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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset and embarrassed by the consultant's secretary?

39 replies

wuminzo · 26/08/2025 18:36

I am deaf. I use hearing aids and can hear ok with them, but in certain situations it's a struggle to hear what people are saying.

The consultant's secretary was sitting with two others in a line. She was not directly opposite me but off to my right, that's how the desk situation worked and I couldn't get any closer to her. She was giving me information about upcoming procedure, a lot of information! I told her I couldn't hear her as I was deaf. She didn't acknowledge this and carried on. Despite repeated requests to repeat herself and constantly telling her I was deaf she did nothing, well she sighed and Word. By. Word. In. That. Fashion said it again.

She could have got up from her seat and stood in front of me which I said would work better but she didn't. I was so embarrassed as the office was full of people who were avidly listening (the irony!) to this drama.

I am very upset. I feel if I were physically disabled similar disrespect wouldn't have happened. I felt she saw me as stupid or thick (I'm old and grey ha ha).

When I got home I was livid, it's going over and over in my head. I was going to ring straight away, but am calming myself down.

Would you, or should I contact her myself and let her know how rude and uncaring she was, and that she caused me embarrassment? Or should I just sleep on it and forget about it. I think I feel better having got it out to MN, so I may just leave it.

Thanks for reading if you got this far!!

OP posts:
DramaAlpaca · 26/08/2025 19:11

I'm sorry you had to experience that, OP. I agree with everyone else that you should make a formal complaint. Asking the hospital what their policy is towards deaf people presenting for treatment is a very good approach.

Original poster
wuminzo · 26/08/2025 19:07

I'm reading all your lovely replies and I'm feeling a bit choked up TBH. Honestly - you lot actually GET IT whereas the secretary just didn't and didn't seem to care. I am surprised at how upset I am as I get this a lot, but because it was in public I felt so degraded. I am so grateful for your suggestions and will read them properly later on when I've had some tea! I do agree that I should be an ambassador for the deaf community for sure!

I am thinking along the lines of writing to the hospital asking them what their policy is in relation to deaf people presenting for treatment, specifically in X Department where the acoustics and set up do not lend themselves to good communication with deaf people.

Whew! I could cry with the humiliation I felt earlier. Honestly it was pure free entertainment for those waiting and watching. So embarrassed to have that attention on me from strangers who ended up knowing more than I did about what my health status was! 😊

OP posts:
Richtea67 · 26/08/2025 19:01

Primespace · 26/08/2025 18:43

I think you should follow the hospital's complaints procedure and do it formally.

Approach it as helping prevent another deaf person suffering the same, if that helps.

This...give PALs a ring in the morning to complain. So sorry this was your experience..awful.

PashaMinaMio · 26/08/2025 18:59

Please report your experience through the official channel.

What happened and how it made you feel.

Something similar happened to me 2+ years ago. A foreign medic refused to lower his mask whilst explaining details about what to expect from my imminent cataract surgery. I couldn’t lip read so was unprepared for the surgery. I was thus terrified and hated the procedure. I should have complained, but didn’t. I simply didn’t return to that clinic and went elsewhere for my other eye.

This is your opportunity to be an ambassador for the deaf community.

PInkyStarfish · 26/08/2025 18:54

I would report her as she should have come over to you to speak to you to make sure you could hear.

UpHillVerySlowly · 26/08/2025 18:53

Complain via PALS at your hospital. Complaints are logged and reviewed via an official system.
How ignorant and rude!!

BrightLightTonight · 26/08/2025 18:50

Could you have asked her to put all the information in a document so you can read it in your own time. Even when I can hear clearly, important information, like this, I always prefer to be written down.

Saying that, in her position, she should have been aware of disabilities and acted appropriately, so you should complain

PragmaticIsh · 26/08/2025 18:49

I think you should look up the complaints procedure, rather than going back to her. For two reasons:

  1. you still need that information prior to your procedure, it's important.

  2. they need to ensure this doesn't happen to anyone else, or to you again.

tinyspiny · 26/08/2025 18:49

Definitely complain , ignorant woman .

AutumnChild99 · 26/08/2025 18:48

I work in healthcare, I would encourage you to log a complaint. It will be reviewed and addressed. From what you said it's unacceptable behaviour.

PrincessofWells · 26/08/2025 18:45

Please complain - this sort of thing is just plain ignorant. If I'd been there I would have had a word on your behalf because you have been treated with huge disrespect and it's just unacceptable.

Primespace · 26/08/2025 18:43

I think you should follow the hospital's complaints procedure and do it formally.

Approach it as helping prevent another deaf person suffering the same, if that helps.

SeaToSki · 26/08/2025 18:40

I would look at it as
will it help you to feel better if you leave it rest, or if you go back to the department with a complaint?

If you do complain I wouldnt talk to the specific woman directly, I would write a letter/email and send it to whatever person manages complaints at the department. Mumsnet would probably be able to help you word a good email and ChatGpt is also very good at that sort of thing if you give it a detailed brief

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 26/08/2025 18:40

I'm sorry. I'm currently staying with my mother who is virtually stone deaf. She would be totally unable to take anything in in the circumstances you describe. It's unacceptable. I would write a clear, factual email, stating what happened and that you feel that patients with hearing problems need special consideration to make sure they don't lose out on vital information, and also to be treated with respect, just like everybody else. Good luck.