DH getting in car with someone who had been drinking

Yes... I know! But if they had been in another vehicle, or walking down the street? Not sure why you're speaking for me in another reply, I was in fact talking about 'what ifs'!

Your husband is a fucking dumbass.

Make sure he gets hefty life insurance.

Were they all stupid drunk? Why not uber? Why drive and risk lives on the road?

He is willing to risk his life and anyone else's on the road with him because he's too stupid to take an Uber or say no to a drunk driving fuck.

But my reply was to the person who wrote

what if your children were killed by his drunk driving friend!

Implying they thought OPs kids were also in the car with the husband. It wasn’t in reply to any of the “what if’s” you’ve written!

I would be annoyed but I'm not sure I would break up my family over it.

I genuinely think if you knowingly get in a car with a drunk driver and they crash then you are complicit and if you are injured that's on you and shouldn't count toward any punishment the driver gets unlike if they hurt an innocent person.

The thing is, the problem started way before he got in the car with someone who had drunk 4 pints

Why were they even having 4 pints after they're round of golf, knowing that one of them was going to be driving them home. Your husband was complicit in the buying and drinking of an excessive amount of alcohol.

Personally, if you know the friend's name I would be tempted to ring the police and ask them to go round and have a word.

This isn't a small thing, surely you see that. It wasn't merely "pushing it" implying only a little bit over the limit, he must have been 2 or 3 times the limit, and as pp have said, could have killed someone.

Is there a list of words that MN will hide? It seems very random.

If they'd been in the bar I suspect your husband wasn't making the greatest of decisions either. Depends on whether his attitude is one of its no big deal or shit did I really do that.

Does this matter? There's plenty of stories of cars crashing into houses and gardens when the driver is under the influence. Its not a massive leap to worry about a drunk driver aiming for your home and losing control outside it. What if it were someone else's children in another car in a collision.

The children weren’t in the car!

If he knew he was over the limit he had a duty of care to stop him driving, regardless of how awkward that conversation would be.

If the guy still got in the car then you call the police and report them.

Drink driving is NEVER acceptable.

Oh yeah, definitely don't get passed it. LTB, definitely divorce him

That will be great for the kids...

I would be very cross with him , yes ..
He should have taken keys off of his friend & called a tax I .
You can only talk to him , make sure he knows it’s a deal breaker if he ever does anything so stupid again ..

I had to have this conversation at the weekend. I had to tell a friend who was driving us home that I no longer wanted a lift if they were to smoke a cbd roll up. Completely legal but smoked for similar effects to being stoned. I felt like a real prick but my safety and those around me are paramount. DP did help by saying I was within my rights to raise it but I think inside he was a bit “here she goes again”.

it’s a difficult conversation but easier than the guilt if something went wrong. I’d have got a taxi.

I’d be cross with him, but prefer to have a proper convo about what SHOULD have happened rather than go off the deep end about it.
They should have sorted a cab/Uber, and agreed to take the friend back to pick up his car the next morning.
Assuming it was a one-off, I’d leave it at that.

I'd have gone through him for a shortcut. He should have taken his friend's keys off him and booked a taxi. It's massively irresponsible and the consequences could have been much wider than just your family impacted. He also needs to be prepared to teach your kids the correct way to handle this type of situation... can he do that if he can't manage it himself? He risked all of your futures in that one stupid moment.

I completely agree that he should not have got in the cr and it was crazy and irresponsible.

But I'm not sure why you're mad at him becuase he didn't specifically think, "if I die I'm leaving two children behind."

I wouldn't get in the car with someone who had been drinking that much, but I wouldn't be thinking, "what happens if I die and my dc are left alone". I'd simply be thinking, "that's incredibly dangerous and I'm not goign to risk myself or be part of risking other people."

I'd also have tried to stop my friend from doing this in the first place.

I ended a relationship with someone who drank and drove. That wasn’t the only reason I finished with him but the fact that he did it made me think about other things he did such as other law breaking and dishonesty.
I think it depends on whether this a one off (in which case as others have suggested you have a serious talk with him) or if there a bigger picture of things he does that concern you.

Your DP and his mates need to have a conversation about who is driving and who is drinking when they make arrangements to meet.

Thanks HenDoNot, that hadn't occurred to me!

I think it was the use of that term for currency, I think posts using that term are automatically hidden until approved.

Getting in as a passenger is not illegal, but there's the possibility of contributory negligence if there's an accident and you were aware of their drinking.

I think it’s unlikely they were buying their drinks separately. Usually people buy rounds in that situation. Even if they were all going to the bar and buying a drink each, your husband knew the driver had drunk more than he should as soon as he had his second pint. He may have even bought it for him so confiscating his keys would have been bizarre. Even saying that once the driver was over the limit he couldn’t drive would have been a bit ridiculous having sat there drinking with him. What a hypocrite to criticise him later.

If DH doesn’t feel he can remind the designated driver not to drink then he should be doing the driving. But I suspect he doesn’t choose to do that because he also wanted 4 pints and then didn’t make his own way home because it would have been inconvenient. He has his own problem with alcohol even if it’s only a lax regard for the law.

I'd love to know why my post was reported.

I think it would be reasonable for your DH to ask his friend for the keys. I think taking them would be unwise, even if physically possible. I think there's a limit to how much you can control the behaviour of another adult, no matter how convinced you are of your stance; obviously the friend's judgement was impaired.

I would say 'You're over the limit and I'm not risking my life getting in a car with a drunk driver, so I'm calling an Uber' and offer to share with the other friend. Less confrontational and gives the driver a chance (which he's unlikely to take, in truth, but you can try) to reflect, join the Uber riders and fetch his car later.