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AIBU?

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Original poster

Wedding with a dress code

157 replies

Helpmeup · 26/08/2025 19:57

A few months ago we received an invitation to my husbands friends wedding. Along with the invitation was a dress code which said “dress to impress and please wear pastel colours only” I don’t have any pastel coloured dresses but I thought well it’s a few months away so I have time to find something.

However, husband checked with her and the men also have to wear pastel. Now that the wedding is 2 weeks away I actually feel a bit annoyed that we are having to buy something brand new to go to a wedding when we both have perfectly fine dresses and suits to wear already. DH probably isn’t ever going to wear pastel clothing again so it seems like a waste of money. We asked if he could maybe just wear a pastel tie instead but she insists everyone has to be in theme with the pastels.

The venue is over an hour away and the taxi is costing us £40 each way. We will be spending money there on drinks etc so I just feel like it’s going to cost us so much money to attend someone’s wedding 😩 I told myself I would put some money aside to be able to afford the new clothes but it hasn’t worked out as we have had too many other things to pay for lately so this just seems like an unnecessary purchase when we already have perfectly reasonable clothes to wear to the wedding! Is this a thing now? AIBU to feel this way?

OP posts:
Fifthtimelucky · 26/08/2025 21:34

I think this sort of dress code is ridiculous, but I also think you’ve left it a bit late, given that the invitations came out months ago, the dress code was mentioned at the time, and the wedding is now only 2 weeks away.

I think it would be very rude to decline at this late stage, as some others have suggested.

MrsDoombsPatterson · 26/08/2025 21:34

Itstheshowgirl · 26/08/2025 20:04

you will be asked to pose for some weird guest picture too probably OP so that they can show their colour coordination off on Instagram.

I would avoid like the plague.

All the men looking like the Man from Del Monte or poor man's Crockett 😂

Movinghouseatlast · 26/08/2025 21:33

Ha! My husband bought a fab pastel linen suit to wear at a wedding and I bought a pastel dress in the Ghost sale for £49 for the same wedding. There was no colour coordinated demand on the invitation though!

GinToBegin · 26/08/2025 21:32

If someone isn't paying for my outfit they don't get to dictate what it is (beyond social norms anyway!)

Absolutely this. Life is too short for this kind of fuckery.

NoSoupForU · 26/08/2025 21:27

If someone isn't paying for my outfit they don't get to dictate what it is (beyond social norms anyway!)

I can't stand pastel colours and never ever wear them so like shite would I be going buying a pastel coloured dress to appease someone's need to stage manage every minute detail of their wedding so they get lots of likes on social media.

2 weeks before is a bit rude to drop out though so I'd just wear something I want.

BreadInCaptivity · 26/08/2025 21:26

Buy yourselves a coupe of pink onesies. Your audacity will be impressive. Job done.

Or just decline- which is what I would do.

Dictating clothing to that extent is just tacky and we all know it’s for the Instagram likes.

GarlicLitre · 26/08/2025 21:20

Chompingatthebeat · 26/08/2025 21:14

Just buy a cheap dress, go and have fun, life is for living

I'm inclined to agree, and a cheap pastel suit as well (Asda, TK Maxx both have them in light colours). But we don't know what OP's budget constraints are like. An £80 suit and a £20 dress that will go straight to the charity shop could be too much.

If it's not too much, though, OP, go for it! Treat it as fancy dress. It's bloody rude of the bride, even so.

SleepingStandingUp · 26/08/2025 21:20

Tell DH to tell his friend you're unable to come as you've (both of you) not been able to find anything suitable to wear within your budget

SabrinaSt · 26/08/2025 21:18

I look terrible and washed out in pastels because of my skin tone and hair colour so I would be pushing pastel to the very limit and would buy something on Vinted and resell. For DH I would also do the same, either Vinted or borrow something from a friend.

This sort of thing is ridiculous and your friend will hopefully look back in years to come and realise how ridiculous it is.

MsGoodenough · 26/08/2025 21:17

Sod that. I'd politely decline the invitation and not feel a moment's guilt about it.

mamagogo1 · 26/08/2025 21:16

Chinos and a pale pink shirt, summer dress for you (end of season sales)

Pieceofpurplesky · 26/08/2025 21:15

@Cismyfatarseor this?

Wedding with a dress code
Purplecatshopaholic · 26/08/2025 21:15

I’d rent something, or just not go. What’s with the bridezilla demands these days - is she having guests or Insta-props..

Chompingatthebeat · 26/08/2025 21:14

Just buy a cheap dress, go and have fun, life is for living

Cismyfatarse · 26/08/2025 21:11

Just say you thought it was pastille colours, dress up as a fruit pastille.

I dare you!

Sleepness · 26/08/2025 21:10

I seem to be getting a FB group in my feeds all about "is this suitable" for various wedding dress codes and a lot of them are much more than just "formal" or "black tie", being really quite prescriptive about colours and styles. What is the matter with these people?!

My friend is just back from a very swanky wedding (or at least no expense spared) where they were even told what colour they needed to wear for dinner the night before the wedding. White, men and women 🫤

I guess it depends how much you love the people involved, but it doesn't sound like the kind of fun event where guests' enjoyment will be considered.

oldclock · 26/08/2025 21:06

Pale blue shirt for him under his suit?

GarlicLitre · 26/08/2025 21:05

Or ... "dress to impress" in your choice of suit & dress, with matching cheapo fedora hats and scarves in pastel colours.

Maddy70 · 26/08/2025 21:05

Pastel tie will cost £3 from Asda
Pastel shirt will he cheap from there too

You've had plenty of notice

Nanof8 · 26/08/2025 21:00

Can you rent a pastel suit?

GarlicLitre · 26/08/2025 20:58

strawlight · 26/08/2025 20:47

My husband would be fine buying a new shirt, but would draw the line at having to fork out for a new suit.

I’d suggest TKMaxx - it’s especially good for blokes and you might find something in there for you too.

Good call! They've got quite a few pale=coloured suits under £100, including actual pastels!

Would your DH be likely to re-wear a cream or silver grey suit, OP? Could be a way to make everyone happy, with a pastel shirt or tie for the occasion.

https://www.tkmaxx.com/uk/en/men/clothing/suits+tailoring/c/02021500?st=&sort=&facets=is_flash_event:%22false%22:Style:%223%20Piece%20Suits%22:Style:%222%20Piece%20Suits%22&page=0

erinaceus · 26/08/2025 20:54

“DH in a pastel suit is a look that will not impress anyone. We had to choose, and went for impressive.”

Then put your DH in a regular suit with a snazzy tie.

OneKeenPeachRaven · 26/08/2025 20:53

Given the price of a decent men's dress suit, I'd be amazed if most men don't just go with the pastel shirt / tie approach. I might or might not buy a new dress when we are attending a wedding, but my DH certainly wouldn't spend £££ buying a brand new suit in a colour he's unlikely to wear again.

Meadows19 · 26/08/2025 20:52

I wouldn’t bother going. It sounds awful. Find something better to do with your time and money.

Just say you were ill or something.

MissHollysDolly · 26/08/2025 20:51

Why can’t he just wear chinos and a pastel shirt? You shouldn’t have checked in such detail. Plausible deniability.