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Original poster

Friendship ended after 20 years

186 replies

Okfig · 25/08/2025 16:14

My 2 year old son has cancer and I received this..

Things you need to know to add context: My son was diagnosed with cancer July 2025, She has previously had a moan at me in regard to this situation however. Her mom and my mom are besties.

Messages went as follows..
Her: Hi, i feel like i've been updated about ‘your son’ through social media rather than you which we have spoke about but clearly it's easier for you to update everyone including your close friends that way rather than a message. i haven't wanted to pester you with loads of messages through this process even though i feel at the start i did send a lot but thought eventually thought id let you come to me as you're going through a lot rather than me bomb boarding you with messages. I will always be there for ‘your son’ so if he needs anything please do message me but i feel like our friendship has almost come to an end which is a shame but as much as you are going through a lot i just feel like we are on different paths so it is best to have this message so we kind of know we are on the same page. i will keep updated about ‘your son’ through mom so don't feel like you need to message me but yeah if he needs anything let me know. i just feel like this message was needed with all the sudden publicity about ‘your son’ and obvs i haven't responded to anything. we sent you money and presents as soon as we heard about ‘your son’ so hopefully you know that we do care but i just feel we would go around things differently hence the personal presents/gifts. You probs won't but like i said, if ‘your son’ needs anything please message. If you feel differently then please reach out but if not i won't feel offended to no response.
Me: Hey, it’s easier than a million different messages to people, so much happens day to day. It’s nothing personal, it just gets draining. I appreciate you haven’t wanted to message loads, I get that completely. I agree it’s a shame and it was never my intention to loose you as a friend. I know, and the gifts and money were really appreciated by us all. thank you for the love towards ‘my son,’ I’ll let you know if he needs anything.
Her: i just struggle to understand about messaging me when i was supposedly your "best friend" who you can't message but have time to post on facebook and insta and now creating tiktoks too it's just a kick in the teeth no matter how much you say it's not personal, surely you can understand that? so just so i know, is that it with our friendship then?
Me: It’s not like I want it to be but I just don’t think I can be the friend you want me to be right now tbh. Im talking to no one daily but my mom, dad and ‘my partner’. My mom is literally keeping everyone updated for me outside of that. Im posting on socials so people can see him and update from me. I’m doing what I can to cope, the TikTok’s made me feel better. Seeing him how he used to be.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
MzHz · 10/09/2025 10:15

I’m glad you found your anger @Okfig

this person’s not your friend and not a friend of the family. Make sure you tell your mum what’s gone on. It’s important that others know what this person has said.

Glindaa · 07/09/2025 20:38

Okfig · 07/09/2025 18:29

Thank you for asking, my son is showing all positive signs. He’s had a feeding tube fitted and since then things have been nothing but positive. We’ve stayed out of hospital for two weeks straight and all his blood work is normal. Long may it continue ❤️

the above friend hasn’t reached out and I haven’t either. After a few days I just got quite angry instead of upset and now I just don’t feel anything towards her. She’s not a friend I’d welcome back into my life going forward x

This is good news. ❤️
Dont let that negative emotional vampire so called friend back into your life again. You and your son need positive energy x

SpidersAreShitheads · 07/09/2025 19:37

Great to hear that things are going well with your DS, OP. Long may it continue!

Don't waste any more of your energy on the ex-friend. All credit to you for recognising that she's not worth your time.

Sending lots of healing love and hope for your son's continued recovery.

Strawberrys4 · 07/09/2025 19:20

I actually had something similar but not on the level of what you have been through, I had really severe PND and then my daughter started showing lots of signs of autism and I felt really distressed by it. A friend who I had really supported through the various dramas in her life -practically full time at one point, literally cut me of, and I feel it’s because I wasn’t as available to her and her dramas as well as she just didn’t want to know about my own issues. Anyway I hope your little man is ok and you handled this situation with such grace and bravery. Wishing you and your family a very happy life x

lostmywayrightnow · 07/09/2025 19:01

That's good news op (re your son), wishing you, your son and your family well. Your 'friend' is indeed not a friend.

Absentosaur · 07/09/2025 19:01

Sorry about your son. X

Sounds like she has what people call today Main Character Syndrome. So that’s her pov. It’s all about her and how what you do or don’t do affects her. Simple as that. Def time to say byee

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 07/09/2025 18:56

I think her behaviour is horrific. She wants you to make her feel important when the important thing is your boy. Narcissist.

Didnotseethiscoming25 · 07/09/2025 18:49

I feel like this situation is exactly what the phrase 'go fuck yourself' was made for

She is no friend and you handled that so well I truly wish that your son recovers and I'm sending you strength x

Oscarsmom71 · 07/09/2025 18:46

You are better off without her.
She sounds horrid.
Hope your son is ok.

Original poster
Okfig · 07/09/2025 18:31

CoraPirbright · 07/09/2025 14:35

How are things OP?

I responded but forgot to quote you! Sorry

OP posts:
Original poster
Okfig · 07/09/2025 18:29

Thank you for asking, my son is showing all positive signs. He’s had a feeding tube fitted and since then things have been nothing but positive. We’ve stayed out of hospital for two weeks straight and all his blood work is normal. Long may it continue ❤️

the above friend hasn’t reached out and I haven’t either. After a few days I just got quite angry instead of upset and now I just don’t feel anything towards her. She’s not a friend I’d welcome back into my life going forward x

OP posts:
boberto88 · 07/09/2025 18:29

I really fuckin hate people sometimes.
sending love to you op xx

CoraPirbright · 07/09/2025 14:35

How are things OP?

Poodlelove · 28/08/2025 17:36

What a dreadful woman , not a friend.

I am so sorry to hear about your son and it must be a very traumatic time , yet she felt the need to add some drama.
Don't reply to her anymore.
Does she have children?
Wishing you and your son / family well.

AgingLikeGazpacho · 26/08/2025 14:11

OP not only are you not unreasonable but you're far too lovely. I'd have told her to get to fuck in my first reply to her.

Wishing your DC the swiftest of recoveries, I can't imagine what you're going through. Take all the time you need to adjust and pay no attention to those who have nothing to offer you in this time of need.

Saladbar · 26/08/2025 13:35

Orcaslament333 · 26/08/2025 09:45

Those criticising op for using sm:

Most SM does have privacy settings. You can limit who sees messages to a small group of close family and friends. That’s what it is for. So it’s not right to assume that op is broadcasting publicly about her son.

I understand the confidentiality concerns as her son can’t consent and personally I don’t think I would post on sm in these circumstances. But everyone is different.

This situation is incredibly isolating and op says that it is helping her to post on TikTok. And if it is helping her, then it’s no one elses’s business really what they think of it, because she is the one going through the mill right now. And whatever helps her get through atm, also helps her child.

Also, there is a huge difference between posting when your ds is a toddler and not a aware of sm and say a teenager who is on line every day,

Finally, I know a really large family spread across UK, Ireland and USA, whose dd had cancer as a toddler, and now she is a pre-teen, it’s really helpful for her to look back on all the photos and sm comments posted at that time by friends and family. Not only has it helped her understand what happened to her, it’s helped her to know that so many family members and friends loved her and were rooting for her. So, used carefully, it’s not all bad by any means.

Edited

I went through similar as a child and am extremely glad SM was not around and when I went through it again as a teen VERY glad my mother was not posting me in my most vulnerable state. It was my journey and experience. I now have a child who has frequent hospitalizations and again don’t post him when he’s in hospital. A brief update may be all OP is doing which is fine but some parents on SM post their children’s photos and videos whilst they are in the hospital, sharing their personal information and I don’t think anyone raising this may be a concern is wrong. Most people using tik tok use it on public to connect with strangers online. We don’t know if OP is doing this and her friend is vile regardless but social media is often sharing with strangers, people you don’t know well or haven’t spoken to in years as well as friends and family.
Maybe OP is only posting updates to very close friends and family. Once you stop using social media the weirdness of it becomes more apparent. Someone my mum went to primary school didn’t need to know when I was having treatment and surgery.

PebbleBeach1234 · 26/08/2025 11:56

Op I'm so, so sorry about your child's diagnosis. Must be so hard.

I think your friend feels like she would have wanted to be there for you much more than she has been, so maybe there's some guilt there, reading between the lines, and she wanted to explain to you that your lack of communication is a reason why she hasn't been super involved with supporting you and your son. I don't think she worded it very well though as she made it all about her and not you. Your first message back to her was a really good response though.

I'd try to leave it there and not give her any more headspace with everything else you have going on.x

Mothership4two · 26/08/2025 11:55

That would be a friendship ending communication for me.

Best wishes for your son

LovePoppy · 26/08/2025 11:52

My brother has had a medical crisis this year.

we updated people in group messages- we don’t use Facebook much but basically a similar idea.

I muted every single friend on my phone and only responded when I felt like it. My family incl my brothers wife did the same.

not once has anyone given us shit for not updating them in the timeline or way they preferred. Instead acquaintances brought us food.

your ex friend is ridiculous

CC222 · 26/08/2025 11:37

Your friend is absolutely ridiculous for making this about her!
You’re going through one of the scariest times of your life, you do not need to prioritise anyone over your family. Her needs in this are not important and she’s a shit friend to let you down like this just because she’s not getting the updates before you post on social media. Updating everyone in one go makes so much more sense if that’s how you want to do it, it would be draining to say the same thing over and over to individual people, her included. The fact she has made this about her shows she really does not understand or empathise with what your family are going through right now. What she has done is hurtful…
Let her go. And focus on your son.
Hope and pray he is on the mend soon…

AugustSlippedAwayIntoAMomentInTime · 26/08/2025 11:21

She's a selfish cunt.

And I almost never, ever use that word.

I hope your son's treatment is successful x

Strawberrys4 · 26/08/2025 11:17

Absolutely disgusting behaviour. You are going through hell, panic and worry and fear, the last thing you need is some idiot making demands on you because they feel ‘let down’. How dare she make this about her. I’m so sorry for you and really wishing your baby a very swift recovery. Don’t engage with her again honestly she is a disgrace.

AliceMaforethought · 26/08/2025 11:02

I'm so sorry. What a selfish and moronic woman. I can imagine my godmother behaving exactly like this, which is why she and my mother haven't spoken for years. How dare she make your son's illness all about her!?

AlohaRose · 26/08/2025 11:02

Gosh, she’s really shown her true colours hasn’t she? So your son was diagnosed with cancer a maximum of eight weeks ago, possibly less, and because during that time you haven’t managed to message her individually, she is prepared to end a 20 year friendship?! Unbelievable. Did you realise how self-centred she was before this?

YourBrickTiger · 26/08/2025 10:55

WhereYouLeftIt · 25/08/2025 16:26

Wow. Me, me, me, me, me. (Her.)

"Her mom and my mom are besties."
So was this the reason you were friends, do you think? Had your mothers not been besties, would you have liked each other; or was it the constant contact via your mothers that forged the friendship?

It's not unusual for a crisis to shake out the people who are not real friends. She does sound as if she expects you to dance attendance regardless of what is going on in your life. Was she always like this, do you think? Did you let it slide before?

You're so right about this - crisis and it can be so so hurtful. A girl I thought was my bestie hasn't visited me in the 5 years since my Mum passed - I always go to her and am silently 'expected' to be positive at all times despite grief and an abusive relationship. There are things I just know are 'off limits' for her to discuss and it's hurtful as she still has a full family, parents grandparents etc. I don't have any of that. I had an attempt on my life, and she (no one) visited me in hospital when I told them, one of my oldest friends even saying 'that is your choice there is nothing I can do about that'.

I wonder has anyone ever heard the expression 'busy season of life'. That's what she said to me when I tried to arrange a catch up with her. It's really hurtful when an old friend does this. I've been there throughout her kids births, growing up, etc and have always been there for support. There is very little given back. So I know how you feel it's very difficult. I'm growing to learn there should be deciding factor with friends - and for me it's now being ok with feeling I have been let down through NO ONE visiting during grief. It's NOT ok. It's not ok to not acknowledge an anniversary or just ignore you when you're quiet, but to find fault and pick pick pick at stupid things.

Let her go because it sounds like this is what she is doing to you.