Ex's gf buying DD back to school uniform

Sorry I don't see the issue. I am perhaps assuming he did pay for the uniform like you wanted, but maybe it was easier for his gf to do this.
What is it you wanted from this situation? Did you want him to directly give you the money?
Or is it more that you wanted transport to get the uniform and him driving DD? In which case you could have got the bus (you mention something about if you knew the gf was going then you would have asked an Aunt).

My dp (we don't live together or have any financial ties) bought half the uniform for my dc.

What's the issue? It's not a personal slight against you, it's someone doing something nice for your dd.

I did it is a loving aunt. My sister is on a low income, and she said she was struggling to afford her child's uniform.

I asked for shoe size and bought new shoes. Pinafores shirts tights socks etc it was a novelty for me without school age children.

My sister was as pissed off as you and said she would rather I gave her a bank transfer so she could go and buy it.

I never did bother again.

You are no longer in a relationship with this man so you no longer get to dictate who he spends time with and unfortunately who he has around your daughter (unless of course there was cause for concern with regards to neglect/abuse)

This woman clearly wants to make an effort with the daughter you should see it as a positive.

While I understand the thought of another woman getting your child’s school uniform is unsettling (and despite what people on here say, most would feel something other than good vibes about it), perhaps she only did as her partner asked. And as you know, many men will try and get out of daughter shopping with no other intentions behind it. So assume innocence first.
As you know your ex best, it could be a “dig” at you in some small way but regardless, it is best to take a step back.
The circumstances of your breakup (cheating etc), will determine if you thank this lady. If she played no part in your breakup, it would be appropriate to thank her. If you decide to do so, do NOT go through your ex, get a message to her separately.
If that is not possible, simply ask your daughter to pass on your thanks the next time she sees her (this strengthens trust with your daughter too).
The issue of your partner being controlling in the past is not his problem anymore because you have removed yourself from the situation and it never was his gf’s issue. What goes on between them is none of your business.
It is down to you to deal with any issues stemming from his controlling behaviour in the past and by that I mean to resolve the reasons you ended up with someone controlling. Then put esteem in
place to ensure any future relationship is healthy. And this will save your daughter from following the same pattern too when she is older. Your actions make your child, not what you say. Good luck.

I get what you are saying. He clearly couldn’t be arsed to do it himself so asked his gf to do it.

I wouldn’t say anything though. She has her clothes so focus on that.

Did she sew name labels in too ? If not send them round to their house with needle and thread lol

Of course it is.

Going against the grain here clearly, but I don’t think you’re BU at all OP.

This is the sort of thing a parent or grandparent does. I think she’s stepped on your toes.

YABU. For many, many reasons.

Not least that when you split with your ex you lost all ability to tell him what to do with your daughter on his time (and obviously vice versa). I mean is his gf allowed to buy her a present, pay for a meal at a restaurant, buy her non-school clothes. Of course she is.

You’re just trying to control him from beyond the marriage / partnership and you have no more right to do that to him than he does to you.

Nobody knows your back story with your ex. I know I buy DSD a lot of clothes, more than her dad does really because she enjoys shopping with me and I tend to get it more right than her dad does. It might be innocent. Now DSD is 12 it is expensive for me though!

YABU, it’s important that your DD has a good relationship with ex’s new partner whether you like it or not. It’s safe, stable and secure. It was probably a nice bonding experience for them.

Don't overthink this.

My initial reaction was what a lovely GF to do that. She may have only gone shopping not paid, but either way, that's really kind of her.

And he sorted the request you made.

Move on.

Its you that seems controlling - wanting control in your ex's life.

It does matter depending on the reasons why he didn’t go out and it.
If it’s a case of he couldn’t be bothered or “women are better at this sort of thing” or it’s boring and he wants to go to the gym instead then he’s a red flag for the girlfriend and it won’t be long before he gets her to make his DD’s tea or take her to school because it’s more convenient for the girlfriend to do it.
Working parents manage to go out and get it so I’m not even sure work is an excuse for him either.

My ex would definitely make up excuses to not go out and buy uniform and if he had a gf he would definitely be planning for her to go out and do it if I asked him to do it.

@Holibobby I know your car broke but unless you live rurally do you have access to public transport? My family member’s car broke and he suddenly couldn’t go out anywhere because he didn’t have a car. You definitely should be able to rely on your child’s father to help in difficult circumstances but you still had options if you have other ways to get to the shops.

You had a problem. He fixed your problem for you.

I strongly doubt you'd be complaining if (eg) his mother or sister had sorted the uniform for him. You just feel weird about it because it's his partner. But you need to move past that I think. To be perfectly honest, I think it was bloody good of her to do it!

The number of posts we see on here saying things like 'I asked Ex-H to sort our DD's uniform/swimming lessons/birthday party booking/whatever and he said he didn't have time, what a shit dad, he's now created a load of extra work for me and I'm going to have to ask my mum and dad to do it which is unfair on them etc' are huge, so I would just be grateful that when you asked him to sort something, it was sorted. It doesn't really matter who did the shopping - it's done and your DD's happy with it.

You feel bad because you think the step mum will think you aren’t a good mum.
It was kind for her to do it, and something you need to learn to live with.

You asked him to sort it - he did

He may have paid for it and just asked his GF to take DD as he was busy? Or perhaps thought another woman would be better at helping her choose styles etc and so better for your DD?

If he’s doing this to wind you up, so what!?

wind him up right back! Be gushing with your thanks.

have you any idea how much money they’ve saved you?

This wouldn’t bother me at all. In fact I’d appreciate it. In the early days of my relationship with my husband, I used to be the one choosing things for his nephew and nieces for Christmas and that might include clothes. I just knew what things to get.

Yabu. You asked, you recieved. Whats to grumble over?

Assuming there’s not a backstory about the girlfriend. It sounds like she was helping out. Perhaps she knew what to get?
It’s quite likely that the dad gave the money to the girlfriend anyway. And she just facilitated it

Assuming she’s not weird or there’s a backstory kids need more adults in their lives. I’d be grateful if my kids stepmother did something like this.

see if you can get her to name it all while you’re at it!

I wish dd's dad or girlfriend would buy her uniform!

YABU. I can't see what it has got to do with being controlling. At the end of the day, your DD needed uniform, she now has it - goal achieved. Really shouldn't matter who got it and I'd be grateful that my ex's GF was supportive and happy to help out. The issue here is yours.

If it was your DD that told you about the uniform I don’t see how that’s controlling? He didn’t text you straight away to rub your face in it. You asked him to get the uniform and your DD comes home with uniform. What’s the issue? He might of paid for it but his gf took her shopping to get them 🤷‍♀️ even if the gf did pay for it just be lucky that your DD has another person to look out for her

As people have said, you asked him to sort it. His gf got it, that isn’t much different from him getting it, is it?