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AIBU?

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Original poster

Wedding with a dress code

157 replies

Helpmeup · 26/08/2025 19:57

A few months ago we received an invitation to my husbands friends wedding. Along with the invitation was a dress code which said “dress to impress and please wear pastel colours only” I don’t have any pastel coloured dresses but I thought well it’s a few months away so I have time to find something.

However, husband checked with her and the men also have to wear pastel. Now that the wedding is 2 weeks away I actually feel a bit annoyed that we are having to buy something brand new to go to a wedding when we both have perfectly fine dresses and suits to wear already. DH probably isn’t ever going to wear pastel clothing again so it seems like a waste of money. We asked if he could maybe just wear a pastel tie instead but she insists everyone has to be in theme with the pastels.

The venue is over an hour away and the taxi is costing us £40 each way. We will be spending money there on drinks etc so I just feel like it’s going to cost us so much money to attend someone’s wedding 😩 I told myself I would put some money aside to be able to afford the new clothes but it hasn’t worked out as we have had too many other things to pay for lately so this just seems like an unnecessary purchase when we already have perfectly reasonable clothes to wear to the wedding! Is this a thing now? AIBU to feel this way?

OP posts:
Mauvehoodie · 27/08/2025 10:45

They are being so unreasonable to have such specific requirements. What a waste of clothes. I loved seeing what people chose to wear for my wedding and making them feel happy and looked after.

As you have 2 weeks I’d just buy something on Vinted or put a shout out on fb to see if anyone has something (particularly for your dh) that you could borrow.

greengreyblue · 27/08/2025 10:41

I would just say you’ve done your best without having to shell out in a new suit etc

BitOutOfPractice · 27/08/2025 10:41

WaddesdonWanderer · 27/08/2025 09:18

A full on pastel outfit for everyone including the men? That’s fucking ridiculous! However, charity shops could well be your friend OP. I’ve recently been to a wedding where the theme was charity shop outfits and you can get some amazing stuff. Particularly if you visit shops in a fairly affluent town. For your DH I’d just get a pastel shirt though and maybe a tie. She can’t expect pastel suits surely!

I love the idea of a charity shop themed wedding. It’s genius!

Didimum · 27/08/2025 10:28

Agree with you, OP. Wedding guests aren't props. They are your nearest and dearest and, beyond the reasonable expectation of dressing smartly, it's poor hosting to put the onus of your aesthetic on them.

Delphiniumandlupins · 27/08/2025 10:17

It's a shame you checked with the bride but now you're stuck with it. Do you and/or DH have anything in beige, cream, taupe (or even white because I would forget the "don't wear white to a wedding" rule) that you could add something pastel to? DH doesn't need a jacket, you could add a pastel scarf or cardigan. I wouldn't fret about the "dress to impress" instruction either.

Is there anyone else travelling from your area? If they're driving you could contribute to petrol or share a taxi.

RampantIvy · 27/08/2025 09:49

The thing about wearing something you will never wear again is that you won't spend a lot of money on it, and therefore won't look like you have dressed to impress.

PinkyFlamingo · 27/08/2025 09:27

Of course you don't "have to"! Just wear what you like or dont go.

Fruitsherbert · 27/08/2025 09:26

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 27/08/2025 09:22

Yes but she is too fat.

Show quote history

They could have put her on the edge of the group photo; maybe just peeking in. Having half your body chopped off is very slimming.

BuicksACentury · 27/08/2025 09:22

Bride and groom are total fucking idiots. No one in their right mind dictates what colour clothes their guests can wear. Who do they think they are?

Lots of us - myself included - look shit in pastels anyway.

I wouldn't be going.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 27/08/2025 09:22

Fruitsherbert · 27/08/2025 09:21

Aunty Sue will be gutted. She's got loads of pastels.

Show quote history

Yes but she is too fat.

Bjorkdidit · 27/08/2025 09:22

But why should the OP spend her free time trawling around charity shops or on Vinted in the vain hope that they'll have something that fits, meets the brief and they actually want to wear?

Zanatdy · 27/08/2025 09:22

That’s batshit and I bet that not everyone will participate. All the men aren’t going to buy pastel suits that they’ll never wear again. I’d just get a pastel shirt and a dress for yourself but would find it really annoying receiving an invite with a dress code. Does the bride and groom not consider how much it costs to attend a wedding? Certainly not cheap without being told to buy a new outfit in a colour you’re unlikely to wear again.

Fruitsherbert · 27/08/2025 09:21

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 27/08/2025 09:17

Perhaps Uncle Colin wasn't deemed Instagrammable enough to make the guest list.

Show quote history

Aunty Sue will be gutted. She's got loads of pastels.

WaddesdonWanderer · 27/08/2025 09:18

A full on pastel outfit for everyone including the men? That’s fucking ridiculous! However, charity shops could well be your friend OP. I’ve recently been to a wedding where the theme was charity shop outfits and you can get some amazing stuff. Particularly if you visit shops in a fairly affluent town. For your DH I’d just get a pastel shirt though and maybe a tie. She can’t expect pastel suits surely!

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 27/08/2025 09:17

Fruitsherbert · 27/08/2025 09:14

I guarantee Uncle Colin won't be wearing pastels.

Perhaps Uncle Colin wasn't deemed Instagrammable enough to make the guest list.

BitOutOfPractice · 27/08/2025 09:16

DeathStare · 26/08/2025 20:03

Vinted? Then put it back on Vinted after the wedding.

This!

Fruitsherbert · 27/08/2025 09:14

I guarantee Uncle Colin won't be wearing pastels.

Chompingatthebeat · 27/08/2025 09:14

Its all a bit churlish, i presume you won't have to pay for food and drink and dancing and having a good time

DappledThings · 27/08/2025 09:12

Why do I have to spend my money on clothes that I will never wear again when we already have perfectly nice and appropriate wedding attire already
You don't have to. It is your choice to pander to this nonsense or not.

madaboutpurple · 27/08/2025 09:09

Have you considered going to a charity shop and see if you can get something suitable for both of you. If this happened to me I reckon I would say Sorry I won't be there. I think the bride has a cheek telling guests to wear certain colours. It will be so she can put pictures on social media. Stupid I think. SM is also stupid.

BerryBlastStrawberry · 27/08/2025 08:56

Pastels in September how embarrassing

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 27/08/2025 08:55

Helpmeup · 27/08/2025 08:52

Thanks for the comments everyone. Just to clarify, in my post I never said I wasn’t going to go. I’ve read the first few pages so far and people are saying I’ve left it too late and have had plenty of notice etc. I am going to the wedding…. And I will find some cheap pastel clothing to wear. I’m just asking what later people’s opinions are on this and if I am unreasonable to find it daft and annoying. Even if we just buy a shirt and a cheap dress, it is still a waste of money because neither of us will wear them again. Why do I have to spend my money on clothes that I will never wear again when we already have perfectly nice and appropriate wedding attire already. The clothes will be going straight to the charity shop once we have worn them. Yes I should’ve declined the invite when it came out but we had a bit more money then and I just thought ‘ah well, we can find something cheap’ but now we are really skint as we have had some big unexpected things to pay for and I feel a bit miffed at having to spend money unnecessarily

Edited

You really don't have to.

B1anche · 27/08/2025 08:55

Helpmeup · 27/08/2025 08:52

Thanks for the comments everyone. Just to clarify, in my post I never said I wasn’t going to go. I’ve read the first few pages so far and people are saying I’ve left it too late and have had plenty of notice etc. I am going to the wedding…. And I will find some cheap pastel clothing to wear. I’m just asking what later people’s opinions are on this and if I am unreasonable to find it daft and annoying. Even if we just buy a shirt and a cheap dress, it is still a waste of money because neither of us will wear them again. Why do I have to spend my money on clothes that I will never wear again when we already have perfectly nice and appropriate wedding attire already. The clothes will be going straight to the charity shop once we have worn them. Yes I should’ve declined the invite when it came out but we had a bit more money then and I just thought ‘ah well, we can find something cheap’ but now we are really skint as we have had some big unexpected things to pay for and I feel a bit miffed at having to spend money unnecessarily

Edited

You are definitely not being unreasonable. I despair of couples who feel the need to dictate what their guests wear.

Original poster
Helpmeup · 27/08/2025 08:54

Thanks for the suggestions about light coloured linen for DH.. that’s a good shout because he would probably wear that again

OP posts:
Original poster
Helpmeup · 27/08/2025 08:52

Thanks for the comments everyone. Just to clarify, in my post I never said I wasn’t going to go. I’ve read the first few pages so far and people are saying I’ve left it too late and have had plenty of notice etc. I am going to the wedding…. And I will find some cheap pastel clothing to wear. I’m just asking what later people’s opinions are on this and if I am unreasonable to find it daft and annoying. Even if we just buy a shirt and a cheap dress, it is still a waste of money because neither of us will wear them again. Why do I have to spend my money on clothes that I will never wear again when we already have perfectly nice and appropriate wedding attire already. The clothes will be going straight to the charity shop once we have worn them. Yes I should’ve declined the invite when it came out but we had a bit more money then and I just thought ‘ah well, we can find something cheap’ but now we are really skint as we have had some big unexpected things to pay for and I feel a bit miffed at having to spend money unnecessarily

OP posts: