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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be fascinated by tidy people

788 replies

tangerinemagic · 25/08/2025 14:14

I’m just not tidy. Nor is my husband. We try. Actually very hard. We have two young children and a dog but there is literally stuff everywhere, all of the time.

I live in London, so we naturally have many parent friends right on our doorstep and there is a ‘drop in’ culture where we might wrap up a playground or common trip and head to each others houses.

Ours is not fit for that kind of spontaneity but others fling open their doors at any time and it’s like no one even lives there.

when conversations come up about chores, cleaning, tidiness, I recoil. They really are extremely tidy people and with young kids. You can’t mistake walking into a tidy persons house, it just feels, different.

The floors and sofa/furniture in our house just don’t look like theirs, even if you have a whip round and tidy you can tell.

So, tidy people, tell me, how do you do it. What are the tips. Was this nurture growing up in a tidy household? Or something you learned? AIBU to be ashamed my pram, car, house is always in need of a clean.

OP posts:
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TammyJones · 25/08/2025 17:09

ChangingWeight · 25/08/2025 14:51

The two aren’t mutually exclusive, you nutter.

My parents used to be messy and I will never forget how embarrassed I was as a child/teen. The house was never tidy enough for guests to come over therefore I never had guests or sleepovers. Spontaneous visits from anyone just never happened so I missed out on a lot of core experiences, that I hope my children will experience instead. My parent’s house was gross to live in, they had dogs so the smell
and dog hair everywhere were not to be underestimated.

Regardless of my parents dying or not, I’m still going to remember them as messy people, and it did impact my life at the time. I might not remember a specific day where a specific cushion wasn’t straight, but I will remember the general unhappy sentiment.

thank you @ChangingWeight
I’m a naturally tidy person.
I find it easy - everything has a place, good storage, declutter as and when.
Housework, once through Ona Saturday , fold clothes / ironing watching tv.
My mil once said a house was living in ….,
but you can live in a house ( bring up your children , have fun, throw parties , have lots of toys, drink wine etc)
Its sad that tidy people are made to feel ‘wrong’ for Keeping a clean / tidy house.

Poodlelove · 25/08/2025 17:08

Can you keep one room tidy ?
We put everything away at bedtime so it's nice when we wake up.
You can label boxes with pictures and the children can help before bed.

BertieBotts · 25/08/2025 17:07

PetiteBlondeDuBoulevardBrune · 25/08/2025 16:31

Q for the ones advising to de-clutter: don’t you end up buying new items that you previously owned? Or do you accept that out of say 10 items you get rid off, you might end up re-buying 1 but the cost is worth it for living in a tidier home?

Yes I do - consciously - and I find it incredibly revolutionary.

I think Marie Kondo was the first one to make me reconsider this - she says rather than keeping the item, why not see shops as being a giant storage unit, with an incredibly cheap price. DH illustrated this to me brilliantly a few months later when I complained about all the cables he was keeping. He went to Ikea, and bought a big plastic tub for €20 to keep them in. We do occasionally look through that tub for a cable, but the vast majority of the cables in that tub, we could replace for less than €5 on amazon. It is very rare that we actually go searching for a cable in that tub. It just lived on top of the kids' wardrobe, collecting dust, until we moved and now it is in a storage cupboard. We could have saved the €20, gained the space used by that big tub and not had the heavy thing which is hard to move and clean around, and replaced a cable 4x (which is certainly more often than we have used any cables from that tub in the last 7 years since he bought it).

The way she frames it is that the amount of money you would spend on a storage unit, or on higher rent/mortgage for a bigger house, is much more than the cost of replacing items when you need them later, rather than taking up so much (collective) space with things that you "might" use later.

Then secondly, Dana K White was another which made me reconsider this with her question, which I find genius - she says when tidying up - "If you wanted one of these, where in your house would you look for it first?" Then if you can't answer the question she says think realistically, whether you can't answer because it would never occur to you to look for this item in your house. This last one is SO true for me. I would keep a load of random scraps of ribbon, thinking it would be useful for crafts or presents or something. And then when I wanted to wrap a present or do a craft using ribbon, I would go to a shop and buy ribbon. It would never even occur to me to go looking for the other ribbons I had saved!

Or, I'd look for things (sellotape, batteries, whatever) and not be able to find them anywhere and end up having to re-buy them anyway.

So I think I was actually re-buying stuff much more often when the house was more cluttered, because I didn't know what I had.

The even bigger "level up" I found for this is that I re-bought some childhood books which I have no idea where they ended up but I didn't have them. So I bought new copies to read to the DC. I found that the nostalgia, the memories, were all there just the same. It didn't matter at all that it wasn't the exact copy that I had once owned myself. It literally didn't matter! I realised that everything I was holding onto from DS1 in case DS2 might want it (there is a ten year gap between them) I could let go of. Some things I sold, some I just gave away or donated, or threw away if it was trashed, but anything I wanted I could probably rebuy. If it isn't made any more, I can get a newer version, or look second hand.

Sometimes I do buy stuff that we used to have, and it's usually better - because it's in newer condition and hasn't been degrading quietly in a cupboard for years. I also feel confident in spending the money on the item, because I know that it will be something we will use and enjoy, rather than when you buy something you've never used before and don't know if it is really any good.

Obviously there are sentimental items which I still do keep, or things which would be difficult or expensive to replace, (though sometimes even expensive things are worth selling and then buying second hand later) but I am much less anxious about letting things go which we don't need at this moment, knowing that it will be highly likely I can get hold of another one in the future if I especially want to.

ChocolateCinderToffee · 25/08/2025 17:07

PetiteBlondeDuBoulevardBrune · 25/08/2025 16:31

Q for the ones advising to de-clutter: don’t you end up buying new items that you previously owned? Or do you accept that out of say 10 items you get rid off, you might end up re-buying 1 but the cost is worth it for living in a tidier home?

If I haven't used it or needed for a year, I put a mental question mark over it. Once it gets to two years, I may get rid.

That said, I have jewellery, china and books that are a comfort blanket rather than something I use. Clothes however will go out if i haven't worn them because chances are I don't like them or they don't fit.

Tink3rbell30 · 25/08/2025 17:06

The key is to have a big declutter first and make sure everything has a place.

Zezet · 25/08/2025 17:02

NamechangeNightNurse · 25/08/2025 16:53

I read that tidy people see things as one task
Make tea, clear away teabags, milk, spoon in dishwasher
Untidy people -make tea

They leave teabags, milk, spoon out and bloody cupboard door open DH! as they see it as different tasks they will get to later but then don't and it builds up.

I think this is true. It's an executive functioning problem. That's why I think so much advice that actually works for messy people are actually ways of reducing the amount of steps. For example my plates cupboard is next to the dishwasher because I used to take them out - but not put them in the cupboard on the other side of the kitchen. Two unrelated tasks in my brain. So now I made the closest-by place where I can put them, the place where they have to live.

ChrisMartinsKisskam · 25/08/2025 17:01

my house is completely white as in white walls / skirting’s rooms doors windows bedrooms
this means it always looks clinically clean and bright and I touch up the paint work regularly which means it always looks fresh
I have white indoor french shutters on every window 😂
colours I get from bedding pictures flowers towels curtains and

I sweep and mop my floor every day
I always ensure the dishes are done at night before I go to bed I put them in the dishwasher as I go so no mess

I wipe down and clean my kitchen counters after I’ve cooked

I clean the shower while im showering and mop the floor with a towel when i get out and I wipe the bathroom sink daily and clean the toilet daily with some bleach gel - keep the bathroom window open at all times

I make my bed when I get up
i have a basket for dirty clothes
I put my clothes away if I’ve only worn them for a few hours I will put them back in the wardrobe

I have a few room sprays in my wardrobe that I use daily to keep the upstairs rooms fresh

I open the bedroom bathroom
windows and the patio doors every day

my sofa is good quality leather but has throws on it so I just shake and remake them daily
I have some really nice room sprays that I use

Vacum the stairs twice a week sometimes 3

snowynight · 25/08/2025 16:59

@SoScarletItWascan you share the reformed messy person thread? Unreformed messer here!

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 25/08/2025 16:58

NamechangeNightNurse · 25/08/2025 16:53

I read that tidy people see things as one task
Make tea, clear away teabags, milk, spoon in dishwasher
Untidy people -make tea

They leave teabags, milk, spoon out and bloody cupboard door open DH! as they see it as different tasks they will get to later but then don't and it builds up.

That's kind of how I see it too.

When I cook, for example, I see cleaning the sides, putting dishes to soak and washing up as one whole task, whereas DH will cook and then just leave everything for hours before he comes back to it or forgets.

Hotflushesandchilblains · 25/08/2025 16:55

I wasnt tidy until I left home, now super tidy. Do it when you see it, have a tidy before you sit down or go up to bed. Put things back where they came from. If you do that as you go along, there is not much to be done to keep up with things.

feelingsdrasticallychanged · 25/08/2025 16:55

Ahh @tangerinemagic my least favourite thing to talk about!

But here are my thoughts…

My house is currently a shit tip. Toys everywhere, dishes from dinner, bathrooms need doing, clothes need putting away/washing. The list is never ending.

It’s never usually like this though, it’s usually always ‘ready’ for unwelcome guests! However I have been unwell so it’s all gone to shit. It’s funny though because I HATE it being untidy, but then I have to admit I usually spend a ridiculous amount of my time cleaning and that also gets to me. I don’t really get to appreciate the cleanliness and tidyness because my children just undo it all within hours. So I’m constantly constantly catching up.

Basically I feel there is no middle ground with cleaning. It’s either really nice and clean/ tidy (due to continuous hard work keeping it that way) or…it’s shit.

I really would like a cleaner.

NamechangeNightNurse · 25/08/2025 16:53

I read that tidy people see things as one task
Make tea, clear away teabags, milk, spoon in dishwasher
Untidy people -make tea

They leave teabags, milk, spoon out and bloody cupboard door open DH! as they see it as different tasks they will get to later but then don't and it builds up.

ZoggyStirdust · 25/08/2025 16:53

Zezet · 25/08/2025 16:48

See I don't think this is true at all. For many people it's not that they don't mind the mess, it's that it's not obvious how to make tidying so simple that they can do it. For many it's the link between the feeling and the action that's hard. Because the steps demand too much decision-making power, or too many steps, or lack of correct storage makes the exercise impossible.

Most messy people I know would kill to have a mechanism that they can handle that leaves their house tidy.

Interesting. Perhaps I’m just aware that for my mental health I need to live in a clean and tidy environment. I guess I’ve gradually worked that out and worked out that keeping it like that is easier and better for me than letting it go then blitzing it

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 25/08/2025 16:51

greengreyblue · 25/08/2025 16:44

Nope. We both work . DH is out 7.30 -6 and I’m out 8-4.

I'm not sure you meant to reply to me - I didn't say anything about working? Confused

ZoggyStirdust · 25/08/2025 16:51

Also I say to my (messy) other half when asked how i do it, “I don’t make the mess in the first place”. Put stuff away rather than down, cooking spils wiped up there and then.

greengreyblue · 25/08/2025 16:50

Zezet · 25/08/2025 16:48

See I don't think this is true at all. For many people it's not that they don't mind the mess, it's that it's not obvious how to make tidying so simple that they can do it. For many it's the link between the feeling and the action that's hard. Because the steps demand too much decision-making power, or too many steps, or lack of correct storage makes the exercise impossible.

Most messy people I know would kill to have a mechanism that they can handle that leaves their house tidy.

The mechanism is :
1.create storage or get rid of excess stuff.
2.Put stuff away after use.
3.Keep it up.

FurForksSake · 25/08/2025 16:49

Gosh yes, I do the ten minutes thing, I agree with myself that I will do something for ten minutes. When the timer goes off I am free to walk away. If I feel like it I reset it for another ten minutes and rinse and repeat.

Zezet · 25/08/2025 16:48

ZoggyStirdust · 25/08/2025 16:41

This. If you don’t like clutter you just naturally esure it never gets too much. Things like never walking past things on the stairs, or just putting things away is a bit second nature.

if you want to learn it I’d suggest trying to never walk past something that’s not where it should be…

See I don't think this is true at all. For many people it's not that they don't mind the mess, it's that it's not obvious how to make tidying so simple that they can do it. For many it's the link between the feeling and the action that's hard. Because the steps demand too much decision-making power, or too many steps, or lack of correct storage makes the exercise impossible.

Most messy people I know would kill to have a mechanism that they can handle that leaves their house tidy.

Rowen32 · 25/08/2025 16:47

tangerinemagic · 25/08/2025 14:25

So sometimes never sitting down? My kids will be up soon and if I’d tidied everywhere I’d be so exhausted I wouldn’t have energy for the afternoon.

I can't sit either but you say until your children are up, is this morning? I would have everything done from night before so nothing to do in morning...

Everything has a home, goes straight back there when it's used, nothing is kept without purpose, that's it pretty much

LatteLady · 25/08/2025 16:46

From Mumsnet last year, I took on board if I go into another room, I have to take an item with me from the room I am in and put it away. I recently had a tsunami of ironing as I got behind, so now if I go into the kitchen where the iron lives, I have to iron one item straight away... I reached the last item on Saturday but sadly I did a wash this morning, but I know I can do it.

I also took heart from Remi Clog on YouTube who is ND and her method is a timer... I do this and find I will go over the time, but because 10 or 15 mins does not sound long, I will give it a go.

NamechangeNightNurse · 25/08/2025 16:46

tangerinemagic · 25/08/2025 14:28

The sad thing is I feel DH and me do try. We will clean the kitchen every night before bed but the hallway and bedrooms are just not clutter free at all. I also hate throwing things away as I think if the waste in landfills, the weighing up of charity shop or to try sell often blocks me from decluttering. Maybe I should be ruthless and forget selling anything!

You have to absolutely ruthless about decluttering and storage.
We have shoe storage cupboards in the hall which are very slimline and a coat hook/ shelf
Otherwise shoes would be tripped over and bags chucked on the floor.
Large washable rug
Woe betide anyone who leaves their shoes out

It's very simple to keep that tidy
Meal plan/ Ocado / bins emptied every evening, bin wiped .
Robot vacuum ( do not come at me with it gets stuck on things. Pick them up!)

Food is eaten at the table only so no food stains/ crumbs which makes every thing look grubby.
Clear,away straight after, wipe up
As I'm cooking I load dishwasher/ wipe down, once eaten dinner plates go in and dishwasher on.
DH unloads last thing.
Quick mop if messy

So you start every day with a clean tidy house.
After bathing DC , all bedrooms tidied, towels hung, clothes in laundry bin.
It takes minutes but if left it would be a huge task.
Personally I find dirty,messy houses depressing .
I grew up in a midden, it was awful

ZoggyStirdust · 25/08/2025 16:45

Toooldtopretend · 25/08/2025 15:11

I can’t enjoy sitting down if there is mess that needs to be cleared. I’d rather just get it done and then sit down somewhere clean and tidy than knowing it needs to be done.

Also this

im often told “just leave it and relax”. The two are mutually exclusive

greengreyblue · 25/08/2025 16:44

What is it that’s out ? If everything has a place, put it there!

Zezet · 25/08/2025 16:44

BertieBotts · 25/08/2025 16:33

I never used to bother cleaning up after DC when they played because my thinking was "They will just get everything out again anyway and I don't mind" - I can genuinely relax with toys all over the floor, I don't care. I just ignore it, if my focus is on the TV/my computer/my book etc it doesn't matter to me if it's messy.

However, one day as a bit of a mini project, I went through all their toys and properly consolidated them into sets, separated out sets which don't work if one bit is missing, (like board games are in boxes) and got rid of random stragglers that didn't belong to anything or were broken or outgrown or didn't work properly or were the wrong scale for the rest of the things or were the bit they constantly threw aside to get to the rest of it.

What surprised me was it literally instantly became much easier to tidy, and they also played with stuff much more and for longer, rather than only ever looking for the current favourite (usually whatever was newest) or whining for screen time.

I knew that it was frustrating that everything was mixed up, but I hadn't really noticed exactly what was happening as a result of this. What I hadn't realised was previously they would be looking for a specific part and in order to find it, they'd throw everything all over the floor and tip over boxes and stuff because they couldn't see what was in them. They don't do this any more. They just get the box of stuff they want and play with that, and if something is missing, it's fairly easy to look through other likely boxes and it usually turns up. The other thing I hadn't really noticed was happening was that they would also only ever be able to find part of any set before they got bored of looking, so they couldn't play with it properly, and that meant they would get bored with it really quickly and move on.

Once everything was sorted into sets with picture labels, they can see what they have and choose to get out the toy animals, or the cars, or the lego. When they have moved on from the cars to the lego, it's really obvious because there is a pile of cars, and a pile of lego - rather than one large, overwhelming pile containing various mixed toys. So then I can either tidy them up myself, which takes a couple of minutes because it's just cars in that pile, or I can get them to do it if I feel like they're in a cooperative mood and I'm happy to interrupt them.

This a 100%

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