Page 18 | I've just seen the most depressing thing

Havesomecommonsense · 2025-08-26T09:48:33+00:00

In a coffee shop, in comes a Dad and his daughter (roughly 3 years old) He made a comment to the daughter about this being a weekly visit before he dropped her back to the mum He then sat her on his lap, gave her a phone and she watched instagram videos and he watched his own phone holding it over her head.. He gave her some food, which she kept choking on intermittently. He barely said 2 words to her Yes I'm judging, but fgs do better

theDudesmummy · 26/08/2025 13:46

I agree about Instagram though! Often a depressing cesspit as far as I can see...and not at all suitable for small children.

theriseandfallofFranklinSaint · 26/08/2025 13:45

Well @Havesomecommonsense you can see who on here goes on their phone when out with their kids! 🙄

Tiredandtiredagain · 26/08/2025 13:45

redjeans28 · 26/08/2025 13:24

No it's not insane. Lots of people are not as defensive as posters on here. Lots of people actually listen to the advice their parents give them.

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Taking the item from the child is not “giving advice” it’s controlling.

Lots of people are not as controlling as others on here.

AzurePanda · 26/08/2025 13:44

There’s no excuse for letting a child of this age watch instagram videos whatever might be happening in the parent’s life.

redjeans28 · 26/08/2025 13:44

DeborahKerr · 26/08/2025 13:26

I am not sure grabbing the phone of your hand as the poster claim they would do qualifies as "advice" 😂

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Oh stop being so dramatic. Why are you using exaggerated language? That poster said removed, not grabbing.

theDudesmummy · 26/08/2025 13:42

@redjeans28, news for you, some kids really really can't handle an airport queue or a restaurant meal without a "distraction". So should we never go on holiday or to a restaurant in case people like you get "shocked" by this?

theDudesmummy · 26/08/2025 13:38

If my kid is "bored" he will be making involuntary loud hooting noises, bouncing and flapping around the room, and generally drawing attention to himself and annoying everyone. Letting him watch YouTube in a restaurant (obviously with earpods) is definitely the lesser of two evils as I don't think my skin is thick enough to deal with the level of tuts and stares in that situation (been there, done that). Not everyone is the same and not one size fits all

redjeans28 · 26/08/2025 13:36

Lairymary · 26/08/2025 12:54

So you're more concerned what people think, than having a quiet, well behaved child to deal with? It would be lovely if all children toed the line and behaved themselves in public and only spoke when spoken to, yadda yadda....the fact is, some kids need a distraction, at the airport for example or waiting in line for that, I'm not going to apologise for giving them a device rather than having a stroppy, loud child wreaking havoc..... In the OPs case, yes that snapshot of interaction seems sad, however that's a very blasé comment from you, I hope none of your grand children have additional needs.

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This is awful. Do you never let your child just be in the real world? I find it absolutely shocking that some children can't just stand in a queue or sit at a table without their brain having to be occupied by as you say "a distraction". You have absolutely no idea the damage you're inflicting on your child.

You talk as if this is the norm, it's far from the norm. My youngest is still only 13, these 'distractions' were around when she was a toddler, it never crossed my mind to use them to shut her up at all times.

User364431 · 26/08/2025 13:36

It's probably one of those men who didn't lift a finger when the kids were babies and then fought tooth and nail for 50-50 custody during the divorce. The kid will eventually get fobbed off to a new girlfriend or stepmum.

theDudesmummy · 26/08/2025 13:35

@SnailPail what about my siuation? I absolutely am not a "lazy parent" in any way and would very insulted to be called that. Yes, its a specific set of circumstances but without knowing the people involved you just dont know do you? I have learned to develop a thick skin to the tuts and judgemental looks, if I didn't then DS wouldn't get to go out to restaurants, which is very good for his social skills and socialisation.

Mademetoxic · 26/08/2025 13:32

DeborahKerr · 26/08/2025 13:25

the funny thing is that when we talk about childhood of the past, we also recall children going through the door first thing in the morning, and only coming back at diner time - with no involvement from parents whatsoever.

As always, it has always been a bit of both. A great parent yesterday will be a great parent today, with different tools and different opportunities. A lazy parent will be the same.

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Kids need to be bored. They can use their imaginations. Play with toys.
Life can be boring sadly, kids needs to realise this too. It isn't all endless 'fun' and activities'

DurinsBane · 26/08/2025 13:31

Havesomecommonsense · 26/08/2025 12:34

IF he was trying his best, it wasn't good enough.
This is a child.
On here, if someone doesn't try hard enough to look after their dog they are jumped on, but all excuses must be made for crap parenting. It's mental

Maybe he has had her for a week (for example) and she has had his full undivided attention, and this was just one short part of that week that you saw? Spending a few minutes on a phone doesn’t make him a bad parent!

DelilahMy · 26/08/2025 13:29

Campingisnexttogodliness · 26/08/2025 11:52

I've told my dd I ever see her shoving a screen at her dd in public I'll be removing it.

Good for you. If I were your dd, I would agree with you! 😀

SnailPail · 26/08/2025 13:29

The “snapshot” argument in this type of situation is just nonsense.

Yes, in a very small minority of cases, this
will be a one off. However, I’d put my house on it being what happens most of the time.

It’s dreadful, lazy parenting that doesn’t teach socialisation, and there are plenty of non-screen ways to entertain and actually engage with a child in this scenario.

Mademetoxic · 26/08/2025 13:29

DeborahKerr · 26/08/2025 13:22

Define "downtime".
Sports is downtime, being physically active is downtime.

Insisting on having kids "bored" is just lazy parenting. There's more than enough time at home as it is, we've seen how damaging physically and mentally it is to be "bored" and stuck at home during the lockdown. Never again, and we were privileged enough to be allowed outside (on our bloody daily walk) as it is!

They have more than enough time to read their books and watch rubbish on tv, I would fail as a parent to keep them home all day doing nothing. I don't spend my weekends at home doing nothing, never have, why would I impose that on my own children?

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Have you even asked them if they want to spend time in the garden? Baking? Sorting out their toys? Watching films and having a relax?
There's plenty to do at home.

Just because you don't want to do that doesn't mean to say your children do.
I would hate to be carted about doing sports every weekend, and have no time at home.

theDudesmummy · 26/08/2025 13:28

@Idreamofelectricsheep you can't say "no one" though. What about my situation? There are always exceptions.

IDreamOfElectricSheep · 26/08/2025 13:27

People always excuse this but it’s so common now and it’s not good.
No one is saying not to be on screens ever in front of kids. We all need to from time to time. We all do our banking, shopping and deal with numerous important correspondence online but engaged parents don’t often just shut out their child like that. And if you’re out with them, at least engage with them for a short while before having to do your important thing on the phone.

JLou08 · 26/08/2025 13:26

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redjeans28 · 26/08/2025 13:26

rainbowstardrops · 26/08/2025 12:06

And if I was your daughter and you undermined my parenting, I’d tell you to fuck off!

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My god what an attitude. You wouldn't just speak to your Mum and ask her to back off? Straight to "fuck off"? Lovely.

DeborahKerr · 26/08/2025 13:26

redjeans28 · 26/08/2025 13:24

No it's not insane. Lots of people are not as defensive as posters on here. Lots of people actually listen to the advice their parents give them.

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I am not sure grabbing the phone of your hand as the poster claim they would do qualifies as "advice" 😂

DeborahKerr · 26/08/2025 13:25

Millytante · 26/08/2025 13:15

I think things must have changed literally beyond recognition since I was a child, and hardly surprising given this would have been a good 60+ years ago.
All the same, back then my parents, like everyone else, had no expectations about date nights, time off from being parents etc. The relationship necessarily expanded to include kids, so to speak.

OP’s observations just made me recall how my dear old Pa would have handled that time, in charge of me and my little brother.
We lived in London, which at the time was still full of craters, mountains of twisted rusty metal, huge great gaps between partly wrecked buildings.
On the Overground into the city, he’d be pointing out this and that spot, telling us that this crater was once his school; that mound of girders was where a famous man had lived with his pet monkey; that there pit used to be his own father’s famous dancehall, and so on.
We’d be goggle eyed at all this thrilling history……and never thought to wonder how any of it stacked up with very similar tales he tell on holidays over in his native Ireland (for years I believed he’d been brought up in Blarney Castle as a kitchen scullion 🤣)
He must sound like a weird fantasist, but it was simply absurdist entertainment by a man with a Goons obsession, and it made the grimmer aspects of London into a place of endless fascination.
(He and Ma used to perform the Goons’ Ying Tong Song at us as a so-called lullaby. 💡Just realised this must be the cause of my lifelong insomnia!)

My hard to discern point is that while it’s true we Oldies may sometimes look askance at the deadening effect of screens used as childminders, and parents ignoring their kids, it may often be just a moment of nostalgia for our own childhoods, missing happy occasions with our own parents at a time almost lost to memory.
It’s not always just negative judgment, I hope.

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the funny thing is that when we talk about childhood of the past, we also recall children going through the door first thing in the morning, and only coming back at diner time - with no involvement from parents whatsoever.

As always, it has always been a bit of both. A great parent yesterday will be a great parent today, with different tools and different opportunities. A lazy parent will be the same.

redjeans28 · 26/08/2025 13:24

Edenmum2 · 26/08/2025 12:00

insane thing to say. Absolutely none of your business what your daughter does with her own child.

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No it's not insane. Lots of people are not as defensive as posters on here. Lots of people actually listen to the advice their parents give them.

2dogsandabudgie · 26/08/2025 13:23

Havesomecommonsense · 26/08/2025 12:31

Nope it wasn't, it was video after video she was flicking through at the top
Insta stories
There is no excuse . No matter what anyone on here says. A small child and a phone addicted adult. No connection between them

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But if he had given her a book and was reading and interacting with her he'd have been accused of performative parenting and no doubt you'd have started a thread about that. Sometimes parents can't win.

RhaenysRocks · 26/08/2025 13:23

2dogsandabudgie · 26/08/2025 13:18

That's a very odd thing for the father to say to a 3 year old about it being his weekly visit before going back to her mum. A 3 year old wouldn't understand how long a week is surely.

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Of course they can. They'd certainly know that they only see daddy every once in a while, not every day. Do you only talk to toddlers in toddler language? interviews I've read with high achieving people often mention that they had adults in their life who didn't talk down to them. Who expected them to listen, ask questions and learn. If the dad said "weekly visit" the kid can ask "What's a week".."seven days..can you count to seven, let's see". But then I'm 100% certain someone will say that's performance parenting so you really can't win.

DeborahKerr · 26/08/2025 13:22

Mademetoxic · 26/08/2025 12:48

And wouldn't your kids just want to be at home sometimes instead of being dashed about every weekend? Downtime is just as important.

Why do you feel the need to have them being 'busy' all the time?
Why can't they be bored and just spend time at home?

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Define "downtime".
Sports is downtime, being physically active is downtime.

Insisting on having kids "bored" is just lazy parenting. There's more than enough time at home as it is, we've seen how damaging physically and mentally it is to be "bored" and stuck at home during the lockdown. Never again, and we were privileged enough to be allowed outside (on our bloody daily walk) as it is!

They have more than enough time to read their books and watch rubbish on tv, I would fail as a parent to keep them home all day doing nothing. I don't spend my weekends at home doing nothing, never have, why would I impose that on my own children?