Friendship ended after 20 years

Good Lord - I hope she’s on here and reads this. She should be ashamed.
The last sentence of Possums post above sums up my view exactly and your friends sense of entitlement beggars belief when your son is so poorly.
I really hope his treatment is going to plan and that you and the family are bearing up ok.
In your shoes I’d not give this friendship any more headspace.
I’m genuinely surprised that there are some on here that think your chosen ways of keeping those who might want to know how treatment is progressing informed are unreasonable.

You are a better person than me. Hell would freeze before I would have responded.

“so just so i know, is that it with our friendship then?”

She was clearly expecting you to grovel after her initial message. She thought she is so important to you that even the thought that you might lose her friendship would be devastating- she clearly lacks any empathy for your situation. Friends should be there when you really need them, in whatever way you need them… she’s shown who she is.

This has to be the most insensitive thing I have read on MN for a while. I wouldn’t even block this woman, just completely ignore her. This is completely inappropriate and narcissistic behaviour.
When your child is this unwell or you are bereaved then you talk to who YOU need to talk to. Anyone putting you under pressure like this is just AWFUL in the most AWFUL way.
My first child passed away suddenly at the age of 14 months. Everyone was so supportive. If I needed to talk to them they were there. If I didn’t they kept a respectful distance but I knew they were there. Certain people were better at helping me through this awful time than others because they had some experience and could really help me come to terms with what had happened.
No one should be sending you messages like this at this time, and if your Mum asks why you aren’t friends with this woman anymore show her the messages you received. She would be appalled as well.
I send you much love, peace and understanding as I can. Seek out those who are truly there for you and move on from this ‘friendship’.
❤️

A friend wouldn’t try to hurt you further while you’re hurting. Do not let her back in to your life. This is a deep betrayal that no apology can make up for.

Your son has cancer and she’s annoyed because you aren’t updating her personally?

She sounds like a narcissist and you are much better off without her.x

Wow. Well she’s done you a massive favour by taking the trash out herself that’s for sure. What kind of friend is she?

So to summarise, your toddler has cancer and she’s complaining that you’re not paying her enough attention. Does she have many other friends? I only ask because I had (note the past tense) who was like this, though I never had such an extreme example of her behaviour. Ultimately you’re dealing with a family crisis and she’s making things worse. Good friends don’t do that. I’m willing to bet this isn’t the only time she’s behaved like this.

This, with bells on.

Hideous, main character behaviour. You are well rid, she is no friend.

Wishing you and your little one well, OP 💐

She's an utter CUNT.

She’s awful. This is not what you need right now - awful to think that she cannot grasp that.

I’d tell your mum you do not want to hear anything more about her, in case her DM contacts your DM about this.

Sending very best wishes to you and your little boy.

I've nothing to offer but to say that the trash took itself out. I'm sorry OP, her messages were horrendous. They're all me, me, me, me, me.

She's absolutely awful. Block her on every social media site you post about your wee boy. I hope all goes well and sorry for what your family are going through. All the best ❤️❤️

That reads like she is self-centred with zero empathy, I'd guess she wanted to be the one to know everything first to be sharing the updates and letting people know how much she is supporting you. I don't often call people this but she does sound narcissistic.
I'm so sorry for what you are going through. Wishing all the best for your little one. Try not to give that woman another thought.

It is unbelievable isn’t it? How could what you’re going through possibly be all about her? I’ve seen this kind of thing a few times and it seems more common than it should be.

A friend of mine’s DH died a few years ago and a group of us fellow parents tried to offer support in whatever way we could. However one of the mothers sort of ring-fenced the bereaved friend and seemed to be responding to her own need to be the most compassionate and also the one “in the know” telling everyone what was an appropriate response from them. The outcome was isolating for the bereaved friend who also found herself “managing” the neediness of the self-appointed “most supportive” person. When my friend pushed back and said she needed space the woman turned on her and began to share different information about her “not coping” and implying negative things about my bereaved friend’s character. It was bizarre but it’s not uncommon to be in receipt of some really self-centred and plain weird responses during challenging times sadly.

I expect your friend will find that if she expresses any dissatisfaction with your communication more widely she will get short shrift from people as it is perfectly obvious where your priorities should and do lie. She obviously knows in theory how she should be responding but she can’t quite put herself second. I think she might regret sending that message.

@Okfigwishing you and your DS the absolute best 💐

When my nephew had cancer I got relayed messages through my parents. I didn’t expect my brother to message me directly, I knew updating individuals was too much for him when they were in the thick of chemo. And I also knew it wasn’t about me regardless of how worried I was about them all

God almighty, how self-obsessed can someone be? It beggars belief!

I’m so sorry your son is ill OP 🌸🌺 I hope he recovers well and wish you all the very best.

But fuck that. This so called ‘friendship’ would be over for me. All this stress and aggravation is the last thing you need. I wouldn’t give her another moment of my precious time or mental energy. Breathe and feel the weight lifted off your shoulders.

I'm so so sorry about your little boy. Sending strength, positivity and love to both of you.

Block this negativity out - don't give it another thought. This person is not your friend, I can't believe anyone would be so self-absorbed.
All the best 💓

She thinks she is the main character in your life story. People like this lack empathy and understanding of others' vewpoints. Just ignore her for now - you've explained yourself clearly and she won't or can't see your side.

I'm sorry your son is ill - I hope the treatment works out well for him.

So sorry for what you're dealing with in terms of your son. As to your "friend", she is entirely unreasonable.
Have a look at the Ring Theory
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ring_theory_(psychology)#/media/File:Ring_theory.svg
Perhaps even send it to her!
Wishing you, your son and family all the best

She is an unmitigated cunt and you are well rid of her, especially at such a difficult time. I wish you and your son all the best x

Honestly cannot believe people like this exist in real life. I'm so sorry xx

Omg what kind of person would do this?! Completely speechless!

Wishing your son the very very best x