I've just seen the most depressing thing

What I find really odd is people getting tablets or phones out to “entertain” their kids when they’re out and doing something. Being out is the entertainment in itself.

I only give my kids screens when I genuinely need to get something important done (e.g force toddler into car for dentist appointment we’re about to miss!) or have a proper breather. Otherwise, they happily go off and play independently for hours- because we haven’t relied on screens from the start.

When we’re out for a meal as a family, I actually want their presence, not their blank faces staring at a device. Yes, it’s hard work at first- when they’re 2 for example- but my 3yo has now learned (albeit with a bit of colouring and entertaining from me) how to sit and chat and be a present part of the group. My older children can sit, make conversation, ask questions, listen, look around the room, be aware. How do people think kids develop these skills?

If we keep over-relying on screens, we’re going to have a generation of adults who can’t sit for any length of time without over-the-top stimulus- or at the very least who have awful table manners and poor conversation skills because they’ve never learned how to be genuinely present with people. It is depressing!

You talking to the Pp and thinking only women can do the discipline when she was actually referring to a Pp as well
It can be confusing, don't worry 😉

It’s really sad @Havesomecommonsense .. I was in costa coffee yesterday and a mum was sat in there with her 2 children, the baby (under 18 months I’d guess) was watching an iPad.. it was age appropriate content BUT I really don’t think watching flashing screens is good for brain development… and I personally think in the not distant future the amount of children now with ADHD will be blamed on over stimulation by tech at young crucial development stages!

THIS. In a nutshell.

What some parents are failing to realise is the lack of social skills these kids are going forward with. You are seriously hindering their development.

That's a low blow. I'm 2 years out of 19 years of domestic abuse, which I fell into because horrendous childhood abuse had convinced me there was something wrong with me. Despite this, I did see red flags but he pretended to be a kindred spirit, inventing his own abuse history to disarm me and explain away the red flag behaviours, before spending the next decade systematically destroying my confidence, finances and isolating me from any support I had. I speak from bitter experience having taught me, finally, to trust my gut, and being able to see, when I had our son 14 years into our relationship, that we deserved better than that POS.

Oh bless you @Anchorage56
Take everything on here with a pinch of salt.
People speak in generalisations don't they

Wish your Grandma had taught you not to be so rude - it's obvious your Mum didn't.

and your dd would be quite right to tell you to fuck off. You have parented your children and you have no right to tell your dd how to parent hers. Don’t be so fucking smug.

Well yes of course! But we are chatting in the realm of this forum aren't we?

Unfortunately, your spidey sense wasn't good was it?
Hence you giving your poor DS a "show parent"

Sorry though, must be bloody hard work!

I love how you caution against making judgements, and then you go and make a judgement. Well, to answer one sweeping generalisation with another; could it be that the reason you see mums on phones and dads engaging is because a) you see more mums alone with kids than dads and b) women carry the mental load? My son's father is a "show parent". Just sees him enough to get some good pics for social media. Has never done a bedtime, bought clothes, been to a medical appointment, administered medication, arranged a trip, done a school run, doesn't even cook him anything; I have to send food with my son, otherwise he'd come home starving. He doesn't need to be on the phone like me, sorting out his EHCP, specialist therapies, trying to find a house near a school that CAN meet need, ordering supplies to complete the renovation of our current home so we can afford something better next time because this shit hole was all I could afford because he wouldn't part with any more than half the proceeds, even though he lived with his parents 2 years after we split. Not that the male parent isn't also glued to his phone a good amount of the 6 hours per week, 46 weeks per year he can be arsed to see him (and that's when he's not letting him run about industrial work spaces so he can get some overtime in).

Some dads are trash and our spidey sense to sniff them out is usually pretty good.

Dont think that MN is the place to get the right opinions on what the general public think. In the real world plenty people talk to their kids and plenty people dont think talking to kids is performance parenting. Always take MN with a pinch of salt.

It was LITERALLY talked about earlier in the thread when pps said that if you talk to your child you are accused on here of performance parenting. I don't agree. I think adults should talk to their children and include them as part of the family at mealtimes etc.

A brief snapshot of a person’s life doesn’t give you the whole picture.

Of course it’s awful to be on your phone instead of giving a child your full attention but I see women everywhere I go that are glued to their phones. I also think children being given a phone as entertainment is sad.

But, you know nothing about him. He could be depressed and struggling to cope with the break up. He could have not long finished a night shift and be exhausted. His grandmother may have just died! Anything absolutely anything that you know nothing about could have caused him to feel weary and cope the best way he could at that moment in time.

Yes, chances are he was clueless but even so…

I have to say that whenever I see men on their own with children they are engaging and talking to their, it’s women that are glued to their phones.

It was LITERALLY talked about earlier in the thread when pps said that if you talk to your child you are accused on here of performance parenting. I don't agree. I think adults should talk to their children and include them as part of the family at mealtimes etc.

I've told my dd I ever see her shoving a screen at her dd in public I'll be removing it.