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Original poster

Copycat Friend

112 replies

Moroccomummy · 26/08/2025 23:56

My best friend is a copycat and it’s getting on my nerves. I am going to sound nasty, but I’m fed up and ready to walk away.

She copies everything I do. If I buy Sketchers, she buys Sketchers. If I buy a blue dress for an event, she buys a nearly but not quite identical dress. If I dye my hair, she asks for the colour. If I book a holiday to Crete, she wants my dates. Her favourite colour is whatever mine is. Her favourite animal is the same weird, obscure animal I’ve liked my whole life. If I change my look, she changes hers. If I decide I’m going to go boho chic, she’s suddenly boho chic. If I start collecting Cabbage Patch Kids, she starts collecting them too.

She talks of us twinning it. I can’t have anything without her asking where I got it and then going out and buying the same, wearing the same, using the same words, learning the same language, starting the same hobby…I feel like I’m not allowed my own identity. I feel like she’s stealing it. It’s embarrassing when people say ‘you two are like twins!’ Because I didn’t ask for that…but she aims for it. She suggests it to people.

I know imitation is supposed to be flattering, but I’m finding it suffocating. It’s exhausting trying to distance my self and reinvent myself to gain back an ounce of individuality, only for her to close the gap again. Not to mention expensive.

My husband also gets wound up about it. Says things like, “dont let Sam see your new trainers for gods sake”, then I find myself hiding them for as long as possible, so I can at least be seen in them first. Not because I want to be a trend setter, but because it’s embarrassing to think that other people see us together and think I’m in on this!

Tonight I’ve had enough. There’s been yet another incidence of copying and I feel beyond angry. I get that anyone can go and buy what they want and lots of people will have the same, but this is too much. I wouldn’t mind occasionally ‘Oh MoroccanMummy I love that sweater, would you mind if I got one too?’ Of course that would be fine. But I think she knows what she’s doing because she gets the same in a round about way…it was always an accident: she didn’t realise I had that sweater, or someone bought it for her by coincidence, or she already had it first and forgot. Or she sees me in it and says ‘oh I have that too’. The follows with ‘where did you get it from?’ I’m thinking - surely you know if you have it.

If I’m being unreasonable please say. It was either get really cross with her tonight or vent here. I chose vent. If I say anything, she just tells me ‘don’t be daft, no one will think that’ or ‘it’s fun!’.

I’m ready to walk away from her friendship completely.

OP posts:
PlacidPenelope · 29/08/2025 18:52

Sorry to hear that @Moroccomummy.

Friendships are not meant to make you feel the way you feel with this one, they are supposed to add to your life.

Your mum is not on the receiving end of it so will not see it as you experience it, your ex-friend is stealling your identity no matter how she tried to pretend otherwise.

You are bound to feel sad now but you will feel happier in the long run.

Take care of yourself and give yourself time to get over this.

Walkbyall · 29/08/2025 18:42

Ah, sounds like it was a hard day. Xx I think that maybe you couldn’t stick to the script because your emotions are so strong on this one. But also it seems like she has had her defence prepared just in case it ever came up. I’d be tempted to put it all in a text once you feel stronger, maybe even listing things. I had the exact same with my younger sister in our twenties and I called her out on it. She said that it’s bound to happen that we get some of the same things. I pointed out that it was everything i buy and it’s just too much. She definitely branched off after that thankfully.

Hoping you feel stronger soon anyway @Moroccomummy . My feeling is she will now play the hurt victim to deflect from the hard truth x

Original poster
Moroccomummy · 29/08/2025 18:36

FloofyKat · 29/08/2025 18:32

Good for you, speaking up for yourself. You knew she’d probably react like this (and you mum, too) so in your shoes I’d shrug my shoulders and leave her to it. It is ok to end friendships - and start new ones - so I’d just working on spending time with people who add colour and care to my life.

I do feel sad that it’s come to this. I don’t feel good. But normally where I’d waver, I just feel a sense of resignation. I do feel a loss though - but where I wish things would have been different.

OP posts:
wizzywig · 29/08/2025 18:36

Oh op, its going to be difficult for you to stand strong. Wish you all the best.

Original poster
Moroccomummy · 29/08/2025 18:32

wizzywig · 29/08/2025 18:29

When relationships have ended, what is she usually like?

Well, I’ve only known her have one relationship end and she struggled to move on for a few years. I don’t want to say too much as that’s her business. But obviously she was very upset and it did hit her self esteem. That was a long time ago.

OP posts:
FloofyKat · 29/08/2025 18:32

Good for you, speaking up for yourself. You knew she’d probably react like this (and you mum, too) so in your shoes I’d shrug my shoulders and leave her to it. It is ok to end friendships - and start new ones - so I’d just working on spending time with people who add colour and care to my life.

wizzywig · 29/08/2025 18:29

When relationships have ended, what is she usually like?

Original poster
Moroccomummy · 29/08/2025 18:27

Walkbyall · 29/08/2025 16:22

Hoping for an update on your conversation @Moroccomummy 😬. I keep coming back to check to see how it went!x

Not very well really. I’ll change a few details here although not sure of the point, it can’t get much worse so….

We meet for coffee. We chat. She showed me her new version of what I had (that she’d rushed out to get) and I just felt so angry and didn’t follow the script.

I just asked ‘why did you do that?’ She asked what and I said something along the lines of ‘get the same as me. You do it all the time. Am I allowed nothing to myself?’. I was quite agitated I admit, but not yelling or anything.

She denied. Said I don’t have monopoly on all things in this particular area. That actually she liked a lot of this first and it’s by luck that I get in there before her, she was going to get it anyway. She doesn’t have to ask my permission. Tried to change the subject by repeatedly bringing up something else that apparently she’s not happy about.

I just sat there saying not a lot and then felt I’d had enough; like I just give up and I stood up and said ‘I’m going to go’ and I left.

We haven’t spoken since. Although my mum is aware and said exactly what I knew she would about imitation being a form of flattery. Then I felt like a complete idiot trying to explain that I felt the friend is trying to steal my identity - which hearing myself did sound a bit insane.

But I can’t do this anymore. I don’t want it. I realised that she’s not my best friend as much as she annoys me. I’ve outgrown this. I am sure I will have to see her at times, but I can be civil. I don’t think there’s going back. It went too far in my own head if that makes sense.

So no but blow up fight or anything, but I don’t feel like we can come back from the conversation if that makes any sense.

I also watched Single White Female and whilst friend is not that level of sinister, I get why comparisons were drawn. That’s kind of sad.

Thanks all for your help. I doubt there will be anything else to update.

OP posts:
Walkbyall · 29/08/2025 16:22

Hoping for an update on your conversation @Moroccomummy 😬. I keep coming back to check to see how it went!x

Conniebygaslight · 28/08/2025 20:08

It’s not OK at all and I think she knows it. It’s not flattery, it’s removing your individuality and she knows exactly what she’s doing despite her claiming innocence. If you confront her about it, she’ll act hurt no doubt and gaslight you into thinking it’s cute and you’re over reacting but you are not.

Charlieangle · 28/08/2025 08:01

I had a friend like this when I was a teenager. It started off with copying clothes, footwear, bags and then she got her hair cut like mine, and then started copying my mannerisms and how I talk.
So I completely understand how you feel. It’s not flattering it’s just unnerving behaviour.
I sadly ended our friendship, not nice I know but I felt we were being laughed at.

SunshineAndFizz · 28/08/2025 07:11

I’d start ‘jokingly’ making comments until she gets the hint.

“Thank you, this is a nice jumper. Don’t you go getting one now hahaha.”

”Oh you got the same trainers, be careful or someone will think you’re copying me hahahaha.”

MsSmartShoes · 28/08/2025 06:12

Sketchers?!

spoonbillstretford · 28/08/2025 05:24

I'd tell her to fuck off, get her own identity and life and block her on everything and look into a restraining order. She's not a friend, she's a stalker.

thebabayaga · 28/08/2025 05:24

Serious Single White Female vibes. She's not your friend, try to escape her.

Lavender115 · 28/08/2025 05:20

It sounds so annoying, OP. I think I would gently say, “I’m not going to tell you where I got my shoes, you’ll be wearing them next week.” Every item she copies just refuse to give detail of where you got it (let her google search it if so keen). It depends if she is a good friend outside of this then I would be gentle but firm in not giving detail. If she isn’t a great friend for other reasons, those reasons plus this would be it for me anyway in a friendship.

I had an ex good friend do the same. She would copy how I spoke, my work outfits and my look. If I wore an orange top (the height of fashion lol) she wore one the next day. When I got a fringe, she got one. On other matters she was jealous for example DH and I bought a house and instead of saying congratulations, she said she is looking for a house but she doesn’t like the sound of mine due to a feature of the house.

She was an oddball and her copying was exhausting enough but she also was quite a rude person anyway, so the friendship was over as far as I was concerned. Wasn’t an easy decision though as I write this, there is a lot of background. And I had known her for years.

Sometimes the friendship is just done.

Ellie1015 · 28/08/2025 04:20

Sounds like a good plan. Hopefully she listens but if not you have given her opportunity to stop before it ruins friendship.

Francestein · 28/08/2025 03:18

I have come back to this because my mum used to do this. She would put a friend on a pedestal and then try and turn into them. Her hair would be cut the same way at the same hairdresser, the house would be remodeled to include whatever the friend chose, new kitchen? Her too. Same company. My mum had a personality disorder. I wonder if your friend does too. They are very charming, but crave the high of the next new thing (shopping, clothes, attention, drugs, whatever their thing is, but it’s instant gratification all the way.) and I think your friend probably has the emotional range of a toddler to go with it. They tend to find malleable partners who do anything to keep the peace (and play helpless victim to avoid confrontation.) This woman is probably an emotional/energy vampire who demands to be your “best” friend, the one you call first, etc. She is generous with her time (driving/gifts/money, etc) but that is to foster a sense of obligation. I would put her further down the food chain and devote much more time to other friends.

Zov · 27/08/2025 18:03

PrincessHoneysuckle · 27/08/2025 16:10

Urgh its like Single White Female

Exactly what I thought! I think other posters have said that too! 😬

I wanna go find the DVD out of the understairs cupboard now. Haven't watched that for YEARS! (Maybe 20 years!)

SomewhatAnnoyed · 27/08/2025 16:15

AMillionTomorrows · 27/08/2025 14:06

Frame it as doing you a favour. She likes doing favours.

I was thinking this!

Or you could say you’ve been reading stuff online and realised the reason you’re unhappy is you don’t feel like an individual - so going forward your aim is to reclaim your own identity. Ask her what she thinks. Or lie and say you’ve visited a therapist to and this is their advice.

If she copies you the following week or month express disappointment and remind her of your conversation - “I thought you understood how I was feeling and wanted to support me as a friend.”

If needed, compete with her in the emotional reaction stakes. 😭😭😭 If she tries to outdo you, throw a packet of tissues at her head and leave dolly the sheep to it.

PrincessHoneysuckle · 27/08/2025 16:10

Urgh its like Single White Female

Borgonzola · 27/08/2025 16:05

Did she have a very difficult childhood?
from what you’ve said:

  • people pleaser
  • Prone to being anxious and depressed when called out
  • no real sense of own identity
make me think of someone with borderline personality disorder (am not a doctor, just an armchair observer). It sounds like she struggles a lot to be her own person with her own views and preferences and over compensates by going out of her way to help people. When you call her out on anything it shakes her already rocky sense of self.

fwiw I think it sounds awful and I would also be upset. I had a friend do this a bit at uni but when she started at uni she was very naive and was just developing her own sense of self, if that makes sense. She soon grew out of it and were still great friends now many years later but I was still pretty annoyed by it for a few months, and it was only a few garments.

thinking of other friends I have who are people pleasers: one was massively bullied at school and now I think does it to try and ingratiate herself with people, and one was hugely over-parentified and really struggles to put herself first.

no advice really! Just food for thought.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 27/08/2025 15:55

Hairshare · 27/08/2025 14:44

Just be clear. ‘You find it fun but it annoys me. Please will you stop? ‘

yes. It's a good idea to be well prepared.

I think it might also help if you have a concrete list of examples in mind.
Because previously she's tried to laugh it off.. and you have to say something like, that may be but... or you may think that but for me its not fun at all. and keep returning to your point until she acknowledges it.. I think she sounds like she doesn't always hear what people are actually saying to her and thinks as long as she's really nice to them, they won't be "cross" with her.

What is your plan if there is an emotional reaction? (Im not sure if you meant she has a massive crying session or can't breath or starts ranting) so I guess it depends on what type of reaction. I guess its OK for her to express herself if she's upset, but you could say I'm sorry if my telling how I feel has upset you, but believe me I've been upset by the situation too.. or something like that?

Hairshare · 27/08/2025 14:44

Just be clear. ‘You find it fun but it annoys me. Please will you stop? ‘

opencecilgee · 27/08/2025 14:40

Gosh! I had a friend like this once. We were about 11 though.

how irritating