To be fascinated by tidy people

Two kids here (2 and 4) and I would consider us quite tidy. Our house is usually pretty okay for guests at any time. Some things I do to try and maintain…

have a massive declutter, listen to some minimalist YouTubers and really think about what you have, what you use, and what you don’t need. Be ruthless.

be organised the night before. Closes out and ironed for everyone (including DH and I). It avoids the morning chaos of throwing things about looking for stuff.

wipe down the kitchen worktops after every meal, it takes 1 minute and makes a massive difference. I can’t relax with crumbs on the counters.

when it starts to get a bit out of hand, set a 5 minute timer and run round and challenge yourself to see how much you can get down. Do this multiple times a day to keep on top of the daily chaos. You will be AMAZED what you can actually do in 5 minutes, and knowing you’re only sacrificing 5 minutes to the task makes it easier to commit to. Get the kids involved and make it a game. We try and do this before we leave the house in the morning, means we come home to a tidy house.

Throw money at it if you can. We have a robot hoover, it comes on every night at 2am, getting up to crumb free floors is bliss. I also keep cleaning products in each toilet. Means I can have a very quick wipe round each bathroom everyday without going hunting for cleaner and cloths

have a nightly routine for when the kids go to bed, me and DH will run round and reset the house for the next day.

I have 5 kids. I tidy because I have to, because I want my kids to live in a pleasant home, not because i'm a clean freak or obsessively tidy. I'd rather sit down and relax, I'm exhausted most days, but isn't that par for the course? I think you can make excuses all day long but you are choosing an untidy home.

OP I am I think like you in that I feel quite tired and lazy and will just always choose sitting on my arse to catch my breath over tidying or cleaning BUT I have managed to make some headway by doing the following:

-ruthless throwing out. I used to just hang on to things as I thought it was a waste to get rid but now I bring an awful lot to clothes bank and recycling centre. And if they are going there, they go into bags in the boot of the car and we do a run every weekend or so to get rid of it.

-really forcing myself to use little ten min slots during day when kids are occupied to wipe or dust or tidy a little thing (like sorting one of the bags you mention, or maybe tidying away crap that has accumulated on the mantelpiece). I tell myself that every 5 mins work when they’re awake is 5 mins of arse sitting when they’re asleep!

-trying not to let the general tidying build up too much by putting things away as I go - I try to do “don’t put it down put it away” but like you am fighting my instinct to just dump everything somewhere and deal with it later. But I try to make present me work harder for future me rather than the opposite.

I have accepted though I am just a bit lazier and lower energy than a lot of very tidy clean organised people. I once saw a TikTok day in the life of a woman I work with and was really blown away at how much housework she did in the evenings while I had already collapsed with exhaustion on the sofa surrounded by chaos. So I’ll never be that but I do try to emulate where I can and it generally raises the overall standards!

I’m totally with you on this, no matter how many times I try to adopt a new ‘method’ of organisation I can’t seem to change. I have got a little better with experience but no where near enough

Yep - I get annoyed when it's really bad but overall I just cannot be arsed with the level of work it would take to maintain. I would rather sit down and read a book or something.

Life is too short!

I know the scenario you mean, happens to us a lot and have invited quite a few baby friends in on the hop. Ive also assumed I’d be invited in to a house and then not been (my daughter wee’d in the travel potty on their front path..!

Our house is always clean-ish, we have a cleaner which means we HAVE to make sure it’s all tidy when she comes, it keeps up on track! Can you pay for a pram valet?

I do a lot of tidying while mY husband does bedtime - divide and conquer?

No matter how many tiktok videos I watch for inspiration, I just am not tidy 😭😭😭😭

These are really full on ages. The first year with two is also just a bit of a write off in general. It does get easier. It's great when they start to play together without it instantly devolving into WW3.

...the same way I don’t have to think to brush my teeth

Ah you see, well, this is a bit of a sore spot for me. I assume it's part of my ADHD (the doctor thinks so) but it is very difficult for me to ingrain routines in the way that other people seem to be able to.

I do have to think to brush my teeth, if I didn't think about it, I wouldn't do it. My oral health was shocking for a very long time. My solution now is that my morning alarm on my phone has to be deactivated with a barcode, and I set the barcode to my toothpaste, to remind me. If something interrupts this routine, I don't brush my teeth. There was a period when I first got used to this where the taste and texture in my mouth would alert me and I would desperately want to brush my teeth because I was finally used to them feeling clean, but my dental health has improved to the point my mouth isn't so horrible first thing in the morning any more, so this is no longer a useful motivator.

The barcode alarm BTW is a holdover from when I used to massively struggle to wake up in the mornings. This has improved with medication, so I don't need it any more, I could use a normal alarm or even wake up at a reasonable time without an alarm, but my dentist is very happy so I will stick with the barcode (it does mean I can never change brand of toothpaste!)

You have too much stuff, it’s as simple as that. Declutter and your life will be transformed!

Charity shop unless you are skint or it's a high value item. Just get rid of stuff you don't need or want, it makes a massive difference.

Maybe I should be ruthless and forget selling anything! Yes - this is your problem. It's easy to see why the mess is piling up. You have a sofa in your hall that has become a dumping ground for loads of other clutter. It's literally setting the tone for your whole house. Someone who was genuinely intent on selling it would have taken photos while it was in situ, looking appealing and made sure it was picked up just before the new sofa arrived. Be honest - you are not going to sell it - call up a charity and see if it can be recycled that way or take it to the dump (often sofa companies will take away your old sofa and dispose of it for you, but you have obviously missed that window!) Apply this principle to all the other stuff your are holding onto in the vague hope that you might eventually get round to selling it. Take it to a charity shop or chuck it out. As for the rest of your stuff, clear up as you along - never leave a room empty handed, plates and cups should be either in the dishwasher or in the cupboard when they are not in use, have, have a tidy round of the bathroom while you're bathing the kids, when you get out of your car bring all your rubbish with you and put it straight in then bin. By clearing up as you go along you never have to dedicate time to tidying as such because you prevent the mess from clearing up in the first place. If you are thinking about people dropping in, then focus on the areas they will see to start with - keep the hallway clear, don't let clutter pile up in the living room/kitchen or whichever room you invite them into and make sure the loo is clean and the washbasin wiped.

Just put everything where it belongs when you've used it.
So, come into house and hang up.coat.
Car keys straight back into handbag.
Get ready for bed, put clothes in laundry or hang up those to be worn again.
Toys not being played with- back in toy box.
Dirty cup - straight into dishwasher, ready for everything to be washed after evening meal.

To be honest, I don't understand untidy people, because it's just so easy to do. I hate cleaning and rarely do it, but I can't sit down if something is not in it's rightful place.

Brilliantly put. That pretty much sums it up for me.

For most tidy people this is just the default setting. It’s not something they need to think about. I was raised in a tiny home and if you didn’t pick up after yourself or put something away instead of leaving it lying around, we’d have killed each other. Things needed to stay tidy for everyone to function in the same tiny space and be happy. It becomes automatic. At the end of the night I take my cup of tea or whatever to the kitchen before bed and wash it. It takes less than 2 minutes and I would do anything like this without even thinking about it, the same way I don’t have to think to brush my teeth. It’s just part of the day. If I ever did leave it, it’s one cup- there’s no other mess piling up to the point that we’d have to spend a whole day cleaning and tidying.

Something else I’ve noticed in friends of ours who complain that their 4, 5, 6 year olds can’t play independently is that they all have quite chaotic and messy homes. My 4 year old plays independently for hours and I think it helps that his home environment is very tidy and minimal. He has baskets where everything is organised so if he wants to play with his trains they’re very easy to pull out, play with, and tidy away by himself whenever he’s done. If he ever pulls all his toys out at once, it’s not overwhelming for him to tidy them up by himself. If every single thing was pulled out it would take him 5 minutes to tidy it.

@Lazygardener

I think we have different definitions of tidiness. The straightness of my cushions don’t factor into it. My family is very happy. Tidiness isn’t “important”, it’s just the way we live.

Our keys are put on hooks on our hallway btw.

For me personally, I find the strategies like "Don't put it down, put it away" and "Never leave a room empty handed" and "Only touch something once" all very stressful.

I feel like if I followed that I'd constantly need to be thinking about cleaning and I don't want to do that, I'd feel like I could never relax in my own home. I much prefer to make a mess and then clean it all up in one go later, and that's fine, it genuinely does work for me, BUT, it did take me a while to realise that while this approach can work for me, it only works if I do regularly have clean up cues/sessions in order to keep it all at a manageable level. It can all go a bit wrong if I am out of routine, if there is a particular event/worry which is sapping all my focus, or if things generally get all disorganised and out of system. e.g. I currently have 6 different cups on my desk because we had a party yesterday, and I hurriedly moved them here, though admittedly only 3 of them are actually from the party - the other three are from today.

I do a little bit of clean as you go, but I find it much better personally to create storage/systems which make this easy, rather than have this as a constant stressful demand.

deleted - accidentally posted twice.

My kids are very very happy. I’m also happy as I let them play then tidy up after them or ask them to help. It’s basic life. Also have full time job, do loads of fitness stuff, plenty of time for time with family friends having meals, drinks, holidays.. I live my life to the full. Won’t be any regrets on the deathbed. But then I enjoy keeping things tidy. It’s in my nature.

Literally only touching things once.

You grab ketchup from the cupboard, use it and place it back in the cupboard instead of right next to your plate.

You grab the bunch of leaflets that come through your door and walk straight to the recycling bin to chuck them in, instead of plopping them down on a side somewhere.

You take your clothes off and throw them straight into a laundry bin instead of onto the floor.

Etc. 😀

The combination of the entire thread of replies here sounds like you have ADHD (I am sure other people have mentioned this too).

Even if not ADHD though I think if you let it, everything can sort of pile up and overlap and make the next thing harder which then makes the next thing harder etc in an endless cycle and it makes it feel hard to address any one thing, but the reality is it doesn't really matter which thing you address as long as you pick one and make a real concentrated effort at it - partner too, ideally.

e.g. it's all cluttered and messy which means the kids can't play easily so they are demanding attention or you are stressed out by the environment and want to go out, it takes forever to find all the things you need to get out, so the kids are now whiny and fighting because they are bored/hungry, so you stop to make them some food which gets everyone more stir crazy, you realise that there isn't really food in for lunch which means they get something snacky/less than ideal and now you REALLY have to go out, but to the shop rather than somewhere they wanted to go. They are narky because they really needed a bit of a run before lunch and now don't want to be taken to a supermarket so you end up giving into whining for sweets/comics etc because you feel guilty, this makes them more likely to whine in future (which is exhausting) and on top of the non-ideal lunch it gives them a bit of a sugar crash, so they are difficult to direct home again even if it is via the park, they wind each other up or start playing too wildly, one gets hurt, you give up and decide to go home, everyone is so frazzled by the time you get home you just drop everything by the door and nobody has any energy to think about dinner/bath/bed let alone cleaning up - you feed the kids something from the supermarket shop, but then a child is needing a lot of input to go to sleep so that parent doesn't get much of an evening, ends up eating convenience food and stays up late on their phone after the other has gone to sleep. You don't have sex or even a conversation and might have argued about the state of the house or saying yes to the comic when you'd agreed to stop buying them or whatever it is.

Now it's the next morning and it's still cluttered and you're tired from staying up late and nothing changes because it's still all the same survival mode.

Some of that is unavoidable young child stuff, but some of it (e.g. parent relationship, budget, boundaries, diet, sleep, tidying, organisation/planning) is falling by the wayside because of the weight of all the other things on top of it, and it is truly hard to break out of those patterns. But trust me in picking one - it does help and I honestly don't think it matters which one you pick. Pick the one which feels most impactful, or the one which feels easiest. Just don't try to fix them all at once because that doesn't work.