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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel resentment that my parents are so well off

646 replies

Lissm · 26/08/2025 12:18

I know I will get flamed for this...
My parents are in their early 70s. My father worked in a factory in a low skilled job and was made redundant when he was 56, and retired on a full pension. My mother worked on and off as a cashier and stopped working at 57.

They have a house which must be worth close to £800k, purchased for £40k, and £200k+ in savings and investments. They are able to save at least £1k each month.

We have worked just as hard as they have but we will never have their sort of financial security. We have 6 months of savings and that's it.

I feel so angry that this has happened - not at them but at the situation.

I thought every subsequent generation would at least enjoy the same standard of living. I dread to think what is going to happen to my children.

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 26/08/2025 15:02

I think it’s a case of just acknowledging that there has been an anomaly, and within families trying to even it out a bit if you can.

Just the acknowledgment from a lot of boomers would be helpful - it’s the “we worked hard” as though previous and subsequent generations didn’t that is jarring.

Some boomers are obviously lovely, and grateful for any good fortune, and keen to help their kids.

But when you read on here about people who have already had that benefit of the housing market growth, final salary pensions etc, and then get an inheritance from their own parents, but decide they’re going to spend it all and leave nothing for their kids, that’s what can be quite hard to hear. In the past “generational wealth” was seen as just that - something you received but tried to pass on in turn.

Mind you, people did care for their elderly family themselves in those days too. Or the women did - men have generally had pretty charmed lives in that respect!

Barney16 · 26/08/2025 15:01

My parents are elderly and well off. Im not banking on inheriting anything, if either parent need a care home every thing will go. It will have to because I have no money to support them. Neither do I have the time or the will to live with them or have them live with me. I can't provide care because I'm working a full time job with no prospect of being able to retire. I can't afford it. If I do inherit anything it will probably go to my children because although they all work buying a house is out of their reach. I don't begrudge my parents their money. They worked hard for it. What saddens me is the generational erosion of living standards.

MyNameIsX · 26/08/2025 15:00

Lissm · 26/08/2025 12:18

I know I will get flamed for this...
My parents are in their early 70s. My father worked in a factory in a low skilled job and was made redundant when he was 56, and retired on a full pension. My mother worked on and off as a cashier and stopped working at 57.

They have a house which must be worth close to £800k, purchased for £40k, and £200k+ in savings and investments. They are able to save at least £1k each month.

We have worked just as hard as they have but we will never have their sort of financial security. We have 6 months of savings and that's it.

I feel so angry that this has happened - not at them but at the situation.

I thought every subsequent generation would at least enjoy the same standard of living. I dread to think what is going to happen to my children.

Grow up.

Howmanycatsistoomany · 26/08/2025 14:59

steepdreams · 26/08/2025 14:18

This graphic showing the difference in house price growth vs wage growth really shows just how difficult it is now

https://www.reddit.com/r/dataisbeautiful/s/hYUo5oWlHf

I understand your frustration OP. For those saying, “Won’t you inherit?”, have you thought that most of us want to be financially comfortable on our own merit and not only after awful losses??

and you only have to read down the first few comments on the thread to see why that graph is misleading.

Lifestooshort6591 · 26/08/2025 14:59

JustPassingThruHere · 26/08/2025 13:44

If only they were poor to make you feel better. Life is so unfair.

😂

7372RR · 26/08/2025 14:58

Fragmentedbrain · 26/08/2025 12:21

How did they buy a 40k house with those earnings?

And what do you do for work?

Anyway presumably you'll inherit when they die.

Quite easily in the 80s/early 90s. ExH and I got our house for £48K, a 3 bed semi about 40 miles outside of London.

He was on about 12/15k, me 4K

smoulderingmould · 26/08/2025 14:56

My parents also benefited from universal family allowance/child benefit

mondaytosunday · 26/08/2025 14:56

Hang on. What were their circumstances when they were your age? You can’t compare how they are now with how you are, presumably 25 if not more, years younger!
My own parents died very well off (and I benefited from that). But at age 40 the story was completely different! My father was a doctor but had almost a full year in hospital from a disease, my mother worked and had three of us all under ten, she says she’d sometimes have to decide between a pound of sausages and a dozen eggs. She had to borrow money for our uniforms.
Eventually through lots of work etc things improved financially and by the time they were in their 60s were quite well off. But my Dad worked til he was in his 70s.
So yes things may seem unfair, it is a different world now. My dad could afford, one his doctor salary, a big house in a good area. Now, my doctor sister could never dream of owning such a house. But it’s never crossed any of our minds to begrudge them this as you seem to be, despite you saying it’s the situation.
The house value is how the market is. To have £200k in savings is pretty good for two people on low wages - did they invest well?

smoulderingmould · 26/08/2025 14:55

I still prefer it still existed @Rosscameasdoody

Rosscameasdoody · 26/08/2025 14:53

smoulderingmould · 26/08/2025 14:41

Everyone also forgets MIRAS when discussing high interest rates in the past.

Introduced in 1983 and bit by bit reduced and eventually phased out in 1999. At its peak it wasn’t very generous - it was applied at the rate of taxation of the higher earner - as an example a higher rate 40% tax payer with a mortgage of £60,000 saved around £1200 a year, which reduced as various reductions came into effect.

Sharptonguedwoman · 26/08/2025 14:53

manicpixieschemegirl · 26/08/2025 12:44

I’ll never understand older people who are in a position to help their adult children but don’t, especially in this financial climate.

I read a comment recently that said boomers are the only generation who want to do better than their children.

I wouldn't believe everything you read, Honestly. I'm a mid range boomer and my friends babysit/do school runs/childcare/volunteer/buy their children cars/give or load money for house deposits. Look about you and talk to people. There's a lot of bile in the media about boomers, little of it true.

Skybluepinky · 26/08/2025 14:51

They are in their 70’s and you aren’t.

silverygreen · 26/08/2025 14:49

All this generational spite. What goes around comes around. Enjoy. It will be your turn next.

Lifestooshort6591 · 26/08/2025 14:47

MidnightPatrol · 26/08/2025 14:33

Saved every penny for two years for a deposit is quite funny in context of the challenges faced by today’s young people…

I’m sure you made lots of sacrifices - but that ignores that the price of housing relative to wages is many multiples higher today than it was in 1977.

The two years was not the total extent of the deposit, we both had savings. But the poster is moaning about her parents great standard of living and how easy it seems to have been for them. Maybe we had more opportunities to buy a house, but it was not an 'easy' life.

Theoturkeyflieswest · 26/08/2025 14:45

I8toys · 26/08/2025 14:34

Its rubbish and I fear for my children getting a house.

Its even worse when all of that dosh goes into care home fees and you see none of it. Soon as we can we will downsize and give the cash to our kids so that they have something.

Planning the same

Flamingoknees · 26/08/2025 14:45

MidnightPatrol · 26/08/2025 12:28

I think you can be angry at the general societal situation - but it’s not reasonable to be angry at them personally.

It’s not like they have personally wronged you in some way.

The housing situation is in particular intensely frustrating.

This, plus you possibly benefited from a much more "comfortable" childhood than they did.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 26/08/2025 14:42

Fragmentedbrain · 26/08/2025 12:21

How did they buy a 40k house with those earnings?

And what do you do for work?

Anyway presumably you'll inherit when they die.

Why would you presume that? Neither my DH or I will inherit anything from our parents.

smoulderingmould · 26/08/2025 14:41

Everyone also forgets MIRAS when discussing high interest rates in the past.

smoulderingmould · 26/08/2025 14:40

@JudgeJ so you agree with me then? people did holiday & go to the pub.

SamphiretheTervosaur · 26/08/2025 14:39

Some info missing... retired on pensions and save a grand a month!!??!! £200K in investments over and above their pensions?

They must have scrimped and saved for their whole working lives to accumulate that much!

You need to adjust your expectations. Everyone does. There is one generation that did well out of the post war boom years. They lived through bombs, rationing and shit working conditions, restrictive social conditions and had no idea they would ever reap any unexpected benefits in their later years - many have not!

Look around you. See what fucking amazing things that generation developed and invented for you. Be as grateful you didn't have the negative things they lived through as you are resentful of the things they gained

crossstitchingnana · 26/08/2025 14:38

My silent gen parents are absolutely broke. They have almost come to the end of their equity release, so that’s almost all gone, and live very frugally. So, it’s not all that generation.

JudgeJ · 26/08/2025 14:38

smoulderingmould · 26/08/2025 13:42

Maybe a lot of we awful boomers didn't have many holidays, rarely ate out, didn't have the opportunity to spend on the newest tech, didn't change cars every couple of years, didn't spend as much on clothes, didn't have a £4 coffee wedged in our hands, the list is endless. I know how difficult it can be for families t

But boomers did holiday in the UK & abroad when cheap flights came in during the 90s. You couldn't spend as much on tech as it didn't exist! The boomer generation always went to the pub & spent far more on alcohol then todays generation.

What trash! I'm referring to 60s, early 70s, the time of 18% mortgage rates. Clearly even the doziest person on MN realises that the tech of today didn't exist, like it didn't exist 15 years ago but there were things we could have spent money on, bigger TVs, even colour TVs (!). We didn't 'always' go to the pub, once we stopped being students, we certainly didn't spend a lot on alcohol, eg a never ending range of gins, lots of vodka shots and so on, cider and bitter were our poisons of choice! There were holidays, often in a leaky tent in the UK or near the channel port, holiday flights were just becoming accessible in the 70s.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 26/08/2025 14:37

@Lissm i am a boomer and myself and dh have done very well. we worked and saved hard though and many years we didnt have a holiday. I compared myself to the people who went abroad twice a year and have nothing! it is not all down to luck, some of it is sacrifice. we did the best for our children and grandchildren. we have cleared their mortgages and the will inherit a lot when we die only if can can keep it from the bloody tax man though!! I was brought up in a council house.

30Plants · 26/08/2025 14:37

Ddakji · 26/08/2025 12:35

You are not being unreasonable to resent this situation, of course. Many boomers/silent gen are lucky in this regard.

What annoys me is when those fortunate enough to be in that situation don’t realise it. My mother absolutely did, she knew that she had been lucky in this way. MIL and her DH, less so. Very little concept or care of how different things are for their children and will be for their grandchildren.

How did your mum's realising she was lucky make you feel better? Was it that she gave you money, and your in-laws didn't? Or are you just annoyed at the lack of sympathy for your situation?

smoulderingmould · 26/08/2025 14:37

Married in 1977, after having saved every penny for two years to get a deposit for a home,

Surely your rent was pretty low to allow you to save a deposit in just 2 yrs!