To be fascinated by tidy people

I'm the same - due to ADHD/time blindness I budget extra time and plan my journeys and appointments very carefully. I have been known to get places over an hour early just to make sure I get there on time.

It works most of the time but isn't totally foolproof. Recently I got to an appointment an hour early and told the receptionist 'I know I'm early' - she replied that I was indeed VERY early, as the appointment was the following day. And I just rechecked DCs' school schedules and found out I had mixed up all the start dates...it's really impossible to understand how it happens...

You may have to force yourself to go against your instincts. I had a (still ongoing really) clear out and just ended up taking stuff to the tip/recycling centre because it was that or lose momentum trying to process it all.

Ha I understand that. If it’s an unfamiliar place and I need to factor in finding a parking space (a massive stress of mine). I’ll just get there really early and wander round shops or have a coffee. I don’t actually tell people that I’ve been there really early though as that may make them feel bad and it’s completely my issue.

This is you taking the easy option though. Instead, teach your kids manners, to wait for what they want until you've finished the thing you're in the middle of. It won't kill them to wait 5min for a glass of water or their teddy. Obviously the times they've had an accident or fighting are different, but you don't have to give over all your time to your kids.
Don't want to sound mean because this is so so common, like maybe over 50% of mums of young DC and I can see it's easier in the moment, but I'll bet you're one of those people it's almost impossible to have a conversation with when DC are around, because you'll allow them to interrupt you/the other person literally every 30sec and instantly focus on them instead of teaching them manners and telling them to wait just a moment while you finish your sentence.

This is interesting. I have a friend who is always busy, barely has time to fit me in for a coffee, is always dashing off to the next thing. She makes me feel very laid back and that would be a joke to those that k ow me well. Recently she set aside some. Time to meet for a walk. We arranged to meet at 10am cos she had to be
away by 12 for more whatever. I arrived at 10.05 due to roadworks I wasn’t aware of. She told me she’d been there since 9.30!! She confessed she always does this. In fact , if she’s meeting someone in a place she hasn’t been before, she does a trial run in her own time and will still plan to arrive half an hour early just in case . 🤯

Oh I understand.
I worry about DD's future.
I set her clock 10 minutes earlier, try encouraging her to ditch 5 things before she sits, set clothes out the night before, even then she needs reminding.
She went back to school yesterday, I raided her room, if I didn't love her, I'd explode.
Cutting her hair hiding it in her drawer, alongside food, paint, glitter, papers. 😅
5 bags.
i said nothing when she came home but she was happy with a clean space.
I'll help her as long as I can, biting my tongue.

I am also in awe of those that after a full days work come home and hoover and dust then cook and clean then ferry children about. When I get home from work I’m utterly exhausted. This is also part of the problem.

Anyway sorry to derail the thread but there’s a lot of ‘just tidy as you go, simple’ and it’s not that simple for lots of people.

Yes! I understand. I have been known to step over many things on the floor (mainly socks). It’s so hard to explain.

I struggle to even put the lid back on toothpaste or anything. But could hold down a very challenging job. Ridiculous!!

Medication very much helps.

I think there are people who have low standards and they are not the ones with ADHD. People with ADHD actually need structure,
routine and a clean environment. But they very much struggle with that.

I agree they need systems to help. Just like they’ve developed systems in other areas of their lives. For example
I am never late (I have ADHD) because it stresses me out so much. But I can never be on time due to the time blindness issue. I am just always very, very early! It drives my kids mad. I am amazed by people who can judge time and arrive on time.

Thanks for all the tips on this thread. I am decluttering (in short bursts) and will have stern words with the rest of my family about putting things away. Because once one person has left their shoes, bag etc out then everyone else just adds to it and it becomes overwhelming. I spend about an hour tidying and cleaning every day. More than lots yet I can’t get on top of it and it gets messy again.

In answer to the post above yes my family just chuck stuff everywhere.

My main point is that it’s very hard for some people. Others find it very easy and don’t seem to understand.

@tangerinemagic my tips are to declutter often and everything has to have a home.

Post gets dealt with straightaway, anything that needs attention gets pinned on our cork board.

Porch is always kept clutter free, coats are hung up and shoes left neatly by the door. It’s probably one of the areas I have to clean on a daily basis.

Clothes are folded away after they have been washed and put away in the ironing basket which lives in a cupboard.

Im one of those people who can’t function if I don’t have a tidy home, I’ve always been this way.

I get so stressed if I can’t find anything, I hate the time and energy wasted looking for things.

I’m currently sorting my loft and getting rid of anything we haven’t used in 5 years. Xx

Yes, I agree. People really don't realise how much it affects people and how they can't follow tips designed for NT people. It's almost as if NT people apply their own experience to those with ADHD, of writing lists or doing chores, not realising it's not the same.

Without medication, I can't do any little thing at all. I can't pick a spoon up off the floor. I will step over it multiple times, each time feeling worsening anxiety about it, but unable to actually do anything about it - and it's the same for the next 500 tasks that come up throughout the day, one on top of the other, each as overwhelming as the last. I can't drive, couldn't stay in a job or maintain relationships while unmedicated. I spent most of my life hating myself for being lazy and trying so hard to just be like everyone else, and just could not do it. It's not a case of laziness or not caring, it feels like your brain and body are not connected to each other and you cannot force yourself to do what you want or need to do.

Thankfully the medication can really help people and allow them to be productive and function normally.

Interesting point re ADHD and other ND conditions. My DH is ND, diagnosed as an adult years ago. When we were in our 'not tidy' era he used to get annoyed at the mess, and try to sort it but always ended up making more mess, by deciding to make a shoe tidy/ coat rack/recycling box. Rather than actually hoovering. Now we have a proper place for everything, not much stuff, and systems in place he has no trouble at all in following them. He is also doing so much better mentally, and productivity wise. It has been life changing for him. It was 100% me that sorted it but he is very grateful and maintains it all with no trouble at all. We are both much happier, calmer, and have so much more time! Admitedly, there is an argument that I took a lots of my systems from my MIL, so maybe it was easy for him to fall in with them as an adult. But, it does show what can happen with the right support.

I agree, though there is people who just cannot be bothered, who have very low standards, unfortunately a lot of people label themselves as ADHD as an excuse, it minimising the real suffering.
Bad diets impact motivation too.
My cousin is a capable confident nurse, she refuses to tidy past the basics.
Her home is filthy.
If you have DC and adhd you need to do your best to try organising your home. Tap into anything that will help.

Tbh I don't tidy. But what I do do is clean. There is no need to tidy because I put things away when I am finished with them... are people really just using something and then jsut flinging it anywhere?? 😵‍💫

the only exception to that is probably the kitchen. That will need a tidy if a large multi-pot/dish meal has just happened.

ETA - my first house was an absolute shoebox small place; which is where I had no choice but to keep it tidy otherwise I would not have been able to move.

I think lots of people don’t realise the impact ADHD has on tidiness levels. They think ‘just try harder, pick up after yourself, put the cup away - it’s easy’. But it’s not and it’s not laziness either.

I would just be careful with that kind of thing bought from Temu, amazon or direct from Tiktok/Instagram ads - some of them have little to no safety standards followed when making them and are a shock/fire hazard. This channel is a bit sweary but he takes them apart and shows where the problems are:

.........they will just tidy little and often rather than waiting until things are a mess and take ages to sort.

Can I just reiterate that I never tidy anything up. Never.

I don't need to, because I always put everything away. There is no mess.
Everything in my house has a place, and it stays there.

I also don't keep piles of things that have no use. If I don't need something anymore, it gets donated or recycled or just thrown away.

A combination of ADHD medication and moving to a bigger house has honestly changed my life...before I would need at least two days to get ready to have people over...now I am one of those mythical people who can invite people in at random. It is so much better! I do spend a lot of time cleaning and tidying but it is just part of my routine. Instead of sitting down with a cup of coffee in the morning I'm up getting everything sorted, and then we get on with our day as normal.

Thanks! This is a good idea and would appease us both.

Sorry by charger I mean charging station. Like this one

https://share.temu.com/5cOhiC4TRfB

This has been a game changer for me a cute bamboo trolley. It's narrow so fits between the sofa and an armchair. Top shelf I use for cup and plate Etc. middle shelf my phone, tablet, kindle charger etc. bottom shelf my heated pad and a wicker basket for glasses, hand cream etc.

I can wheel it in and out at will.. could hang my two sticks on it I guess.

Think about it.

Sorry no, blame my terrible brain. I keep all my meds and supplements in plastic storage boxes on the sofa. My crutches and sticks I leave lying about to trip people up with 😆😆

You put the sticks in a plastic storage box @FurForksSake ?

Before my daughter was born I was never late for anything! Actually I was more likely to be 10 minutes early and walk around the block. Now we're usually exactly on time - except when I have to deal with a huge poo just as we were about to leave 🙈. Bring punctual doesn't make me any less untidy though. I just loathe most household tasks. Obviously I have to do them but it will never be automatic/second nature the way leaving on time is.

I’ve noticed that people approach tidiness differently, some care deeply about it, others not so much. My house has never sparkled; it’s old, the furniture is simple, and I raised three kids in it. But it was always tidy.

I’ve loved cleaning since I was a child. It gives me real satisfaction, and I simply can’t function in a mess. That said, I don’t believe keeping a tidy home means working constantly. It’s about having a place for things and putting them away when you're done. I usually clean once a week, Fridays are my go-to. It’s not deep cleaning: I vacuum, dust, clean bathrooms, do laundry, and water the plants. Certain things I do once or twice a year only, or as needed. The rest of the time, I just spot clean. I’ve always worked full-time, raised three kids, cooked, baked, and made time for friends. I didn’t neglect my family to keep things clean. As others have said, a tidy home isn’t about endless cleaning, it’s a way of living.