Page 7 | To be fascinated by tidy people

tangerinemagic · 2025-08-25T13:14:46+00:00

I’m just not tidy. Nor is my husband. We try. Actually very hard. We have two young children and a dog but there is literally stuff everywhere, all of the time. I live in London, so we naturally have many parent friends right on our doorstep and there is a ‘drop in’ culture where we might wrap up a playground or common trip and head to each others houses. Ours is not fit for that kind of spontaneity but others fling open their doors at any time and it’s like no one even lives there. when conversations come up about chores, cleaning, tidiness, I recoil. They really are extremely tidy people and with young kids. You can’t mistake walking into a tidy persons house, it just feels, different. The floors and sofa/furniture in our house just don’t look like theirs, even if you have a whip round and tidy you can tell. So, tidy people, tell me, how do you do it. What are the tips. Was this nurture growing up in a tidy household? Or something you learned? AIBU to be ashamed my pram, car, house is always in need of a clean.

Someone2025 · 28/08/2025 23:07

tangerinemagic · 28/08/2025 22:28

So glad I’m not alone. Thanks for sharing in a sea of tidy people.

Show quote history

I think an awful lot of people are not naturally tidy but they make an effort to ensure their environment is tidy as it improves their mental health and stress levels….I know from myself my mind is calmer, I’m more positive and even feel more energetic and motivated when my environment is tidy and organised

fiorentina · 28/08/2025 23:01

I personally cannot sit down and relax until the house is tidy and clean. I tidy up as we go along, whether that’s cooking and loading the dishwasher or emptying clothes drier and immediately sorting and putting away. I’m ruthless with taking stuff to the charity shop/tip regularly and avoid clutter.

I am organised in my storage and with the kids rooms so that they can find things easily and be organised themselves now they are older. My car is also usually tidy despite driving around teenagers, it’s just easier to empty out rubbish and feels nicer to drive - I know I sound mad here!!

SummerDaysAreTheBest · 28/08/2025 22:50

I want to know too!

Badbadbunny · 28/08/2025 22:43

I have a tidy house and car and keep it that way by “little and often” and just cleaning and tidying as I go rather than leaving it and needing to spend special time doing it. It takes barely any time to take rubbish out of the car every journey or clear away cups and plates after a meal or snack etc. If you have a place for evetything and everything in its place it takes a lot less wasted time trying to find things etc.

Original poster

tangerinemagic · 28/08/2025 22:42

BertieBotts · 25/08/2025 21:47

It doesn't stay in your system very long, so if you don't like the side effects it's no big deal to come off them again, plus there are a couple of different kinds they can try, and they only start you on a tiny dose anyway. Personally I find the side effects very mild for the amount that they help. Headaches when I was changing a dose, which went away when I was used to it, lack of appetite which I've never had anyway, but I now have the willpower/organisation to persuade myself to eat a proper lunch rather than exist on coffee and biscuits for days. One type did give me increased anxiety but the other type doesn't, it actually helps me stay a bit more in control of my emotions rather than them running away with me all the time. It was a bit of a process finding the right medication and the right dose but 100% worth it IMO. The one consistent benefit I had on all of them was that I am no longer exhausted all the time. I still get tired and overwhelmed on busy days, but it's not all day every day.

TBH it takes a long time to get through the waiting lists in the UK at the moment, so no harm in finding out about it. Diagnosis definitely changed my life though, even though I didn't start medication until later on. Having someone confirm no, you're not broken or imagining things, the things you're struggling with are for a reason was huge. Then I did a massive amount of reading/watching videos about it (lots of good stuff on Russell Barkley's channel although it is a bit dry, or How To ADHD is a bit more watchable and good quality). I found out I can focus on podcasts IF I have something to focus my hands and eyes on, so it's a good thing to combine with cleaning, but not decluttering/tidying/anything which requires decision making, and I couldn't have listened to podcasts around the DC when they were 0 and 3, but I do listen any time I walk anywhere without them.

The thing that helped me turn things around was the picking one thing to improve at a time, rather than constantly trying half heartedly to "try harder" or "do better" but never making any progress because I was always exhausted, there were too many things to solve at once and my efforts weren't coordinated in any meaningful way. I did this before starting medication and it helped even then, but was more effective to make changes after medication.

Show quote history

Incredibly insightful, thank you. Maybe I will get diagnosed and try medication as I do feel quite down about myself at the moment. I have private healthcare so will explore than option or just pay to go privately as it’s quite a priority for me after reading this.

OP posts:

deckchairmayhem · 28/08/2025 22:34

Why not just get a life 🤣🤣🤣

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 28/08/2025 22:33

NamechangeNightNurse · 28/08/2025 21:27

Not sure when this was but it was minimum 6 months when mine were babies.

Show quote history

Yes, I'm quite old now.
🤣

Namechangelikeits1999 · 28/08/2025 22:32

tangerinemagic · 25/08/2025 21:28

The online tests I’ve done all say very high certainty. I can’t read books or watch films, my mind just wanders off. I can’t read books only sit still if on my phone or watching a documentary I am gripped by. Can’t concentrate in meetings at work, no matter how hard I try. I do wonder whether I should get diagnosed and medicate… that petrifies me as every drug has a side effect or two.

Show quote history

If you do have ADHD, no amount of handy tips and hearing how others do it will help. I've heard good things about a slob comes clean, you could also use the pomodoro technique.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 28/08/2025 22:31

tangerinemagic · 28/08/2025 22:28

So glad I’m not alone. Thanks for sharing in a sea of tidy people.

Show quote history

Original poster

tangerinemagic · 28/08/2025 22:28

queenmeadhbh · 25/08/2025 21:18

OP I am I think like you in that I feel quite tired and lazy and will just always choose sitting on my arse to catch my breath over tidying or cleaning BUT I have managed to make some headway by doing the following:

-ruthless throwing out. I used to just hang on to things as I thought it was a waste to get rid but now I bring an awful lot to clothes bank and recycling centre. And if they are going there, they go into bags in the boot of the car and we do a run every weekend or so to get rid of it.

-really forcing myself to use little ten min slots during day when kids are occupied to wipe or dust or tidy a little thing (like sorting one of the bags you mention, or maybe tidying away crap that has accumulated on the mantelpiece). I tell myself that every 5 mins work when they’re awake is 5 mins of arse sitting when they’re asleep!

-trying not to let the general tidying build up too much by putting things away as I go - I try to do “don’t put it down put it away” but like you am fighting my instinct to just dump everything somewhere and deal with it later. But I try to make present me work harder for future me rather than the opposite.

I have accepted though I am just a bit lazier and lower energy than a lot of very tidy clean organised people. I once saw a TikTok day in the life of a woman I work with and was really blown away at how much housework she did in the evenings while I had already collapsed with exhaustion on the sofa surrounded by chaos. So I’ll never be that but I do try to emulate where I can and it generally raises the overall standards!

So glad I’m not alone. Thanks for sharing in a sea of tidy people.

OP posts:

Mumptynumpty · 28/08/2025 22:04

I think there is a difference between being clean and being tidy. With kids one is important and the other difficult.

I clean and tidy the kitchen whilst the kettle is boiling. Including using a stick hoover and spray mop. The dogs are in the kitchen so this is "important".

I tidy the living room while watching TV. When the children were little we used to do a "quick whizz" during the adverts - one made tea, one put clean dishes away, one put washing on etc, then the next advert something else or chip away at a job. It was fun.

I make my bed everyday as this instantly makes the start of the day successful and I like coming back into a room with a made bed.

You may feel the need to rest a lot because you are overwhelmed. There is a book called How to Keep House While Drowning, which is a nice book.

RampantIvy · 28/08/2025 21:40

I never understood people who said they couldn't use the toilet without DC in the room either. That's literally what playpens were invented for, surely? To keep DC safe whilst you went off to do something for a few minutes.

Yes. I used to have DD in the playpen.

Covidwoes · 28/08/2025 21:33

I have two DC and am very tidy. Constant mess makes me feel anxious! I don’t sit down as much as I’d like, but I don’t like sitting down surrounded by mess and clutter!

NamechangeNightNurse · 28/08/2025 21:27

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 28/08/2025 20:59

Mine were also breastfed, for years.
They still slept better in their own rooms, though.

We did keep them in with us for three months.

Show quote history

Not sure when this was but it was minimum 6 months when mine were babies.

Peoplemakemesigh · 28/08/2025 21:20

NamechangeNightNurse · 28/08/2025 20:58

Mine were BF so kept them as near as possible for convenience .
I really do think it mirrors the dynamic between partners.
If the DH interrupts and demands and it's tolerated then DC do also.

Show quote history

Then one day, a few years later, the mother looks up...realises nobody has wished her happy birthday, because her last few remaining friends all faded out of her life months ago and she didn't even notice. Says to anyone who'll listen she's feeling down because she lost all her friends when she had a child... Completely oblivious to the fact it's because she's never, ever, without the DC in tow and nobody could have even a 5min conversation with her. Not without at least 20 interruptions, with her flipping straight into mummy and me mode each time - as if you had ceased to exist the second DC opened their mouth.
Sad really. All for the want of:
"Just a moment, I'm talking with X",
"I'll do that in a minute when X and I have finished talking",
"Stop interrupting and go play with your toys".

I never understood people who said they couldn't use the toilet without DC in the room either. That's literally what playpens were invented for, surely? To keep DC safe whilst you went off to do something for a few minutes.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 28/08/2025 20:59

NamechangeNightNurse · 28/08/2025 20:58

Mine were BF so kept them as near as possible for convenience .
I really do think it mirrors the dynamic between partners.
If the DH interrupts and demands and it's tolerated then DC do also.

Show quote history

Mine were also breastfed, for years.
They still slept better in their own rooms, though.

We did keep them in with us for three months.

NamechangeNightNurse · 28/08/2025 20:58

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 28/08/2025 20:51

There's also boundaries
Unless it's life and death then no I will not be happy if you are banging on the bathroom door

Yes, what is that all about?
I never took my children into the bathroom with me, ever.

I don't understand all the posts I see on here from women who say they can never visit the bathroom in peace, because of babies and young children.

And what's this about contact naps? I must've missed the memo on them, too.

Mind you, I'm also one of those ogres who stuck their babies in their own rooms.........

Mine were BF so kept them as near as possible for convenience .
I really do think it mirrors the dynamic between partners.
If the DH interrupts and demands and it's tolerated then DC do also.

Countryspaniel · 28/08/2025 20:55

Put things away as soon as they are used. Walk in from swimming and clothes in the laundry room and bag on peg.

Fold washing and put it away.

Lots of categorised storage in the play room.

If you always put things away after use then there is no big mess to tidy.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 28/08/2025 20:51

There's also boundaries
Unless it's life and death then no I will not be happy if you are banging on the bathroom door

Yes, what is that all about?
I never took my children into the bathroom with me, ever.

I don't understand all the posts I see on here from women who say they can never visit the bathroom in peace, because of babies and young children.

And what's this about contact naps? I must've missed the memo on them, too.

Mind you, I'm also one of those ogres who stuck their babies in their own rooms.........

MiddleAgeRageMonster · 28/08/2025 20:36

tangerinemagic · 25/08/2025 14:28

The sad thing is I feel DH and me do try. We will clean the kitchen every night before bed but the hallway and bedrooms are just not clutter free at all. I also hate throwing things away as I think if the waste in landfills, the weighing up of charity shop or to try sell often blocks me from decluttering. Maybe I should be ruthless and forget selling anything!

Show quote history

Having just re read this, are you creeping into hoarding tendencies?
I also hate throwing things away as I think if the waste in landfills, the weighing up of charity shop or to try sell often blocks me from decluttering.
If you would genuinely rather keep something useless than skip it because of the waste already in landfill you need to be ruthless with taking things to the charity shop or selling it on, if it can't be given away/sold due to it's condition then landfill is the necessary last stop for that item.

NamechangeNightNurse · 28/08/2025 20:30

Peoplemakemesigh · 28/08/2025 15:32

This is you taking the easy option though. Instead, teach your kids manners, to wait for what they want until you've finished the thing you're in the middle of. It won't kill them to wait 5min for a glass of water or their teddy. Obviously the times they've had an accident or fighting are different, but you don't have to give over all your time to your kids.
Don't want to sound mean because this is so so common, like maybe over 50% of mums of young DC and I can see it's easier in the moment, but I'll bet you're one of those people it's almost impossible to have a conversation with when DC are around, because you'll allow them to interrupt you/the other person literally every 30sec and instantly focus on them instead of teaching them manners and telling them to wait just a moment while you finish your sentence.

Show quote history

I think we are the same person!
Absolutely no to demanding things like I'm some sort of skivvy plus if you can't find your teddy/ blanket/ book you will need to look a bit harder 😉

I wonder if it's related to how our partners treat us.
For example if your DH/DW expects you to run around after him/her then your DC also expect it.
If you both take responsibility for tidiness and cleaning then your DC will.
I couldn't be more uninterested in my DHs lost keys, he knows not to bother asking they are where you left them

There's also boundaries
Unless it's life and death then no I will not be happy if you are banging on the bathroom door and no I do not tolerate children jumping on me or hurting me/ each other which so many women seem to hate but allow it anyway.

As you were...

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 28/08/2025 18:32

I do not waste anytime in tidying because it never gets untidy.
So it's easier to clean properly and this is done on set days as is laundry.

Yes, I have set days for cleaning as well.
It isn't difficult to clean properly when nothing is untidy.

The dusting takes me 15 minutes on a Saturday. I change the bed that day, too.

The bathroom gets done thoroughly every Friday, although I obviously clean the sink and lavatory daily.

NamechangeNightNurse · 28/08/2025 18:14

Delatron · 28/08/2025 15:17

I am also in awe of those that after a full days work come home and hoover and dust then cook and clean then ferry children about. When I get home from work I’m utterly exhausted. This is also part of the problem.

Anyway sorry to derail the thread but there’s a lot of ‘just tidy as you go, simple’ and it’s not that simple for lots of people.

You aren't derailing @Delatron
The point is that I don't do hoovering and dusting or cleaning when I get home from work!
Tidy people have a plan for housework not just random stabs at it when it gets filthy.

I do not waste anytime in tidying because it never gets untidy.
So it's easier to clean properly and this is done on set days as is laundry.

After work I simply prepare dinner, empty and wash lunch boxes and prep next days lunches
All coats/ bags/ shoes away
Dirty clothes in hampers
Feed pets
After dinner clear up and run dishwasher
DH empties it before we go to bed.
Empty bins
Robot vacuum does its thing !

That's probably an hour tops

I think the issue is the more you avoid chores, the more it piles up and then you have a permanently dirty house with piles of laundry everywhere and it becomes unmanageable.

Kitchenbattle · 28/08/2025 18:11

Somehowgirl · 28/08/2025 17:01

I agree, I just don’t recognise this with a young child. I don’t jump to everything the second he says so. If I’m in the middle of something (housework or simply doing whatever I want to do) I’ll get it for him if I feel like it or I’ll say “I’ll get that for you/ do that with you after I’ve finished X Y or Z”

Show quote history

same!

Somehowgirl · 28/08/2025 17:01

Peoplemakemesigh · 28/08/2025 15:32

This is you taking the easy option though. Instead, teach your kids manners, to wait for what they want until you've finished the thing you're in the middle of. It won't kill them to wait 5min for a glass of water or their teddy. Obviously the times they've had an accident or fighting are different, but you don't have to give over all your time to your kids.
Don't want to sound mean because this is so so common, like maybe over 50% of mums of young DC and I can see it's easier in the moment, but I'll bet you're one of those people it's almost impossible to have a conversation with when DC are around, because you'll allow them to interrupt you/the other person literally every 30sec and instantly focus on them instead of teaching them manners and telling them to wait just a moment while you finish your sentence.

Show quote history

I agree, I just don’t recognise this with a young child. I don’t jump to everything the second he says so. If I’m in the middle of something (housework or simply doing whatever I want to do) I’ll get it for him if I feel like it or I’ll say “I’ll get that for you/ do that with you after I’ve finished X Y or Z”