Copycat Friend

I wish you luck, but I think you are going to have to be blunt and firm and close down any of her attempts to minimise what she is doing or laughing it off.

Hope it goes well.

Frame it as doing you a favour. She likes doing favours.

I can see how frustrating this must be. Well done for addressing it.

I’m a crafter, start sewing your own clothes and she won’t be able to copy you!

It's all very Single White Female isn't it? I couldn't cope with this, personally. I'd have to say something calmly but firmly and if she didn't accept it I'd have to break off the friendship.

This would drive me fuckin bonkers too. I’m sorry she clearly has low self esteem etc but it needs to stop. I’d tell her clearly, but more gently, what you’ve said here. If she doesn’t stop the friendship would be over for me.

This sound utterly suffocating. Do you think she'll take it on board and stop? I hope so for your friendship but it sounds like this is ingrained behaviour which will be very hard for her to shake long term.

I’ve got a friend who has great taste in clothes. Sometimes I’ll ask her where she got something and get it myself. I’d be mortified to wear it in her company. Our social circles don’t overlap much either so no chance of mutuals seeing us in the same outfit. Also she’s taller than me so everything looks that bit better on her!

edit: you’re right to be annoyed and I’d distance myself if I were you

Blimey she sounds utterly bonkers, and utterly unhinged. I would be cutting her off sorry @Moroccomummy I have cut off/ghosted 'friends' for less!

What is 'twinning it?'

I remember once I was sat on the bus. I just happened to glance at the people boarding and there stood right outside the window beside me was someone wearing an identical jumper to me. They can only have got it from the exact same shop. I was mortified. I thought I was the only one that had it. I sank into the seat and pulled my coat up over my neck too embarrassed to look as they walked past me to find a seat. That’s my reaction when I realise a complete stranger has the same top as me so I can’t imagine how I’d feel at a friend doing it on purpose. You have my sympathy but I do wonder if it’s a game to her where she will just play dumb and make you look like the problem?

Don't ASK her to stop copying!

TELL her to stop copying you because it's really annoying you!

If you value this friendship don't you think you should give her the true picture? Your proposed approach is so wet and wishy-washy I doubt she'd take it as seriously as it is. You would be guilty of deluding her.

Be frank and honest. TELL HER THE TRUTH

Her reaction be it emotional or not is not your responsibility remember.

Honestly, watch Single White Female with her (nuclear option!) and say you don’t want her copying you any longer. It’s extremely irritating, like you can’t have anything of your own.

It actually sounds like she is such a people pleaser that she will actually just take your criticism and then just pretend it never happened. If she's lending people money she can't afford to be "liked" by them, she really needs therapy.

Why not find one (for her) tell her you are going and how amazing it is and see if she books a session?

Well just bloody well tell her then! What's the point in just posting more examples of her obsessive copying when you're not telling her to pack it in or it's bye from you!

Yes she'll be hurt and upset, so tell or put up with it. Your choice.

I think it hasn’t helped that this behaviour has gone on for along time without being challenged. This means your friend has been able to find refuge in copying you and it has been one an ingrained habit.

it won’t be comfortable, but if you want things to change, you need to speak up. And don’t see her so much, either, then she’s got nothing to copy!

"Right now I’m not sure I even want to bother saving this friendship. Although I’m sure my mum will think I’m being silly."

Your mum isn't having to put up with this though is she?
It's like saying to you.. I want you to keep on doing something you don't like because I don't want to cause trouble with my friend..Don't rock the boat for my sake. but maybe Mum's friend should also be having a talk with her DD. her DD a talk

I think that this kind of copy cat behaviour is difficult because on the surface it doesn't matter if you are both wearing the same trainers, but ultimately it feels really uncomfortable because it makes you realise that you are under intense scrutiny and they are taking it to the next level by researching and putting effort into obtaining the same things you have or do and then waiting and observing you for the next thing. People may say its flattering just ignore it, but I think It just feels like you can't have any freedom, or do anything without this person noting it and showing you they've noted it.

If you are clear and reasonable, it doesn't have to rock the boat with the Mums. I think waiting to get a good opportunity to say certain things when there's an example right in front of you, may take a while and she may not get the hint. I'm sure you've probably given her plenty of hints and she doesn't recognise that you are talking about her behaviour.

It does sound like you have reached the end of your tether. Rather than waiting or exploding, perhaps you ought to take the bull by the horns and plan out what and how you want to get the message across. Best of luck OP.

Surprised at the responses, if she buys the same trainers as you how on earth does that affect you? It sounds very childish. Unless she’s saying you have copied her.

If it’s the same dress for the same social gathering- that’s different! but the shops don’t make dresses just for you to wear and why do you tell her where you’re going on holiday?

Before anyone jumps on, I’ve had this same situation with a work colleague right down to booking the holiday destinations I’d discussed and the only time it pissed me off is when she asked what I was wearing for a work night out and she went out and bought the same dress- twins for the night! We looked like work twins, all her doing and she was quite an unpleasant person to boot, cheating on her DH with married men etc.

Is she a good friend aside from the copy cat behaviour? You’ll have to sit her down and explain that it’s really upsetting you that she is buying the same things and travelling to the same places.

This is good. It’s not bitchy but it gets your point across.

No where near as bad as you but I had a friend/work colleague. We worked at the same school. I’ll be a bit vague but basically, in our year group, we had a specific dress up day (in line with the current topic). I found a few pieces of clothing in various charity shops and accessorised accordingly. I got lots of compliments with how great my costume looked.
Fast forward to the following year and I wore the same thing (wasn’t going to buy more clothes!) and she walked in dressed practically identically to me. Even down to the accessories!
Then I got a tattoo with a very personal meaning to me.
She wasn’t very complimentary and said how she doesn’t like tattoos etc etc. I left the school but we had a catch up a couple of years later and she had practically an identical tattoo, in the same place as mine on her body and she explained each part and its meaning - EXACTLY like mine!
It’s not flattering, it’s infuriating!

As you've kept her in the dark about how annoying it is all these years I believe you owe her the truth. Be frank and tell her either her copying ends or the friendship will.

Whatever you do she's going to get hurt but if she wants the relationship to continue she needs to change.

She'll be much more hurt if you keep schtum but explode in anger one day, or just ghost her.

Next time she asks where something is from I’d say “I’m sorry but I’m not telling you”. She will hopefully say why and then you can say “because I can’t handle it anymore, I don’t find it fun, it’s annoying and upsetting me, etc”. She will probably say “don’t be daft it’s a bit of fun, etc”. Then you need to repeat adding what you’ve said.
I had a friend who did this and it drove me bonkers and we lived together so would often leave the house dressed the same way and I’d be do embarrassed.

So what, though? It’s annoying you.

She sounds like a desperate people pleaser and probably can’t think for herself. I would have a gentle word. She may know she’s doing it but be unable to stop.

Resolve never again to tell her where you got something.
‘Ooh, I like that top, where did you get it’
’I’m not telling you, you’ll only go and get one for yourself’
’No I won’t!!’
’In that case you don’t need to know where it’s from do you.’
…could be a way of starting to refuse to tell her. If she takes a photo to go off and Google ‘you’re not going to use the photo to search for and get the same one, are you?’ ‘No, of course not!’
Then when she turns up wearing it ‘You said you wouldn’t do that!’
Gradually building up to the full confrontation which is about something that she probably doesn’t recognise in herself.