I've just seen the most depressing thing

It's one line , not hard to imagine at all that the OP would over hear it and its irrelevant anyway. Who cares? The point of the discussion is if it's poor parenting to act as he did? Everyone is so busy picking part the op and devising the most unlikely scenarios to justify it and show how "unjudgy" they are..maybe if we had a few more people looking out for neglected kids there'd be fewer of them on the news. And yes I know there's a large difference between ignoring your kid for a screen and harming them in the way we have seen but it's the wider point. Sometimes some judgement is exactly what is needed.

Nope, the only time I've given my child a tablet or my phone is to distract them at the airport, otherwise it would have been hell for other people and very stressful, she was playing games and watching Peppa pig, not scrolling Instagram or tiktok, as i have neither of those apps anyway. I don't need to give her a device when we out and about because she is fully entertained by her surroundings and generally has a very good imagination. It's just the general tedium of the grey, boring airport. Believe me, the over use of devices is really sad and depressing and I was actually trying to make a case for kids that would have full on meltdown etc because of neurodivergency for example. Not all kids are able to keep themselves quiet and amused so I can see why some parents have to resort to it. I'm definitely not defending the caregivers that are actively scrolling or engrossed themselves and ignoring their kids. As I said in my earlier post, what OP witnessed, appeared sad and disheartening, I'm just sticking up for the folk that have a really tough times with behaviour beyond their control. Just to add, the only time my phone is being used when we're in public, is if I'm taking photos, I'm never scrolling or distracted as I'm constantly interacting or monitoring my children.

Not at all. What’s unlikely is that he provided a tv sitcom style narrative/update about it so that the OP was clued up on the background.

Given how many men do only see their kids once a week or less it's not that odd is it? I overhear dads with kids in the shops asking what they like to eat with mummy, what they have "at home". It's not an unlikely scenario is it, that the dad in this scenario only sees his kids once a week?

right?

I agree. If you see parents doing this, chances are they do it most of the time.

lol isn’t it convenient that he happened to mention to his child about it being a weekly visit before returning her mum etc, just enough narrative for you to form a nice clear picture.

OP I'm sorry some pp have given you such a hard time..the obvious points of SEN and snapshot have been covered repeatedly but it seems that now we cannot have any kind of general discussion that goes beyond that, accepting that those things are not always factors. You are absolutely right that ignoring a three year old for an entire cafe visit is piss poor parenting. That's all there is to it really. None of us are perfect, I'm sure we all do less than perfect things as parents, but that's what this forum is for, to discuss and chat. If having an opinion on something is no longer acceptable then this and all others chat forums should close 🙄

Playing devil's advocate here. Maybe he had something urgent message wise on his phone he needed to reply to. However, if the little girl was making choking noises whilst eating that it really irresponsible and neglectful.

again, you can't make comments like that without telling us how old are YOUR children.

What happened to NORMAL behaviour like talking to your child

Are you making a judgey comment because you are confusing your opinion with facts and the reality of being a parent, or are you pretending to be superior because of the way you are raising your own little darling?

what gaslighting?

We get your opinion, but if you can't back it up by dealing with pre-school kids yourself, you lose what little credibility you had 😂

MN and all the other forums would cease to exist. She didn't go up and challenge the guy. She's chatting about it on here. No need to be quite so stroppy.

Op you started this thread this morning and you’re still here 12 hours later arguing the toss about why this man is such a waster and it’s so depressing and he’s so shit and so lazy. But you’re not overly invested? Ok then.

If this is as it looks to an outsider then yes I agree it’s a bit lazy. But you’ve gotten into a real flap about a small snapshot into a strangers life. There’s no need for you to judge. The child wasn’t in danger (clearly wasn’t choking as pp have explained). And while it isn’t something I’d do with my toddler, I wouldn’t waste my life judging others over it or argue about it all day on MN.

You don’t know what’s going on with other people. Unless it’s a dire emergency I generally find it better all round to mind your own business.

But maybe she’s on maternity leave or a stay at home mum and she’s already spent majority of her morning being engaged with her baby? She could have been checking Google maps for a route to a playgroup? Or planning a journey? No one questions the men who can go to work all week and don’t bother checking in when they have free time (ie a FaceTime call during lunch break). If you’re with your baby all day then you’ll have to also do housework/ life admin with them in tow.

Because there’s a lot of examples where people need to find their own fucking business

Not every mother has the mental capacity to be ‘on it’ 24/7 pointing out new vocabulary and entertaining their child every second of the day. Not all mothers are even ok. in the slightest. If they’ve got prams they’ve got young children and may not have slept for years. Patience tested to the max. And that’s not even taking into account the temperament of their child. You’d think there would be a bit more empathy on this site but the level of judgement is mind boggling.

There are lazy parents, I’m not denying that. There are parents that take the easy route and god knows I’ve done that before. But we’re all mothers and when we look at someone doing something we wouldn’t do - just try and remember one of your worst days and something you did to make it less hellish. Letting her child watch peppa pig for 10 mins might be the break she needs to survive the day.

As an aside - i understand it can look alarming but this is not choking - it’s just gagging and a natural part of learning to eat.

as others have pointed out - if she was choking she would have required emergency assistance.

What on earth are you slabbering on about? What's with all the fucking emojis?

the op said he'd referred to this being their once weekly time together - I'm not sure it makes much difference for a child as young as three, an entire visit with no interaction as described is not ok even if its a SP who gets no break (and I am one) but it makes it less reasonable to excuse it as a "snapshot" if he only has limited time with her.

How do you figure that out

The cafe visit could be a weekly thing