To be fascinated by tidy people

I don’t recognise any of this at all. What is this armful of “stuff” so I can figure it out?

A “non tidy person” might come in from wherever, be pretty tired, have an armful of stuff from their car, and have their kids demanding things from them (whether or not they repeat, exasperated, to please give them a minute to get in the door.) They might drop the armful of stuff on their habitual dumping spot (for me, it’s a metal table in the entryway to the kitchen, or for keys/mail/headphones/wallets, it’s the “mail place, a counter near the metal table.) They then kick off their shoes (which may or may not make it into the shoe rack/closet) and take off their coat, and then turn to helping/commanding their DC to take off their shoes and coats (hopefully before they drag dirt into the house and empty their pockets. Who knows where the DC have placed their backpacks/lunchboxes/whatever else they carried in with them.) Now they’ve got an armful of coats, kids still asking for things, maybe they notice the dog had an accident in the house or chewed something up during the day, everything is stressful and chaotic. So they put the coats down on the back of the couch, go and fix a snack and some drinks for the DC, clean up after the dog, what have you, and then…

Oh, they better get dinner started because it’s getting late and DP will be home soon and the kids still need to get their baths and get to bed at a reasonable time because if they don’t, they’ll be huge PITAs tomorrow. So they hurry up and get dinner on the stove and/or in the oven, making a normal amount of cooking mess, and then head into the bathroom to run the bath for one child, then come back to the kitchen to start cleaning up. Maybe they get a little bit done, like the ingredients put away, but none of the dishes are attended to yet and the countertops are dirty. Maybe the DC start fighting or asking for help with their homework or one wants their attention, so cleaning is on hold until that’s dealt with. Now the bath is full and it’s time to help one child into it. They sit with them for a few minutes and get them clean and dry and into their pajamas, and then DP is home and dinner is ready to be taken out and served up.

Everyone sits down to eat, then carries their dishes to the sink. DP takes over bathtime for the other DC, while they work on cleaning the kitchen and doing dishes, and then they go to help with bedtime. After all the kids are asleep, they survey their home, and while the kitchen is clean and tidy now…

There’s the coats on the chair, shoes outside of the closet, the stuff from the car in the dumping spot, the unopened/unsorted mail, the DC’s backpacks/lunchboxes/pocket contents and all of the things they were playing with, there’s decorative couch cushions on the floor, snack dishes and associated crumbs, clothing that didn’t make it into the laundry hamper (which is full, btw— better get a load started), bath toys in the tub and towels not hung up… It’s a whole disaster.

Then they’ve got to choose: do they stay up for another 30-45 minutes taking care of all of it (aka, the “evening reset?”) Do they take that time to sit with DP, or maybe take them to bed and fool around? Maybe they desperately need some decompression time so they opt for a nice long shower themselves (or maybe not, because all the hot water is probably gone and also they’ll need to fold the laundry once it comes out of the dryer. Also, the dog needs his evening meds.)

If they don’t choose to clean everything that night, then it gets left for tomorrow, and the day is started with a less-than-tidy home. For a lot of people, this is the start of cumulative mess that they’ll fight and fight and be overwhelmed by, and then it might become difficult to get started.

But what’s also difficult is, in those chaotic moments when you’re getting in the door and trying to take care of all your dependents and responsibilities, is to put all the shoes in the closets, hang all the coats, get all the backpacks/lunchboxes properly emptied and put away, the mail sorted, the stuff from your car taken care of, the dishes done and counters wiped while you’re cooking, etc.— aka, “cleaning as you go.” (Also, getting your DC and DP to clean as they go as well.)

So then it becomes a matter of personal preference and circumstance: 1) Are you able to tend to those things immediately, or are you forced to do them when you get a chance? And 2) Would you prefer to do it now, or do it later? After all, it takes the exact same amount of time to put something away whether it’s done on your arrival home or after the DC have gone to sleep; it’s just a matter of whether you actually do it…

A cleaner, tidier home simply requires that one does more work to make it that way, and for it to be done with greater frequency if one wants a home that is constantly ready for unexpected guests at any time. And as I said… it just feels like habit to “tidy people,” so they don’t see it as much work at all.

A “non tidy person” might come in from wherever, be pretty tired, have an armful of stuff from their car, and have their kids demanding things from them (whether or not they repeat, exasperated, to please give them a minute to get in the door.) They might drop the armful of stuff on their habitual dumping spot (for me, it’s a metal table in the entryway to the kitchen, or for keys/mail/headphones/wallets, it’s the “mail place, a counter near the metal table.) They then kick off their shoes (which may or may not make it into the shoe rack/closet) and take off their coat, and then turn to helping/commanding their DC to take off their shoes and coats (hopefully before they drag dirt into the house and empty their pockets. Who knows where the DC have placed their backpacks/lunchboxes/whatever else they carried in with them.) Now they’ve got an armful of coats, kids still asking for things, maybe they notice the dog had an accident in the house or chewed something up during the day, everything is stressful and chaotic. So they put the coats down on the back of the couch, go and fix a snack and some drinks for the DC, clean up after the dog, what have you, and then…

Oh, they better get dinner started because it’s getting late and DP will be home soon and the kids still need to get their baths and get to bed at a reasonable time because if they don’t, they’ll be huge PITAs tomorrow. So they hurry up and get dinner on the stove and/or in the oven, making a normal amount of cooking mess, and then head into the bathroom to run the bath for one child, then come back to the kitchen to start cleaning up. Maybe they get a little bit done, like the ingredients put away, but none of the dishes are attended to yet and the countertops are dirty. Maybe the DC start fighting or asking for help with their homework or one wants their attention, so cleaning is on hold until that’s dealt with. Now the bath is full and it’s time to help one child into it. They sit with them for a few minutes and get them clean and dry and into their pajamas, and then DP is home and dinner is ready to be taken out and served up.

Everyone sits down to eat, then carries their dishes to the sink. DP takes over bathtime for the other DC, while they work on cleaning the kitchen and doing dishes, and then they go to help with bedtime. After all the kids are asleep, they survey their home, and while the kitchen is clean and tidy now…

There’s the coats on the chair, shoes outside of the closet, the stuff from the car in the dumping spot, the unopened/unsorted mail, the DC’s backpacks/lunchboxes/pocket contents and all of the things they were playing with, there’s decorative couch cushions on the floor, snack dishes and associated crumbs, clothing that didn’t make it into the laundry hamper (which is full, btw— better get a load started), bath toys in the tub and towels not hung up… It’s a whole disaster.

Then they’ve got to choose: do they stay up for another 30-45 minutes taking care of all of it (aka, the “evening reset?”) Do they take that time to sit with DP, or maybe take them to bed and fool around? Maybe they desperately need some decompression time so they opt for a nice long shower themselves (or maybe not, because all the hot water is probably gone and also they’ll need to fold the laundry once it comes out of the dryer. Also, the dog needs his evening meds.)

If they don’t choose to clean everything that night, then it gets left for tomorrow, and the day is started with a less-than-tidy home. For a lot of people, this is the start of cumulative mess that they’ll fight and fight and be overwhelmed by, and then it might become difficult to get started.

But what’s also difficult is, in those chaotic moments when you’re getting in the door and trying to take care of all your dependents and responsibilities, is to put all the shoes in the closets, hang all the coats, get all the backpacks/lunchboxes properly emptied and put away, the mail sorted, the stuff from your car taken care of, the dishes done and counters wiped while you’re cooking, etc.— aka, “cleaning as you go.” (Also, getting your DC and DP to clean as they go as well.)

So then it becomes a matter of personal preference and circumstance: 1) Are you able to tend to those things immediately, or are you forced to do them when you get a chance? And 2) Would you prefer to do it now, or do it later? After all, it takes the exact same amount of time to put something away whether it’s done on your arrival home or after the DC have gone to sleep; it’s just a matter of whether you actually do it…

A cleaner, tidier home simply requires that one does more work to make it that way, and for it to be done with greater frequency if one wants a home that is constantly ready for unexpected guests at any time. And as I said… it just feels like habit to “tidy people,” so they don’t see it as much work at all.

A “non tidy person” might come in from wherever, be pretty tired, have an armful of stuff from their car, and have their kids demanding things from them (whether or not they repeat, exasperated, to please give them a minute to get in the door.) They might drop the armful of stuff on their habitual dumping spot (for me, it’s a metal table in the entryway to the kitchen, or for keys/mail/headphones/wallets, it’s the “mail place, a counter near the metal table.) They then kick off their shoes (which may or may not make it into the shoe rack/closet) and take off their coat, and then turn to helping/commanding their DC to take off their shoes and coats (hopefully before they drag dirt into the house and empty their pockets. Who knows where the DC have placed their backpacks/lunchboxes/whatever else they carried in with them.) Now they’ve got an armful of coats, kids still asking for things, maybe they notice the dog had an accident in the house or chewed something up during the day, everything is stressful and chaotic. So they put the coats down on the back of the couch, go and fix a snack and some drinks for the DC, clean up after the dog, what have you, and then…

Oh, they better get dinner started because it’s getting late and DP will be home soon and the kids still need to get their baths and get to bed at a reasonable time because if they don’t, they’ll be huge PITAs tomorrow. So they hurry up and get dinner on the stove and/or in the oven, making a normal amount of cooking mess, and then head into the bathroom to run the bath for one child, then come back to the kitchen to start cleaning up. Maybe they get a little bit done, like the ingredients put away, but none of the dishes are attended to yet and the countertops are dirty. Maybe the DC start fighting or asking for help with their homework or one wants their attention, so cleaning is on hold until that’s dealt with. Now the bath is full and it’s time to help one child into it. They sit with them for a few minutes and get them clean and dry and into their pajamas, and then DP is home and dinner is ready to be taken out and served up.

Everyone sits down to eat, then carries their dishes to the sink. DP takes over bathtime for the other DC, while they work on cleaning the kitchen and doing dishes, and then they go to help with bedtime. After all the kids are asleep, they survey their home, and while the kitchen is clean and tidy now…

There’s the coats on the chair, shoes outside of the closet, the stuff from the car in the dumping spot, the unopened/unsorted mail, the DC’s backpacks/lunchboxes/pocket contents and all of the things they were playing with, there’s decorative couch cushions on the floor, snack dishes and associated crumbs, clothing that didn’t make it into the laundry hamper (which is full, btw— better get a load started), bath toys in the tub and towels not hung up… It’s a whole disaster.

Then they’ve got to choose: do they stay up for another 30-45 minutes taking care of all of it (aka, the “evening reset?”) Do they take that time to sit with DP, or maybe take them to bed and fool around? Maybe they desperately need some decompression time so they opt for a nice long shower themselves (or maybe not, because all the hot water is probably gone and also they’ll need to fold the laundry once it comes out of the dryer. Also, the dog needs his evening meds.)

If they don’t choose to clean everything that night, then it gets left for tomorrow, and the day is started with a less-than-tidy home. For a lot of people, this is the start of cumulative mess that they’ll fight and fight and be overwhelmed by, and then it might become difficult to get started.

But what’s also difficult is, in those chaotic moments when you’re getting in the door and trying to take care of all your dependents and responsibilities, is to put all the shoes in the closets, hang all the coats, get all the backpacks/lunchboxes properly emptied and put away, the mail sorted, the stuff from your car taken care of, the dishes done and counters wiped while you’re cooking, etc.— aka, “cleaning as you go.” (Also, getting your DC and DP to clean as they go as well.)

So then it becomes a matter of personal preference and circumstance: 1) Are you able to tend to those things immediately, or are you forced to do them when you get a chance? And 2) Would you prefer to do it now, or do it later? After all, it takes the exact same amount of time to put something away whether it’s done on your arrival home or after the DC have gone to sleep; it’s just a matter of whether you actually do it…

A cleaner, tidier home simply requires that one does more work to make it that way, and for it to be done with greater frequency if one wants a home that is constantly ready for unexpected guests at any time. And as I said… it just feels like habit to “tidy people,” so they don’t see it as much work at all.

Aaaaargh!😂
It's so difficult to explain to messy people.

The task is completed fully, it takes seconds to just do it properly.
It's the same amount of effort to hang up a coat rather than chuck it on a chair
To put the tea in the cupboard or put it on the work top
To put bread, cheese, butter away rather than put it on the worktop -exactly the same time or energy

Now add up all the discarded coats, bags, shoes for a family x 4
They leave out the teabags, cheese etc, don't pick up and put away things -a book goes on the floor not the bookcase.
It will take half a day for it to look like a bombsite
It's depressing and draining
Where do you start?

You also need to cook, try to clean, need to do laundry but you feel overwhelmed already by the mess so those tasks feel harder.
So you don't do them.

In contrast I can whip round and clean properly and quickly because everything is clear
It's not so onerous.
Robot vac whizzes round every day
The floors are clear

I can’t do things unless I am under pressure to do them, (think guests arriving with 5 minutes notice kind of energy) so now I use a timer. If I have 30 minutes I’ll do a 15 minute timer and blitz for 15 then sit for 15, or sometimes the motivation has me so I continue on.

i also did a ruthless mass clear out of clutter in the past month and sent 30 bags to charity/dump.

This has significantly improved the look of our home which is definitely starting to look tidy.

I am also not allowed a kitchen bin as myself (possible ADHD, and my husband who has CPTSD are generally woeful in that if we don’t see it right in front of us we forget about it) so a bin can be left to get rather messy and smelly, then it becomes a monumental task to deal with which we both want to avoid.

So instead we use a small bin liner hung in an inconspicuous corner near the back door that gets emptied twice a day when full.

Small hacks. Big impact.

I teach in primary and there are some families that lose school books. I’m always taken aback .One child from a family of two chn has lost 5. She now can’t take books home which could affect her reading progress( she gets to read at school obviously) but how can that happen?

I love this! My Mum cleans my oven and then looks around for things to sew..

Yep I read somewhere that untidy people are clever haha. My Dad used to say if you sat down for long enough mum would iron you. Shéd come and stay with us for a few days and my flat would be gleaming within hours!

Ha! Yes I think sometimes it goes in cycles? So my Mum grew up in a messy house - though to be fair my Nan was a single Mum working full time with 3 kids. So on the flip side my Mum is ridiculously tidy. I am not. She comes to my house and irons everything in sight!

I don’t want to argue with the ‘why wouldn’t you possibly just put everything away’ crowd. But we are all different. And some people are more chaotic and less tidy than others. Even though you struggle to see how that could possibly be. Just like some people are better at maths. Or are more creative.

My mum was like that. Never sat down, worked, cooked , we had immaculately ironed clothes.You could literally walk in anytime and it was immaculate. How she ended up with a daughter like me is a mystery !

And I grew up in a very clean and tidy house. In fact my Mum never sat down!

It’s just harder for some people and therefore I wouldn’t judge. There is a bit of a lack of understanding or empathy saying ‘why do people just throw things on the floor’ or ‘why can’t they just put things away’. In utter disbelief that anyone is different to themselves and therefore they must just be lazy.

And I grew up in a very clean and tidy house. In fact my Mum never sat down!

It’s just harder for some people and therefore I wouldn’t judge. There is a bit of a lack of understanding or empathy saying ‘why do people just throw things on the floor’ or ‘why can’t they just put things away’. In utter disbelief that anyone is different to themselves and therefore they must just be lazy.

Throw away everything that doesn't serve a purpose or is cherished, I regularly go around with a bin bag and if I'm in doubt, it goes, and make sure every single thing has a home

Look my house is tidy and clean (but it’s hard work). I just wouldn’t judge a messy house (especially a child’s bedroom!!) the way some on here have. That’s all. But judge away.

My house growing up was like this.- awful an absolute tip
I felt like an alien that had landed on a different planet

@Somehowgirl exactly
After breakfast dishes went into dishwasher
Ditto lunch
Will run it after dinner and DH will empty
All I will do is wipe the worktops and empty the bins

Tomorrow will be unload shopping, clean fridge and put it away
Do laundry
We both do about an hours cleaning

@Delatron
You are judging tidy people as less empathetic than you, which is rather an unpleasant generalisation probably due to defensiveness
If I'm being totally honest if I go to a very dirty, cluttered house I suspect there is a MH issue/ relationship issue at play so I would be empathetic and am always the first to lend a hand if someone has a new baby etc