FIL called me uptight for refusing to drive DC without a car seat

I remember when I was first pregnant in the early 90s, my MIL telling me how lucky I was that I now didn't have to wear a seatbelt! 🙄

Tell him to only travel without putting on his seat belt. What an idiot. A generational gap is no excuse for stupidity, ignore him, your job is to keep your child safe.

He might want reminding of the law too (I'm sure it applies in most places around the world).

It’s illegal in the U.K. - is it illegal in France? If not, it ought to be!

I mostly find how much this has escalated unreasonable. He made the suggestion, you said no that should have been an end to it.
A few months ago my FIL offered me and DD a lift home, I said thanks for the offer but we better not without a car seat and that was the end of it. He’s quite headstrong and even he knew that wasn’t the hill to die on.
More recently a friend was supposed to be driving us to a park but she forgot her extra car seat. She suggested putting her son in a regular seat I said I didn’t feel comfortable putting her in that position and that was the end of it.

Incorrect: OP smiled the <bonjour>, not the sulky FIL!

I would say that if the beach was just down the road then fine. But an hour long journey without a car seat….no way!

My FIL did suggest putting ds in the car without a car seat, I said ‘no it’s illegal’ he subsided, end of scene. The problem is your FIL’s reaction. Still, on the positive side you know you aren’t going to do more holidays with them. I did ten years of holidays with the in-laws and the minor irritations certainly did build up.

Legally a child doesn't need a car seat in ANY taxi, in the UK, unless the driver provides one

Apart from telling me I am making excuses for the FIL, you haven't said anything that contradicts my views. So I'm not really sure what you disagree with.

I didn't blame the OP and I agree with you that the FIL was rude and disrespectful. (The tone of OPs posts suggest she doesn't respect him either though.) Of course the OP doesn't have to explain herself but it might diffuse the situation if she did. Given she is on holiday with this man, I think that might be worth a try. Things have changed a lot in the last couple of generations and it's hardly surprising that not all grandparents have complete up to date knowledge of car seat laws. Yes I'm sure he is capable of looking them up but it would take seconds for OP to explain why she (rightly) insists on using one.

OP is right and FIL is wrong. OP could just let FIL be a sulky git and allow the whole thing to become a much bigger deal than it really needs to be. Or she could be the bigger person and initiate an adult conversation about the issue. Both are valid choices. 🤷🏼‍♀️

I haven’t missed your point.
I disagree with what you are saying 🤷‍♀️

You did miss my point but I'm not going to explain it a third time. You also seem to have missed me saying that he wasn't right to behave as he did... Oh to live in a world where people actually read the posts they are replying to!

Who is right about the car seats (OP is) and the exact shades of meaning of the word "uptight" are missing the point.

People argue about stuff. Adults should be able to move past that, not stop talking to each other. Perhaps car seats are a particular trigger because as a young(ish) adult it might be the first time you are directly overruling your parent or in law. There is no space for compromise.

Still, it's been a while now. Perhaps it's all resolved.

I don’t think that’s the point.

I’m not missing any point.
You are making excuses for his behaviour.
If he doesn’t know the laws he can update himself without being rude to his DIL in the process.

Did you deliberately miss the point there so you could have a rant? 😂🤦🏼‍♀️

They would not have been a legal requirement when his kids were young which was probably the last time he had to think about transporting small children in cars. Most people don't keep up to date with laws that don't concern them.

On the brightside FIL has given you a good reason to NEVER holiday with your in-laws again, so that’s saved you lots of shitty holidays 👍

Why did mil go without you all on the first place? And you hired 2 cars?

The problem is most of the people on Mumsnet will have read and hear lots of information on the risks of not using child seats.

Someone who hasn’t had a child travelling in their car since the 80s and 90s and hasn’t been bombarded with this information would probably think you are being uptight.

Obviously you did the right thing by refusing the offer of a lift in a car with no child seats. But may be you could try being a bit more understanding of your father in law and why he might have thought you were being dramatic?

Also is French his first language? If so is it possible that he didn’t fully appreciate that ‘uptight’ can be quite insulting?

Doesn't the MIL deserve any blame for taking the car with the car seat? She could've removed it before she left so it was available.

“Only been a legal requirment since 2006”thats nearly 20 years! Has he been living under a rock? 🤷‍♀️

OP doesn’t have to explain herself to anyone. She’s the parent. FIL is not. No justification required.

To call her uptight is rude and disrespectful. If FIL wants to look up the law for himself I’m sure he is perfectly capable of doing that himself instead of insulting his DIL.

Let’s not blame the OP here for just doing what’s right for her kids.

Is there a language barrier? "Uptight" may not mean the same thing to him as it does to you or anyone else. But either way, it's up to you and your husband ONLY to decide what's an acceptable risk for your child and no way is FIL's compromise reasonable for a one hour drive. If he really is still angry enough to be giving you the silent treatment I assume it's because he missed his beach trip because you wouldn't;t cut corners - but why didn't he just go to the beach without the three of you if MIL was already there?

The OP said ‘Bonjour’ not the FIL

Which bit wasn’t his fault? The part where he turned to his dil and called her uptight? Are you confusing him with the 5yo??

I regard adults as responsible for what they say, and that was an unacceptable comment. I’d move to an Airbnb once the car seat is back.

If safety was your first concern, you shouldn't put your child in a car at all, because that is the source of danger.