I've just seen the most depressing thing

And how is talking to a child deemed performance parenting? Very strange

Surely the post just means when you observe this kind of thing ...a child on a phone or being ignored by a parent with a phone for a stretch of time at a cafe or round a supermarket or whatever. This isn't a courtroom...we don't have to prove beyond a reasonable doubt with CCTV that a child was not interacted with by an adult for x time. We all know this happens. Posters turning themselves inside out to try and defend it or shout "snapshot" are being disingenuous...we know this happens and schools and society and seeing the results.

I dont understand this post. How do you know how often people speak to their kids when your not around them?

Sometimes I think we just get really overwhelmed and just need to zone out for a bit.
Have to say I'm generally anti phones around children, don't like seeing it as use of entertainment especially when you're out. It should be about socialising, chatting, eye contact, enjoying wherever you are etc... but some days just take its toll and maybe that was one of them.

This is sad, but it’s the poor little one choking on her food I would be more worried about 😞

They just see it as a quick and easy win. I want to eat my meal in peace now so I’m going to give them ‘the tablet’, rather than actually teaching them proper social skills. It’s like people have forgotten that they’re the parent- not some personal amusement coordinator. I frequently tell my eldest that I’m not in charge of their entertainment. Your kid is bored in the queue? Tough- they need to learn that the world doesn’t revolve around them and they’re not owed fun 24/7. No wonder some kids are struggling to sit in classrooms.

TBH society treats a lot of problems like this now and that’s probably why we’re in such a mess. Instant gratification. I want this now and I don’t want to have to wait or work for it. I want it Amazon primed to me instantly. There seems to be limited long term thinking now.

It also helps with spelling, colour and just general observation skills. My kids used to love I Spy too.

THIS. In a nutshell.

What some parents are failing to realise is the lack of social skills these kids are going forward with. You are seriously hindering their development.

My kids love I spy- and so did I when I was their age! Let kids be kids.

WTF’s wrong with I Spy? What do you do with your kids to pass the time when waiting (aside from sticking them on a sodding screen?) discuss Love Island?

I also can honestly say I’m not an incredible parent- very average and also lazy at times. In fact my kids have probably learned to play independently because I’m crap at playing and will do virtually anything to get out of it. But I don’t let them sit and brain rot in front of instagram reels/shorts and I wouldn’t ignore them for 30 minutes in a cafe while they were gagging on their food. If that’s what he does out with her in public (for his precious once a week contact time) I applaud the mother for leaving him.

What I find really odd is people getting tablets or phones out to “entertain” their kids when they’re out and doing something. Being out is the entertainment in itself.

I only give my kids screens when I genuinely need to get something important done (e.g force toddler into car for dentist appointment we’re about to miss!) or have a proper breather. Otherwise, they happily go off and play independently for hours- because we haven’t relied on screens from the start.

When we’re out for a meal as a family, I actually want their presence, not their blank faces staring at a device. Yes, it’s hard work at first- when they’re 2 for example- but my 3yo has now learned (albeit with a bit of colouring and entertaining from me) how to sit and chat and be a present part of the group. My older children can sit, make conversation, ask questions, listen, look around the room, be aware. How do people think kids develop these skills?

If we keep over-relying on screens, we’re going to have a generation of adults who can’t sit for any length of time without over-the-top stimulus- or at the very least who have awful table manners and poor conversation skills because they’ve never learned how to be genuinely present with people. It is depressing!

I have children and I completely and utterly agree with everything OP says. It’s shit parenting.

And, just for balance, no I’m not a perfect parent. No one is. But there are little things you can do to make yourself a ‘good enough’ one. Engaging with your child on some level while in a cafe is one of them.

I have seen this and it does look sad. I dont like it but as long as they arent eating out regularly. Young kids and restaurants dont really mix anyway.

Completely agree with you. I really don’t care if it’s a snapshot, it’s still a shit way to occupy your child.

I saw very similar recently. A mum, dad and grandmother going to lunch with an 18 month old and a boy of about 4. In the hour that we were there, the parents and grandmother said barely two words to the boy. They just gave him an ipad and he gawked at that the whole time. He didn’t even put it away to eat. Just shovelled food into his mouth while watching a video. I saw all I needed to see in that ‘snapshot’. These adults weren’t stressed or trying to negotiate some important business meeting- they were all just out for a leisurely lunch (in fact it was actually Mothers Day if I recall) and the children should absolutely be included properly in this interaction. Teach them to eat in a restaurant properly. Screens away. End of.

Yep, the 3 year old was definitely checking her homework on Instagram.

To hopefully cheer everyone up...I was walking home from my weekly swim and went my usual route past open fields used as parkland. There was a dad and daughter and dog ALL playing football together...all passing the ball to each other ,all giggling , dog barking intermittently , all taking it in turns to kick the ball and pass it to each other ...the dog obviously just pushing it with his nose but ALL having their turn at the football . Brought a big smile to my face

Absolutely agree with you.

There was a post here earlier about a person not wanting to give her DD a phone and wanting advice about her DD settling into seniors… the amount of people saying she should get her 11/12 year old a phone and it’s her fault her DD is bullied etc… awful!
wish more parents said no to their kids… wouldn’t be so many horrible teens around

Well yes but apparently there's a fair swathe of the population that doesn't want to hear it, given the vitriol thrown at the OP for raising the issue.

It feels like teachers are the canaries in the mine.