To be fascinated by tidy people

Both my DH and I are tidy and we moved to a smaller home recently so everything is always put away. When my DC were small they would have their toys out, but once they went to bed everything would be packed away. No I am not always tidying and I sit down - too much if I’m honest. I just keep on top of things, hate living in clutter. I have to sit on my hands if if go to a house where things are all over the place

If you get things tidy keeping it that way is not a big deal, its getting to a tidy state to begin with is the key

You most likely have too much stuff. Your house will never look tidy when you have too much stuff because half of it you don't (or very rarely) use, which means it is a dust magnet, and things get lost, so you end up buying more things and it all becomes very chaotic and it's impossible to put everything away to a point where it looks nice. Then cleaning is an effort because you have to move things to clean, or there are just more things to clean so it takes forever. So you dread/avoid it and let it build up, so things are harder to clean and take even longer when you get to them and you never get around to doing the more obscure jobs, like wiping down door frames and light switches, unless you happen to be standing near it one day and notice, so you get used to it looking sort of drab and half arsed.

I am not naturally tidy, grew up in a messy house, not particularly arsed about things being tidy and I don't think my house is (or will ever be) as tidy/clean as a tidy person's, but I did reform a bit by listening to people who are also reformed messy people or who have helped a lot of them and REALLY understand their psyches - Dana K White (A Slob Comes Clean) and Marie Kondo are the main players for me, but Sort Your Life Out is helpful too with the whole zones thing, Clutterbug is intriguing too - I think she also does zones - and I did a bit of FLYlady back in the day, although find her too twee and fussy now.

The biggest 100% biggest difference is always when I go through and clear out a load of STUFF. It helped when we moved countries, it helped when I did Marie Kondo, it helped when I did Dana's decluttering book and then it helped when we moved to a larger place which fitted our family better, although we've been here a year, and I need to have another big clearout because I haven't been maintaining my regular habit of getting stuff out/being conscious about the stuff that I keep.

When we have less it's easier to keep it cleaner. I will never be a minimalist, and that concept always put me off "decluttering" before because I thought you are supposed to throw out all your stuff, but I do definitely feel a benefit of having just my favourite options in each category of things, rather than having access to every possible option at all times, which I like in theory, but in practice is a bit too much to keep track of.

if it’s not obsessive cleaning then I’m not sure why the two can’t co exist. People who are bonkers about it being clean, it’s not usually really about cleaning so the cause of an unhappy childhood isnt the cleaning, the cleaning is a symptom of how that parents mental stuff manifests itself. So my mum was unhappy and resentful so she’d clean and hoover really loudly if I wasn’t uk early, she resented me having a lie in. She also got her I here t value out of having a clean house, I don’t but I do have a clean house. Husband and I don’t have that resentment or unhappiness so we are happy to wait til the teenager wakes and aren’t banging round the house in a passive aggressive fury.

In terms of tips I would say that having a specific place where everything belongs makes tidying a lot easier.

Never leave a room empty handed.

Never go upstairs without taking something up.

Don't put things down twice - don't put it on the arm of the sofa when it could go in the cupboard if you used your legs.

Ensure the kids have their chores.

Choose one day to do a deep clean. I have tidy Friday. House is bottomed on a Friday. Shopping done and away before a treat tea and wake up Sat morning with it all done. Then just do the daily to keep on top before bottoming again the next week.

"Untidy clutter and dirty are two very different things. I dont mind clutter but the house must be clean."

Maybe because I live in a major metro area with a lot of traffic and pollution and air quality issues, but I find clutter makes for both dirt and major dust in the home. A lot of people around here have asthma and dust is a huge trigger for it. I consider it as unhealthy in its way as dirt.

OP has 3 prams, a bike, and a sofa in her entry and other stuff. How do you really clean there?

I'm a really tidy person but don't have kids so not comparing like for like. However, i would say it's almost entirely instinctive. I love to have a clear space and actively enjoying tidying up and restoring a sense of peace - especially after small children visit. FWIW I never judge anyone who is less tidy - in fact I often think other people's homes feel a lot cosier than mine.

I’ve just always got better things to do than tidy so just lowered standards for myself.

I also have ADHD and tidying and cleaning just doesn't motivate me. I don't care enough. I have loads of books - and I'm happy with that - and too much stuff generally, but I'm not a hoarder and regularly declutter. I moved house a few years back and when I first moved in I made a real effort to actually hoover (I hate it) and generally keep the place okay. It was such a relief to get a promotion that meant I could get a cleaner once a fortnight.

Stuff that works for me that might help you, OP:

• Give up all idea of selling stuff, just consider the monetary loss as smaller than the cost of the time and energy it would take to sell it. If you don't want a thing, give it away and forget it. Enjoy the freedom.
• Do regular small declutters - e.g. try on all your t-shirts and give away anything you're not sure about, which doesn't fit, or you actively don't like.
• Time jobs you hate but which have to be done - e.g. washing up a sink full of dishes is much quicker than you expect. Then you can tell yourself I'm only washing up for five minutes and be pleasantly surprised by how much you get done.
• Outsource things you really can't stand - get someone else to hoover and do something they hate, or get a cleaner.
• Give yourself a handful of things you insist on doing every day - making the bed, picking kids' crap off the floor in one room, washing up, whatever. That's your red line and means it won't get completely out of hand.

I know everyone on here is well-meaning and answering the OP's question, but I think if you are struggling and aren't a naturally tidy person, then you're not going to magically become disciplined or develop sufficient executive function to become one. Mind you, having said all that, I'm off to read that reformed messy thread!

Every time you move you put something away.
Eg - don’t go upstairs without carrying something up AND put it away. Or leave the lounge and take your cup AND put it in the dishwasher. Or toys get put away before the next toy comes out.

It takes minimal effort. But if you don’t all do it, and teach your kids to do it, you’ll end up
living in a tip.

Yes, I agree, and while no one needs “show home” levels of tidiness and cleanliness, I think most children actually do appreciate having a calm and tidy environment. People often have memories of very untidy homes, and these memories are not fond memories!!

I just got home from a weekend away. Having a short break after a long trip home but soon I will get a podcast one and tackle the suitcases. Being on top of things helps me maintain sanity. Literally.

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I don't think more storage is the answer, to be honest. I tried this and just ended up with more Stuff. Being able to visualise how it should be is the trick (someone suggested this upthread). When I was working I used to have to organise photoshoots and I know from experience that if ANYTHING is out of place, it becomes the focus of the photograph. I therefore tidy as if preparing for a photoshoot. Everything put away, everything that's visible in its place. Since I live alone, I can't blame anyone else ('I've told that cat not to leave his knitting on the sofa!' won't work) and any dirt is mine. I'm not perfect by any means but I try to get the place completely tidy and clean enough before I go to bed. If someone's going to be visiting, I clean the bathroom the day before because you never know who's going to ask to use the loo.

But it's work in progress. That's it.

I really struggled when my children were young. I'm nearly sixty and I can still descend into chaos if I get overwhelmed with life.

I'm on a Daily Project thread in Chat- I started the current one but I'm not responsible for the original idea. You're welcome to join us!

I posted a link only yesterday of the sort of blog I find helpful. It's here:

https://nosidebar.com/a-clutter-free-home/

Untidy clutter and dirty are two very different things. I dont mind clutter but the house must be clean.

Perhaps a cleaner would be your best bet, once you have done a proper declutter?

I work 50+ hours a week usually, DH also works full time. I dont sit down until the place is clean at night.
Bags, bikes, lunch boxes, clothes, all dealt with at the time and put away.
We dont have a cleaner and I never sit down with a do it later attitude as its pointless. It wont get done.

Our house is very tidy. And clean!

It does take work and planning though.

Everything needs a home.

Declutter as I go and also do a few sort outs a year, maybe 1 room or cupboard at a time.

Lots of storage solutions. We have storage beds, storage footstools, and baskets for kids toys behind doors and in corners.

Be strategic so you don't get overwhelmed. For example, washing comes off line. I fold it, put it on the stairs, take it up next time I go up. I then sort it out when my bath is running in the evening. I do do random jobs when I see them as well but I'm in a good routine of slotting things in when I have a moment.

I don't do anything once my bath is run in the evenings. Neither does my husband. We have 2-3 hours of switch off time every night.

We are tidy people but it doesn’t really take a lot of time. Kids are late teens now so their mess is confined to their rooms but when they were young we had storage shelves and units in open plan kitchen/diner. The key things are lots of storage, regular declutters/ebay sales/charity shop loads and not buying to much in the first place.

I have an interview question I intend to ask if I ever consider letting someone else move in with me.

It's "how often should tidying be done?"

It's a trick question. The correct response is that tidying should never need to be done, as no-one should have created a mess in the first place.

Get rid of half of your things. At least.
make sure every item has a home and that it goes back there
have a policy to touch things once (pick up the post, file it, action it or bin it)
every evening you have a twenty minute reset

be disciplined, get into a routine and it becomes much, much easier.

if something doesn’t have a home you find it a home, with things that do the same sort of purpose or what they go with.

have your mantra “don’t put it down, put it away”.

but declutter, ask yourself if you can live without it, if you can’t find a home for something you have to make choices about what you keep.

Do you have enough storage space op? And does everything (I mean EVERYTHING) have a set storage spot? If not, you’re never going to get your house tidy as you’ll just be moving stuff to and fro trying to find a spot for it. If storage is an issue you need to either buy extra storage (cupboards, boxes, whatever is needed) or get rid of stuff. Probably both.

Declutter! Start following instagram pages that inspire you to live more minimalist.
The more you own, the more you have to clean. Start with a room a month. Be strict with yourself for getting rid of stuff you don’t need. If you don’t use it then take it to the charity shop someone else will enjoy it.
I only have 1 child, and I designed his wardrobes from IKEA, with storage for his toys in mind. Triple wardrobe with shelves I was able to put toys in boxes. Then hang clothes also.
Whilst you have more children, I’m sure you probably have enough toys from the older one that your younger ones could you. Your biggest problem with be people gifting to your children. You need to make gentle suggestions to family and friends for Christmas/ birthdays. My son loves cosy PJs for example so my mum will get them for Christmas for him. Less budget to spend on toys. Or he had a switch one year and I asked grandparents to buy games for it. For friends all agree not to buy each other’s kids toys, and go on a big day out together.
Declutter, get rid of furniture that creates mess, start habits young with children.

I was about to post the same thing … except yarn: I will never have enough storage for my stash! 🧶

You can't just keep acquiring new stuff like the new furniture and not get rid of the old. If you can't sell it in a reasonable amount of time, get rid of it. Your home is not a storage site or a junkyard. You have an old sofa and 3 prams and a bike in your entry? How many prams do you need?

It sounds like you've got too much stuff and the way to deal with that is declutter. Put stuff away when you come in.

You can't always recycle things to other people. You can't always sell your stuff in a reasonable amount of time. So stop feeling guilty if you have to toss something.

I’m tidy and my friends aren’t, I think the main differences we have are:

• I have more storage in my house; and
• I clean before my house gets messy, I know that sounds weird but it’s so much easier! I have two cleaning days a week (Tues & Fri). And I great these like exercising, don’t really want to do it but it has to be done to stay on top of things! I get it done on a morning before work and I have an order I do my jobs in, with a clear list, so it doesn’t take me too long - but it means my house never really gets messy

I live and dream tidyness. It gives my head space to breath. You can hire professional declutterers if its getting you down. But tidiness is a habbit and a lifestyle. Not compulsary by any means... everyone has a lifestyle. No one shoe fits everyone