so I stopped taking them as it hurt that it was always someone else in the shot and not me.
why does no one think to to ever take snapshots of mums with their child. I certainly will with my own dd if she becomes a mother one day.
Even typing this has made me annoyed that I didn't ever get the lovely photos I'd have treasured.

Same in my house/family

after one of the many birthday parties a friend sent me 3 lovely photos of me with my son that she had captured. Exactly as you describe, not posed but natural moments. I don’t look great in them but I love those photos. When I thanked her she said she always tries to take a couple of the mum as she’s busy orchestrating the day and dads rarely think to do it. It’s so true and I now try to do the same for others.

MysticHalfWitch · 27/08/2025 07:19

At events such as this, I always try to get a nice photo before it starts as it’s not going to happen when there’s loads going on. I’m a single mum so set a timer on my phone.

notacooldad · 27/08/2025 07:17

I don't need a professional shoot. Just someone to take 30 seconds to make sure they're taking a good shot.

Why didn't you do what me and my mates do? Review the picture after taking and then say 'Delete!!!!' Take it again!' and tell them that you want to look good in it.

sparkleghost · 27/08/2025 07:17

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notacooldad · 27/08/2025 07:17

I don't need a professional shoot. Just someone to take 30 seconds to make sure they're taking a good shot.
J
Why didn't you do what me and my mates do? Review the picture after taking and then say 'Delete!!!!' Take it again!' and tell them that you want to look good in it.

sparkleghost · 27/08/2025 07:17

I am the least photogenic person in the world. I used to delete half the photos of any event or night out because I didn’t like how I looked in them. Now I keep them all if DS is in them - even if you can see my tonsils or 18 chins have materialised out of nowhere - because I want to remember every moment with him.

YANBU to feel upset and unappreciated if you organised it all and specifically asked others to take 5 minutes to take a nice photo of you both. Reading between the lines, is feeling unappreciated a running theme which is exacerbating this?

I do think YABU a bit to delete any and let this spoil your memory of DD’s birthday, though. Try to cherish the ones you have of DD on her own. Maybe you could organise a photoshoot day where this will be the sole focus? Make it a nice day - just the two of you - and enjoy it outside of the pressures of her big day.

BitOutOfPractice · 27/08/2025 07:16

I do actually get you op. I had the exact same thing at DD2’s 21st. I made sure I got a picture of everyone with her. Was there a single one of me? Nope. I was really upset. Not because I’m vain. Or because I wanted it du be all about me. But because nobody had bothered, when I had. It hurt.

CustardCream31 · 27/08/2025 07:15

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 27/08/2025 01:20

I get it OP.

I don't think you're making it about you at all.

It's the fact you grew and birthed this gorgeous little human. You've nourished and nurtured her. You are always there behind the scenes.

You were literally behind the scenes making sure everyone had a moment of recognition, wonderful candid shots and beautiful memories.

You can't turn back the clock and you took the opportunity when you could to make sure that timestamp was captured for everybody else because it is special and important and whether it's important to anyone else on this thread is irrelevant because it is important to you.

You wanted a beautiful snapshot in time of a precious moment you'll not get back. It won't be her first birthday ever again. Sure she will be 1 year plus 1 day, but the celebration is gone.

It wouldn't have killed anybody to think do you know what this moment needs to be commemorated.

YANBU to be upset over it. Be more assertive, make sure going forward you say can I have a look at that, no that won't do let's take it again from this angle. And repeat until you get what you're looking for. You deserve to not be behind the scenes all the time.

I totally agree with this!
I’m always the one capturing all the memories and “perfect” candid shots, but rare it happens for me. So I totally empathise with your upset over this.
Photos are my “happy thing” to look back on, cherish the memories and re-live those days.
Is it worth mentioning to your partner/family/close friends how much it means to you so they can be a bit more switched on next time? Sadly, some people don’t think and need to be directly told… they get so wrapped up in wanting to be around baby, that they forget mum!!

LillyPJ · 27/08/2025 07:13

It's really not important. And often the more candid, unposed shots are far more engaging than a stilted, unrealistic posed one.

Greyhound98 · 27/08/2025 07:13

I know what you mean, there’s very few photos of me with my children when they were young as ‘selfies’ didn’t exist in those days and it was always me doing the picture taking with an actual camera and roll of film and making everything nice while their father was largely absent so there was nobody to take any of me with them. The ones I do have are head chopped off, weird angles, eyes closed, that kind of thing. Makes me cross.

TheWayOfTheWorld · 27/08/2025 07:12

Get used to it. Hardly any good photos of me with my DC and they are young teens. Despite me asking DH to make an effort to take photos of me with DC from time to time. There are loads of them with him in candid moments: snuggling in bed, reading stories, playing games, on holiday. It’s going to be like I hardly existed 😔

PetuniaPetuniaPetunia · 27/08/2025 07:12

ChubbyBoobs456 · 27/08/2025 01:16

Anyway, I've been told, I'll put down my phone and not think about it anymore. Everyone thinks I'm unreasonable so that's what it is.

I'm still not sending anyone any photos. I'll keep them for myself / DD's album.

You do sound really petulant.

Tiredandtiredagain · 27/08/2025 07:11

Visun · 27/08/2025 07:07

YANBU. Sorry no one took a couple of minutes to get a half decent photo of you with your baby when you went out of your way to get good photos of them. You matter too.

Time to match their energy from now on. In future take quick photos of them. If they aren't good, oh well! You can't be arsed, just like they couldn't.

Edited

She’s matched their energy she’s deleted the best photos, job done.

Like a spoilt child.

SunshineAndFizz · 27/08/2025 07:09

I mean this kindly, are you okay?

What else is going on, are you unhappy with something else in your life? This sounds like unvented anger about a ‘real’ issue coming out over something small like photos.

Husband not pulling his weight? Stressed about going back to work? Child not sleeping?

Globules · 27/08/2025 07:09

I've always loved taking photos for the memories. I used to take my 110 cartridge camera out clubbing and other such places.

I realised a long time ago that others don't place such a weight on capturing the memories. And that's ok.

If you took photos of others, but they didn't take them of you, I suspect you're more of a photo memory girl than them. And that's ok too. Don't get cross with them because they don't see things the way you do.

Lincslady53 · 27/08/2025 07:08

Put the best photo of the night into Chatgbt and ask it to improve what you dont like.

Visun · 27/08/2025 07:07

YANBU. Sorry no one took a couple of minutes to get a half decent photo of you with your baby when you went out of your way to get good photos of them. You matter too.

Time to match their energy from now on. In future take quick photos of them. If they aren't good, oh well! You can't be arsed, just like they couldn't.

Sirzy · 27/08/2025 07:05

I think this is a way in which digital photos are an issue for some. They expect instant perfection and will expect the children to pose until it’s achieved. With a good old film camera you had 30 shots for the whole party so you took the pics and hoped for the best!

Don’t raise your daughter to think that perfection is important

kleverklogs · 27/08/2025 07:05

I’m sorry but I think you’re being ridiculous. Perhaps the other people there were busy enjoying the birthday party and making happy memories, not evaluating how good you look in their photos.
I hope your sulk helps you feel better and that you quickly move on.

Pricelessadvice · 27/08/2025 07:01

Remember the days before phones and digital cameras when people took pictures and had no idea what they’d come out like?

Get a grip OP, seriously.

SALaw · 27/08/2025 07:01

Wow

Mere1 · 27/08/2025 06:58

ChubbyBoobs456 · 27/08/2025 00:41

I don't need a professional shoot. Just someone to take 30 seconds to make sure they're taking a good shot.

But if photos of a big ocasion are so unimportant, no one should be bothered about their own photos either.

I can see why you are annoyed that no one got a good shot of you but you sound about as mature as your daughter.

FrogFalacy · 27/08/2025 06:49

Gently Op could you be suffering with post partum depression? This anger over photos doesn’t seem at all in proportion.
Ive been to a lot of child’s birthday parties and the focus is just on coming together as a family. There are very few posed photos at all that I have ever seen and most people like that - a lot of people like natural photos of just the day with people talking, baby pulling faces etc.
Weddings and big events have hired a photographer so it’s not comparable. But if you wanted a posed photo or a special photo why didn’t you ask husband, friend, mum to take one before party when things were calmer? It’s not that easy to get a 1 year old to sit still in chaos and your family might not have realised you wanted this sort of photo.
But you then feeling so angry and overlooked and ugly as a result is an extreme reaction which speaks of more going on here and possibly PPD.

Katherine9 · 27/08/2025 06:43

TheRoseDeer · 27/08/2025 06:23

I get your point, OP. I also am in the company of those whose husbands take awful photos or no patience to wait a few moments for a good shot. Whenever it is a photo moment for DH and DC I take several shots and one or two of those is usually pretty good (from a collection of ten for example). DH is opposite with me I have to sometimes ask for him to take a photo. He never spots a photo opportunity. It’s not for sharing or social media it’s for myself only and to have a nice memory of the moment.

DH will take one only and it’s no thought to the timing of pressing the button on the phone. So I look dreadful in all photos these days. Usually my mouth is hanging open or I have a weird expression on my face and I look awful.

How is it everyone else’s fault?

This was your daughter’s FIRST BIRTHDAY and you’ve focused purely on wanting a good photo of yourself and acting spitefully by deleting photos of others when it didn’t come to fruition.

I think you’ve behaved appallingly.

CoffeeCantata · 27/08/2025 06:43

DangerFrog · 27/08/2025 00:59

It feels like many people are missing the point here.

The OP cared enough about her guests, that she took the time to get nice photos of everyone who attended her daughter's first birthday.

Not one of those guests could be bothered to take the time required to get a nice photo of the OP.

A nice photo of OP is very subjective!

My old mum’s idea of a nice photo of me (or my children’s, come to that) was NOT the same as mine. I didn’t want to appear with a double chin but, looking down, that’s what I had sometimes- but only I cared or noticed.

It’s not that no one bothered to take a nice photo, I’m sure. They just can’t mind-read your personal ideal self-image.

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