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Original poster

To think that paying for airplane seats has broken air travel for families?

234 replies

raggedymum · 26/08/2025 13:13

I just get so stressed when I see anything about plane seat issues - everyone is all "you should pay" but it doesn't take into account all the things that can go wrong, and there is now zero compassion or willingness to shift from other passengers. And somewhat reasonably, as they have paid for their seats!

I'm still traumatised from 6-leg (3 each way) flight last year with DH and then-10yo DD, where despite paying close to £1K to select seats (for very tall DH to get extra legroom and make sure the family was sat together), we sat together on only 1 of the 6 legs. First leg was fine. Second leg - long haul - 2 of the 3 seats we had booked were literally broken and NO ONE could sit there. It took ages for the flight attendants to find anyone willing to move to allow me and DD to sit next to each other for the 8-hour flight. DD (probably ND, we're looking into it), not having flown since she was 4 before the pandemic, was in tears and terrified. At least DH got his extra legroom in the non-broken original seat. Then, that flight encountered weather and we missed the connection. So obviously we didn't have the seats we had paid for on the flight that left before we got off the plane. Again, massive difficulty to find anywhere to get even two seats together. I managed to get behind DD (aisle seats - yet the middles next to us didn't want to move to an aisle to allow us to sit together - I have actually seen threads from people explaining that they chose such on purpose...). Return journey they had overbooked the plane and printed boarding passes with our seats for multiple people. Again, lots of angst but we got DD and me next to each other (and DD absolutely in a panic remembering the problems on the flight over, and me not so far behind). Weather again, and despite actually making the connection, we got there so late they had removed our seats from the system and put other people in them. This time DH was crunched in a regular seat and we did manage to get me and DD together in some middle seats. Final leg the plane was a different type than planned, so at least nobody had seats they had booked, although people still insisted on their seat if they existed in this plane. Again, couldn't get three together and lots of difficulty over arranging for me and DD together. Didn't help that DD was a very tall 10yo (see tall DH...) and people seemed to think she was a stroppy teen and not a panicking possibly-ND 10yo at the end of a very long series of flights.

I'm grateful that I managed to get next to DD on all but one of the legs, but it was so incredibly stressful that I have a panic response at the thought of flying long-haul again, making me really not want to visit family overseas anytime soon...

I completely understand that people don't want to give up seats they may have paid £100+ for. But the fact that everybody pays for very specific seats now means that the gate staff can't shift people who haven't yet checked in around (while keeping groups together) like they used to, to help sort out groups broken up for various reasons. And there is no sympathy because "you should have paid" even when you DID pay (a lot!).

I wonder if instead of picking specific seats, you could pay for "3 seats together with extra legroom", "an aisle seat in cheap economy", etc. I guess that would be much harder for the airlines to sort and figure out if they even could sell that combination, instead of just showing the little maps you select from.

OP posts:
MissScarletInTheBallroom · 26/08/2025 14:52

RimTimTagiDim · 26/08/2025 14:48

This makes no sense because none of that happened because of paying to book seats. You did pay, and things still went wrong.

I just read a book published in 1935 where the passengers had assigned seats. It's hardly a recent phenomenon.

The point is that she was £1000 out of pocket due to having paid for seats she didn't get to sit in, and other passengers wouldn't move due to also having paid for their seats.

If everyone got free seat selection then you wouldn't get families chancing it and hoping they'll be seated together or that someone will be willing to move, and if a family ended up separated because they booked their flight or checked in late in the day when the other seats had already been allocated, other passengers would be more willing to move because they wouldn't have paid through the nose to sit in that particular seat.

Wibblywobblybobbly · 26/08/2025 14:51

OP, once you have a diagnosis for your daughter book special assistance with the airline and ask them to allocate her a seat with one adult from the party next to her as a reasonable adjustment (most actually just put you all together). If it is disability related they won't charge, and they also normally get flagged on the system as such. This means your allocation is much less likely to get changed.

If an issue does arise it is then much easier for the flight crew to resolve it as they can insist people move. I have a disability that requires specific arrangements and a few times an issue has arisen and the cabin crew have just told people nicely they'll have to move seats. Only twice have they kicked off and both times they've been told they will be removed from the flight if they don't move because it is disability and therefore safety related. The moved sharpish.

If the flight is to or from the UK a sunflower lanyard for your daughter would help other people understand.

Oh and you can also request preboarding for free if boarding in the rush is too overwhelming because of disability.

Original poster
raggedymum · 26/08/2025 14:50

LegallyBlondish · 26/08/2025 14:41

Usually, the seats with the extra leg-room are next to the emergency exit and, as such, cannot be used by a child. I know as DH is very tall and we had this issue when our children (also tall) were minors.

That being the case, I cannot see how OP could have sat with her DH and DD in the extra leg-room seats..

It all sounds horrendous, for the OP and I sympathise. However, DH and I pay for our seats, I don't like flying, and I'm not sure that I would change seats for anybody.

No, there is an economy-plus that has extra legroom. Several rows of it.

OP posts:
Original poster
raggedymum · 26/08/2025 14:49

Catsandcwtches · 26/08/2025 14:38

Would ferry be an option for your next holiday, and staying closer to home? I took the ferry with my two young kids (one autistic) this summer and found it brilliant, less waiting around and going through lots of different systems. None of the seat problems and we were free to walk around and go to shops etc

this year we just drove an hour to a holiday home :)

But can't get a ferry across the ocean. Hmm. How much DOES the Queen Mary 2 cost? The prices always seemed ridiculous (and the week to get there) but maybe not more than all the costs of seats and such. Although it would still be at least 2 flights in the US to get to ILs... (OMG, I've just checked a roundtrip to NY, it is less than we paid for our flights last year! maybe we could get ILs to come to NY...)

OP posts:
RimTimTagiDim · 26/08/2025 14:48

This makes no sense because none of that happened because of paying to book seats. You did pay, and things still went wrong.

I just read a book published in 1935 where the passengers had assigned seats. It's hardly a recent phenomenon.

pontipinemum · 26/08/2025 14:48

@GlasgowGal2014 I have only flown with ryanair since having DC. They make you book a seat if you have an under 12. Loads of the 'less desirable' rows are free. So for our holiday this year, DS 1 yr old sits on my lap, DS 3yr old got a free seat selection next to me, and I had to pay €8 to pick DHs seat to sit beside us.

AzurePanda · 26/08/2025 14:48

Flying is a hell of a lot cheaper than it used to be so it’s hardly surprising you need to pay for seats. I’ve never had a problem with my paid for seat selection, aside from families who haven’t paid asking if I would move so they could sit together.

GlasgowGal2014 · 26/08/2025 14:47

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 26/08/2025 14:40

In the event of an evacuation the parents are going to be heading for their kids, rather than the nearest exit. It's so dangerous.

Show quote history

That's another good point! I know it's a really infrequent occurrence, but if they need to make sure only able bodied adults sit beside emergency exits and that no hand luggage is stored on the floor in those rows as a matter of course, then surely they should also ensure that their youngest passengers are seated next to the people who should be assisting them in an emergency?

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 26/08/2025 14:46

MyDogHumpsThings · 26/08/2025 14:45

If you are unable, thorough no fault of your own, to occupy the seat you have paid for, the airline should refund it. No idea if they actually do, but if they’ve charged for a service they cannot provide, it feels reasonable that you should be refunded the price you paid to select the seats.

Well apparently they generally don't.

Which is rather a disincentive to pay for it, isn't it?

MyDogHumpsThings · 26/08/2025 14:45

If you are unable, thorough no fault of your own, to occupy the seat you have paid for, the airline should refund it. No idea if they actually do, but if they’ve charged for a service they cannot provide, it feels reasonable that you should be refunded the price you paid to select the seats.

2thumbs · 26/08/2025 14:44

How tall is your DH?

Scottishskifun · 26/08/2025 14:43

Some airlines do put children with parents for free but then state that together can mean row infront etc.

We had it on a holiday where we couldn't buy seats as was a charter and despite arriving early tried to sit our then 5 year old on his own with DH behind. Thankfully the cabin crew didn't give the person the option (no seats could be booked) and got them to move very quickly.

LegallyBlondish · 26/08/2025 14:41

Usually, the seats with the extra leg-room are next to the emergency exit and, as such, cannot be used by a child. I know as DH is very tall and we had this issue when our children (also tall) were minors.

That being the case, I cannot see how OP could have sat with her DH and DD in the extra leg-room seats..

It all sounds horrendous, for the OP and I sympathise. However, DH and I pay for our seats, I don't like flying, and I'm not sure that I would change seats for anybody.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 26/08/2025 14:40

GlasgowGal2014 · 26/08/2025 14:39

I know it has totally become the norm to book seats on flights and the prevailing view on Mumsnet is that if you want to sit beside your kids you should cough up, but having read the recent thread about small children having to sit by themselves between strangers I can't help but think there is a safeguarding element. Not just the stranger danger, but other risks such as choking, exposure to allergens etc, ability to fasten their own safety belt etc. And in the event of an evacuation are the strangers sitting next to them supposed to help fit their air masks and be responsible for helping them evacuate from the plane? Air carriers generally don't allow kids under 12-14 fly unaccompanied so I feel like if that's the case then children any younger than that should automatically be seated with a parent or guardian without having to pay extra.

In the event of an evacuation the parents are going to be heading for their kids, rather than the nearest exit. It's so dangerous.

Catsandcwtches · 26/08/2025 14:39

Would ferry be an option for your next holiday, and staying closer to home? I took the ferry with my two young kids (one autistic) this summer and found it brilliant, less waiting around and going through lots of different systems. None of the seat problems and we were free to walk around and go to shops etc

GlasgowGal2014 · 26/08/2025 14:39

I know it has totally become the norm to book seats on flights and the prevailing view on Mumsnet is that if you want to sit beside your kids you should cough up, but having read the recent thread about small children having to sit by themselves between strangers I can't help but think there is a safeguarding element. Not just the stranger danger, but other risks such as choking, exposure to allergens etc, ability to fasten their own safety belt etc. And in the event of an evacuation are the strangers sitting next to them supposed to help fit their air masks and be responsible for helping them evacuate from the plane? Air carriers generally don't allow kids under 12-14 fly unaccompanied so I feel like if that's the case then children any younger than that should automatically be seated with a parent or guardian without having to pay extra.

Catsandcwtches · 26/08/2025 14:38

Would ferry be an option for your next holiday, and staying closer to home? I took the ferry with my two young kids (one autistic) this summer and found it brilliant, less waiting around and going through lots of different systems. None of the seat problems and we were free to walk around and go to shops etc

Original poster
raggedymum · 26/08/2025 14:36

purpleme12 · 26/08/2025 14:26

I recently took a plane ride with my child (11)..
I suspect she might have ADHD. Does have some autistic traits. Not diagnosed.
Isn't familiar with planes.
She panicked inside the whole time through going through airport procedures from start to finish on airport there and again on airport back.
She pushed our little box too soon through the conveyor belt as we'd not put everything on yet. Easily sorted by doing another one but made her panic even more when she realised she'd done it wrong. She got us in the wrong queue on the way back cos she was panicking so much she wasn't thinking straight. Then she panicked when security took her labubu for an extra scan on the way back as she thought she'd lost it forever I think.
After this it really did cross my mind about how maybe the sunflower thing might be useful.

Oh, that sounds so familiar... you expect there be just-past-toddler-issues with a 4yo, the last time we had flown. The chaos of a normally-together 10yo encountering a new environment was a surprise. They also took her aside for extra run-over with the hand scanner thing and wouldn't let a parent come too, and she was beside herself. Despite me standing literally 6 feet away. I kept saying "She's just 10, she's just 10", hoping the scary, serious americans would realise they had a child... Ugh. It was more than just the seats that made the trip horrible...

OP posts:
CatMum27 · 26/08/2025 14:34

Also I am always surprised how many people refuse to move when they are sat alone.

Because they are also people who may have paid for a specific seat for a specific reason? Because they are likely the ones who get asked to move on every flight because they are travelling alone and have had enough? Because they have a need or condition which you don’t know about and have planned for it accordingly? I could go on.

Single people get shafted enough with stuff without this as well, especially around travel. For what it’s worth I think airlines should seat children with parents by default and without charge. But they want to bleed you dry of every penny so this is the way it currently is.

Sparklybanana · 26/08/2025 14:32

They should just assign seats like they do on trains. Those who book together stay together, and you get to choose middle, window, aisle front or back, and extra space. Everything else should be the algorithm designating seat positions. We all have phones nowadays and seat assignment can be by app just prior to boarding. Then everyone should be happy and you don't need to inconvenience yourself by getting up for a stranger. Broken seats can be taken off the system too and passengers who miss flights can still be treated as human for your most favoured opinion (such as 'stay together' or 'window'). Would also help with queuing. "Queue 1 is now boarding..."
Passengers all just want a fair system.

Ablondiebutagoody · 26/08/2025 14:32

Cynic17 · 26/08/2025 13:50

OP, you do understand, don't you, that if you didn't pay separately for allocated seats, the cost would just be rolled up into the total price? So, back in the "old days" you might pay £500 for a flight...... your reserved seat, hold luggage, taxes and food were all "free".
Now you might pay £250 for a flight, but with all the other extras added on separately, the total amount that you pay is still £500. It is just a marketing ploy, no more and no less. So it really makes zero difference either way!

Unless you go hand luggage only and don't care where you sit

pontipinemum · 26/08/2025 14:30

It does sound really stressful and crap!

I think the reason that people have that attitude though is because whilst your issues are genuine we all have heard or seen or experienced ourselves people that did not pay for their seats just expecting others to accommodate them.

If there were no CFs who did it, then when a genuine occasion happened most people wouldn't mind.

Swiftie1878 · 26/08/2025 14:29

Icanttakethisanymore · 26/08/2025 14:13

Isn't the issue that there didn't used to be any jeopardy and you'd just get sat together by default if you booked together? The airlines are just making a bit of extra cash by selling you something that costs them nothing and you used to get for free!

Show quote history

Flight prices (basic) are much lower than they used to be - well until recently! - so I just add in the seat costs as standard now.
If you aren’t fussed about where you sit on a flight, then obviously there’s no jeopardy for you and you don’t need to pay that extra charge.
We like to be in a certain section of the plane, we like window, middle and aisle seats together and to be some of the earliest served by the trolley service. They are our preferences, and I think it’s a positive that we can choose and pay for what we want.

Chompingatthebeat · 26/08/2025 14:29

Why dont they do it like train seats?

Original poster
raggedymum · 26/08/2025 14:28

shiningstar2 · 26/08/2025 14:23

You had a very bad experience on your last trip op but if that had not happened and you had got the seats you had paid for I'm sure you would be equally unwilling to give them up for other people to sit together. You were very unlucky that the seats you had paid for were broken .You, just like other people who bought seats, spent money on those seats for very specific reasons. (talk husband, young daughter) and you wanted the seats you had paid for. That is true for everybody else who paid for particular seats as well. This only happened to DH and I once. We paid for extra leg room as husband 6ft 2 with disc problems. We looked like a nice likely couple to exchange for people wanting to sit together because she's back problems (quite serious) are not obvious. When we politely refused the requester was barely polite. I am at a complete loss to understand why his problem (unpaid for) should be a priority over my husbands problem (planned for and paid for in advance) The person stood about a while and it was clear that any pain my husband would have suffered (which from past experience continues into the holiday and beyond) was of absolutely no interest to him. I feel sorry for cabin crews who only want to get the flight underway but there is no way it is right for airlines to take money for seats then expect people to move for those who cynically chance not paying. It; s a product I've paid for like any other product, payment made in good faith to the airline.

I completely agree - that's why I think it's the paying for seats overall that's broken the system, not the individuals who don't want to move.

I did once encounter when flying alone for work and the only available seats were exit rows which I can't sit in due to having mobility difficulties. But apparently there are some "hidden" seats as when I phoned the airline after being forced to select an exit row seat upon purchase they were able to move me (and they refunded the extra money for the exit... it wouldn't let me just go on without selecting a seat! so at least that was reasonable)

OP posts: