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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think I can squeeze into a 5 person car with just 2 other people

161 replies

Emma6cat · 26/08/2025 16:37

I have a trip planned from the north of England to the south coast on Friday to see my Son off who will be away for a year. Originally I was planning to drive down but since then I have been plagued with neck arthritis and its painful to drive long distances. I asked my Sister who is also going down (driving) if I could go in the car with them (her and my dad) to be told no the car would be full. Now granted they are going down for a week, but surely the boot and three back seats wouldn't all be taken up by luggage? AIBU to think surely they could squeeze me in. I am now looking at the train, 3 changes and lengthy trip bearing in mind I will have my luggage with me. My neck, collarbone and shoulder are constantly sore and I am taking medication for this. Just feel a bit hurt tbh!

OP posts:
itsgivingenglishteacher · 26/08/2025 17:50

OP, you mention having luggage. Would your wheelchair also have to fit in the car? I can see why it may be tight. But equally, the additional details about not including you in the ‘posh’ place they’ve booked seems like there is more to the story. Your tone on that issue seems to suggest you feel excluded and upset. I know others have already asked, but what’s the back story?

MrsJeanLuc · 26/08/2025 17:47

I have an audi A3 hatchback, which I think is a bit smaller than a Ford Puma?

When hubby and I go on holiday we normally fill the car right up to the gunnels (with the back seats down to increase luggage space), but that's partly because we do lots of different things, so we need lots of kit (eg hiking boots, snorkels & flippers) that take up space.

However in a situation like this I would definitely make room to squeeze a family member in, especially if it's only for a few days. Though they might have to sit with luggage packed all around them 😀

Ddakji · 26/08/2025 17:44

thistimelastweek · 26/08/2025 17:34

Some of these replies are ridiculous. Of course it is hurtful to exclude the OP in these circumstances. To say otherwise is perverse.
OP, I think your sister is nasty and your dad is weak.
I hope you have a lovely time with your son. Shame she has to be there.

Yes - but the OP is being very monosyllabic in her responses, it’s like getting blood out of a stone. She needs to talk to her sister, not MN!

Emma6cat · 26/08/2025 17:43

Thebigonesgetaway · 26/08/2025 17:10

Also do you live close to them? Is it easy foe them to get to you?

They live 15 mins from me and have to pass mine to get on the motorway

OP posts:
MargaretThursday · 26/08/2025 17:38

I know someone who got rid of their Ford Puma because there was so little space for luggage.
But also different people take different amount of stuff, and it depends on what they're planning on doing. Self catering where they're planning lots of different activities takes more than all inclusive-the-furthest-I'm-planning-on-moving-is-the-pool.
And if this has been announced at the last minute, which it sounds like it, then they may have things booked, so not want to change.

But if the Op's only going up to see her ds off for a night, then surely her luggage will be no more than either a small backpack or a small push along suitcase. And a train is far more comfortable because you can move around and get up etc for back and neck pain. A car, especially the back of the car if it doesn't have head rests is really uncomfortable, and I'm speaking from experience here - I'd far rather go on a train than a car with neck pain. She can book assistance to carry the luggage so she won't have to do much carrying.

thistimelastweek · 26/08/2025 17:34

Some of these replies are ridiculous. Of course it is hurtful to exclude the OP in these circumstances. To say otherwise is perverse.
OP, I think your sister is nasty and your dad is weak.
I hope you have a lovely time with your son. Shame she has to be there.

soupyspoon · 26/08/2025 17:33

I just remembered that I can often not see out of the back window because ours is piled up. I think if it was further moved over to allow for the one seat to be used, the person would get crushed by things falling on them when we went round a corner!!

Finaly · 26/08/2025 17:30

I have a puma and the boot isn't all that small. They also have a 80 litre 'hidden' storage box under the floor of the boot. It's definitely enough to cope with luggage for 3 adults, one teenager and a dog going away for a long weekend.

Even if they needed to fold down two of the rear seats for extra luggage space there would still be room for the OP to squeeze into the third seat.

vickylou78 · 26/08/2025 17:26

There seems to be more to this!!! So mean...

Also you said camping but the mentioned a self catering apartment? If camping can see that the car may be full, but if going to a apartment surely they can fit you in.

Do you usually get on?

Imisscoffee2021 · 26/08/2025 17:25

It's a piss take, presume he's in the navy too? So not only saying goodbye a year saying goodbye for him to do potentially a dangerous job, it would be nice to have the journey with your family supporting you...you'd think!? Can't believe they haven't thought of that, I'd travel with a tiny handbag to fit another family member in, ridiculous.

WaitWhatWhatWait · 26/08/2025 17:24

Emma6cat · 26/08/2025 16:45

They are staying in a posh apartment on the waterfront self catering. I did suggest at the beginning that we all stay together somewhere to keep the cost down. But my Sister booked the apartment for her and my dad, I am staying in a Travelodge.

I feel there's a LOT more to this story; your sister always treats you like shit and everyone accepts "oh you know Sarah, that just what she's like". No-one ever challenges her on her meanness (is it always aimed at you?)

soupyspoon · 26/08/2025 17:20

TheCurious0range · 26/08/2025 17:11

What size is your car I used to have a Citroen c2 when I was in my twenties, could barely fit an overnight bag in the boot, but most ordinary sized 5 seat cars you'd get your luggage in the boot and surely have one space in the back free? We drive to the Netherlands me DH and DS and the car is full (semi self catering) but we don't have a roof box and DS' car seat is quite bulky

A Note. Not a small car, looked up that Puma, not sure if Im looking at the right models but the car doesnt look substantiall different in size

We put the back seats down and the entire back is our suitcases, various ruck sacks, the cool bag of bits and bobs (we're always self catering), a box of car emergency items like wipes, screen stuff, spare bulbs, blanket, other car bits that I cant remember, oil and whatnot. If its summer we have our wetsuits/dry robes. If its winter we have various bags and boxes with boots and coats in. We may or may not take our folding beach chairs and windbreak but even if we dont there wouldnt be room for a person to sit in it, let alone any bags.
If we take our bikes then there are our panniers which are quite large, and bike equipment, waterproofs, bike covers, locks and chains etc. Theres always a big shopping bag of snacks and nibbles.

OH has a whole bag, like a laundry bag sized bag of boots and shoes. We both have a rucksack each of medication. Plus his laptop and a massive bag of electricals/chargers etc.

And most threads on here I often read that people take spare kitchen equipment when they travel, I hear of people taking frozen meals, or air fryers!! Irons and spare baking trays and foil and stuff.

BagGreen24 · 26/08/2025 17:18

Emma6cat · 26/08/2025 16:42

Its a Ford Puma so not exactly a small car

Ford Pumas are very small and have a tiny boot so maybe they are being truthful.

mnahmnah · 26/08/2025 17:18

If I can fit me, two kids, a dog and all our associated stuff in a Mini for two weeks away in this country, of course they can fit you! I can’t believe they would see you getting several trains with your luggage while suffering the pain you are. They sound awful.

itsgettingweird · 26/08/2025 17:17

MounjaroMounjaro · 26/08/2025 17:14

Does your son get on well with them? It would be great if he could tell them not to bother coming if they can't treat his mum well.

Actually that’s not a bad shout.

couldn’t say if they aren’t going to help facilitate your visit he has no interest in being part of theirs?

minipie · 26/08/2025 17:16

Oh so they are also going down to see off your son?

In that case it seems bizarre that they won’t let you ride or stay with them and I’m afraid the only explanation I can think of is that one of them just doesn’t enjoy your company. Hurtful as that is.

MounjaroMounjaro · 26/08/2025 17:14

Does your son get on well with them? It would be great if he could tell them not to bother coming if they can't treat his mum well.

Thebigonesgetaway · 26/08/2025 17:13

MounjaroMounjaro · 26/08/2025 17:12

Clearly they can fit her into the car. They want to celebrate with her son as he goes off for a year, but don't want her son's mother in their car for the journey there. It's really nasty.

I don’t know, I think there is more to this, and it’s not rare to have a good relationship with nephew/nieces but not the parent. The fact they aren’t staying together, the dad won’t get involved. Says there is something more here.

BaronessBomburst · 26/08/2025 17:13

The Puma doesn't have much boot space but even so you should be able to fit three people in it for a week self-catering. We have a Ford Focus and go on a three week road trip every year with three people but would easily fit in a fourth.
What on earth are they taking with them?
Your sister comes across as as rather selfish and unkind.

Minxny · 26/08/2025 17:13

You are asking us whether your sister is being unreasonable. Without her side of the story it's unknowable for us.

There are so many things it could be that we couldn't possibly guess at. Maybe you are a terrible backseat driver. Maybe they are dropping a washing machine off to Auntie Mabel on the way. Maybe you didn't share your mars bar with her in 1998 and this is her payback.

You could try asking her whether there is a specific issue that you could put right, but you might just have to accept that her answer is no.

Seawolves · 26/08/2025 17:12

I drive a Puma and I can't imagine why there wouldn't be room in a Puma for a third person and their luggage. I have managed three of us and associated luggage in mine (and my little one has much more luggage than the average person as he comes with lots of extra kit as a medically complex child).

MounjaroMounjaro · 26/08/2025 17:12

soupyspoon · 26/08/2025 17:00

What?

Because they cant fit her in the car and it was never planned to be so?

Clearly they can fit her into the car. They want to celebrate with her son as he goes off for a year, but don't want her son's mother in their car for the journey there. It's really nasty.

TheCurious0range · 26/08/2025 17:11

soupyspoon · 26/08/2025 16:50

Im surprised at these responses. When we go on holiday our luggage takes up the boot and the rear seats. There wouldnt be room to fit anyone in the car with us. 2 adults.

What size is your car I used to have a Citroen c2 when I was in my twenties, could barely fit an overnight bag in the boot, but most ordinary sized 5 seat cars you'd get your luggage in the boot and surely have one space in the back free? We drive to the Netherlands me DH and DS and the car is full (semi self catering) but we don't have a roof box and DS' car seat is quite bulky

SummerFrog25 · 26/08/2025 17:11

Your sister sounds like a nasty cow. How old is she? Does she just need to grow up??

people come before eleventy billion pairs of shoes & make up bags. You're his MUM (their daughter & sister) they should be helping you get there as painlessly as possible!

they're staying in an apartment for a week, they don't need enough stuff to fill a Ford Puma.

though given they didn't want to share accommodation with you, in the beginning, there seems to be much more history here!

I'm sorry x

Thebigonesgetaway · 26/08/2025 17:10

Also do you live close to them? Is it easy foe them to get to you?