I've just seen the most depressing thing

Any PPs making excuses for this dad are part of the problem. Lazy parenting - sorry not sorry.
Making massive issues for their DC in the future, but will never accept responsibility, it’ll always be someone else’s fault and they’ll always expect someone else to try and fix it.

Not once in my childhood have I ever spent a day "sorting clothes" and I hate art and craft 😂.

Watching a film at home? and that requires staying home doing nothing the entire day because? You can't watch a movie after a day out, can you?

Life isn't just fun. Life is boring. Kids need to learn this.
Your life maybe, mine wasn't as a child, and it's not now. Why should I punish my children by giving them a different childhood than mine exactly?

I don't seem to have done too badly so far.

No wonder children do not have good attention spans these days if this is how parents 'parent' Maybe you are very old and totally out of the look with that comment, but we're doing fine. Our kids survive lockdown, which is not something you ever experienced in your own childhood.

It sounds like you had a very bitter and boring life and you resent people who don't. Odd, most parents want to give their kids a BETTER life than their own.

I’m not
defending screens in excess, calm down!

im saying you’ve no right to remove something, offer advice and help, yes.

But what is really shit parenting is being controlling and dictating to your adult children and removing their parenting choices.

You've just went on to describe how a bored child works out how to entertain themself...but you don't understand it?

I do find this focus on being on screens ‘in public’ so interesting and slightly off the mark in my opinion. I used to take my daughter to a music class, then the playground, then the library and fully be engaging with her the whole time. Then on the bus home when she was getting fussy I’d put blippi on my phone sometimes to keep the peace- and also because I was frankly done with the constant chatter by that point!

The idea that it would somehow be better to just stay at home with the tv on for 3-4 hours just because no one else would see us is a bit strange! I don’t personally have an issue with people occasionally using screens for any reason - their own low mental health day, changes or delays to routines/plans etc. Why begrudge anyone making their life slightly easier? I agree that you really can’t tell enough about the wider context from such a tiny snapshot of someone’s parenting.

OP this isn’t all directed at your original comment, just more of a general musing on the subject! ❤️

I think you have just described how kids are/should be bored. There's an odd expectation now that adults do everything around their kids. Drop everything to constantly entertain and educate your child. I always say to my kid that boredom means a big idea is coming. And lo and behold, next time I see them they are making a leaf diary by collecting all the different leaves from the garden. Not even toys needed - just an idea. But sometimes we also need downtime and watching a cartoon in a coffee shop is totally fine. Kids in the 80s watched cartoons for hours. It's just the location that's changed.

I was massively impressed with a little boy aged about 8 a few months back. His mum called round to see me about something and he sat on my sofa and just sat ..quietly, not distracted, fidgeting, bugging his mum, on a device, just sat, for about twenty minutes. Didn't interrupt or whinge. The family are pretty "strict" by modern standards. Good on them.

For all those going on about a snapshot are you really honestly suggesting that EVERY time this comes up on MN it's a one off, rare event after a day of delightful and worthy activity and / or involving SEN? what if we did an AIBU with a hypothetical, general principle that it is not good to habitually be on your phone / ignoring your kids / using devices as pacifiers? Why do I feel like even then it would simply fill up with whataboutery? Anyone who thinks the snapshot argument somehow defeats the general point that this DOES happen, far too frequently is being disingenuous.

And not all parents are as shit as the ones on here defending this utterly awful parenting.

Yep. 100%.

I used to get really bored as a child (1970s) and I would actually sob sometimes but my parents didn’t pander to it. Eventually I would have to find something - drawing, painting, writing, skipping, biking, playing kerby, going to the park, reading, making out shapes in clouds etc. absolutely anything to while away the time. I was fine. I was learning and exploring the world and learning to be self reliant and resilient.

This parental panic that children shouldn’t ever get bored is totally wrong. No wonder they’re all anxious and depressed by the time they’re teenagers.

That’s not controlling at all!

My son has had screens since he was about 18 months. Maybe an hour a day then, working up to more like two or even three hours now he's eight. He's also a prolific reader (reading age 12), and very confident socially with peers and adults. Sceeens are not necessarily a terrible thing if a kid is getting plenty of high quality parental interaction most of the time. Those hours when he was quietly watching Bluey or Peppa saved my sanity, which is a vital thing when you're gathering your energy to deal with small children.

And other people would judge you for being in McDonalds. Which is likely unjustified, because it’s a probable non regular occurrence.

(Personally I don’t think it’s an issue, it’s a snap shot of your life), but the McDonalds threads on here are mad!

So, think before judging….. it may well have been the only time that had happened and for a possibly good reason.

I don’t understand the kids need to be bored thing. Kids need to be able to entertain themselves and they need resources to do it. They need access to toys, books, arts/craft stuff. They need to be exposed to what they can do with these things so when Mondays “I’m busy today, go off and do something yourself”, they might plod around a bit but then they’ll remember they can get some paper and pens out or there’s a toy they haven’t played with for a while.
They just need the opportunity to entertain themselves independently.

It's not a recent thing either.
I still remember the paparazzi photos of a famous influencer being on the phone whilst walking with their pram. Pram hits an uneven bit of pavement and tips over, tiny baby tips out and the person doesn't even get off the phone. Just scoops baby off the pavement and carried on.

I totally disagree. Kids need to realise that life isn't just about fun and activities. To pander towards them is wrong.
Kids need to have days which are bored.
Have you asked if they want to spend days doing art and crafts. Sorting out their clothes/toys? Watching a film at home?

Or they can just relax.

Life isn't just fun. Life is boring. Kids need to learn this.

Kids need to know how to be bored. Constant fun and stimulation is just exhausting. No wonder children do not have good attention spans these days if this is how parents 'parent'

I've seen babies lying in prams with phones on Tiktok. Little baby fingers scrolling.

People want quiet, passive children and screens give that to us.

I nevertheless get the judgemental looks and the tuts, though, every single time. Just illustrating that if you don't know what is actually going on in someone else's life and they are nothing to do with you, generally best to but out...

Well, i'm glad you didn't just see me. We just got in after leaving the house at 9am with my very adhd child. We walked to the playground, chatting, played for over an hour. Then went shopping to buy new school shoes and a water bottle plus few more items like socks. It's a hard job keeping a very hyper, loud kid somewhat civil in a shopping centre! But by 1pm i was exhausted. We went to a cafe and while we waited for the coffee/hot chocolate, we both needed to decompress and be quiet, so dc watched Bluey while I stared into the middle distance, enjoying the quiet.

YANBU. I saw this the other week. McDonald’s.

Dad sat gormlessly chowing through his burger on his phone. Little girl sat opposite fidgeting in front of a screen he’d plonked down and occasionally eating bits of fries etc. He didn’t look at her or talk to her once in the whole 30 mins. Even when they'd finished he just gathered up the trays and she just followed him with no interaction or eye contact whatsoever. I could’ve cried. She looked like she was used to it.

It really is crap. We blame covid and smartphones for the ‘anxious generation’ but I actually think it’s parental distraction and indifference on smartphones themselves. Children need human interaction to understand how to be human and learn empathy, socialisation and develop a creative mind that understands language and meaning.

Society is sleepwalking into a child developmental disaster.

There are enough hours during the day, it's lazy parenting to let your kids be "bored" all day because you can't be bothered to take them outside where they need to spend energy.

Kids need physical activity, and frankly so do we.

They know life can be boring, they go to school and events for a start 😂

Not dramatic at all, you’re aggressive and if you were my parent, (I have GC mind), I’d tell you to mind your own.

However, if you were to offer advice of why you don’t thinks it’s a good idea, I’d possibly listen.

yes, me!

I spend a fortune on my kids phones, they might as well use them. HTH 😂

@theDudesmummyyou don’t need to defend your situation. Your child is not an infant being left to stare at a screen while you do likewise.
Your child is a teen and you both have an understanding of what works for you both.
I think most people are referring to young children who are in their most formative years.

what adult removes a phone out of another adult's hand? that's unhinged 😂