To be fascinated by tidy people

The trick is - they don't have so much stuff. You can't clean clutter. You can;t even really tidy clutter. DH is a hoarder by nature - he hates throwing anything away. I am a hoarder by accident - I'd happily give up most of my stuff but I haven ADHD and get paralysed trying to work out if I should sell it, donate it, give it away, take it to the tip. I dream of owning about 10% of what is currently in our house.

I think it’s inbuilt. I literally could not bear to live in mess. It would make me feel so discombobulated (and even quite anxious) that I couldn’t consider living any way other than tidy. You obviously don’t have that same instinct. Which is ok. But if you want to be tidy you will need a different way to get there and simply be determined and disciplined - and make sure others in the family pull their weight. Don’t maybe need to start with a declutter?

I'm really tidy as I find it makes me feel peaceful and stable. It's also cause and effect - when you have to waste time looking for things it makes you stressed and irritable plus it wastes valuable time. I'm fascinated by people who live in a continual mess!

I agree it is hard to understand - my exMIL would always gasp at my tidy, organised space and wonder how I could do it - whereas I'd look at her mess and clutter and wonder why if she wanted it tidy, didn't she just tidy it up! Likewise my messy DD - if you don't want a mess, put each thing back when you've used it instead of just dropping it!

But this thread does help a bit to hear messy people's POV.

We need a Mounjaro for messiness.

The only way is to just do it sadly, if you see something lying around put it away if not needed, and keep doing this every time you spot something. Putting one or two things away is much quicker and less off putting than tidying a whole room where stuff has been allowed to accumulate. I had a big wheeled storage box in the living room for toys, chuck the toys in and wheel it to a corner or behind couch, don't chuck stuff on the floor as you come in, at least hang it up so it's off the floor. Remember it's much more pleasant to sit down in a tidy room, than trying to relax amongst clutter

The interesting thing about this thread is that there are people who try very hard to be tidy and find it an immense struggle, and others who are naturally tidy and don’t see it as any kind of onerous task at all.

I’m very tidy and it doesn’t occur to me as taking any work at all. Me and my family just don’t make mess to begin with. When I think of work I think of keeping on top of laundry, gardening, washing the car, and household chores like that. But tidiness just happens without any thought behind it.

It’s hard to see the messy person’s point of view. Mess is anathema to me.

I always put things away after I've used them and do the same for daughter who doesn't see mess. However, the floors, with a big dog and a cat that lies in leaves all the time, are another matter.

It is mostly putting stuff away.
But other ideas for you:
We get charity bags through the letterbox here. Try to make a habit to always put something in.
Because I need to hold the banister I have a stair basket- every time something needs to go upstairs/ downstairs it goes in the basket.
use things like underbed stores to store things like the bedding for a spare room in that room
If something has a hole in it and you know realistically you will not mend it throw it away.
Try to do an inventory- what jumpers you have, what colours- stops you buying more unnecessary stuff.
Try to organise a kids clothes swap thing - make it a party assign a value of 1 credit to each piece and give people a credit for each they bring.
Encourage relations not to give stuff, give vouchers
Start clearing an area that is not sentimental - like a garage, loft or shed then you have somewhere to put stuff when you start to sort the house.
Try a 1 in 1 out policy for stuff- do not buy your new outfit until you have sold something on ebay or vinted.

Never wait until later. It just builds up

At 1 and 3 it’s actually advantageous that both or one are contained. Ie if you say both use high chairs, just don’t take them out until clean. Leave in highchair, wipe hands and faces, sweep floor around, wipe tray or table. Only then remove child and do final wipe on seat part.

If happy in highchair give something clean like aqua draw or duplo at table after lunch so you have 5-10mins to load dishwasher, and anything else in kitchen.

3 prams in hallway? Did you really use all three on same day? I’m assuming it’s a main pram, double pram and travel one or something. You would usually only use one each day so store others elsewhere ie cupboard, on hook, in car. Then your down to maybe one pram only in hallway.

Always clean bathroom sink, mirrow or sort bathroom drawers when they bath. At this age you can’t leave bathroom anyway so it’s a productive use of 3 mins watching them not drown.

With small children I would aim to do as much as possible when they are awake so you can rest when they nap or sleep. When they wake from nap for example keep them trapped in their bedroom to play whilst you fold their laundry in their bedroom with them. Dust rooms, declutter etc when they are around not asleep. Just do 10 mins at a time.

But yes, too much stuff. The more clothing you have for example the longer you can leave laundry, the more it builds up, the more to wash and fold, the more it doesn’t fit in storage

Don’t make a mess. Come in hang up coat, put shoes in cupboard. Drink tea put cup in dishwasher. Clean kitchen whilst cooking. Get something out put it back.

Ah, this is your problem. Forget selling things just chuck it. I know it's awful but people just don't bother to buy second hand sofas etc. See if you can get bhf to take it away.

My house used to be a constant mess until lockdown when I started decluttering. I kept at it relentlessly until every single drawer, box, cupboard, shed, pile of paperwork had been genuinely sorted with decisions carried through then everything labelled. Since then there is a place for everything and it's always tidy. It took two years and was really difficult but worth it.

• How can you not be annoyed by the mess?

Sometimes I am, mostly I don't notice it unless I'm making a conscious effort to tidy up.

• How can you concentrate on work or a book or anything with debris around you?

I don't see how this would impact on concentration, even though I do believe people who say it does! To me though, unless the debris is between my eyes and the page of the book, or creating a nasty smell or something, it's not impacting on anything. I don't notice any difference in concentration in a tidy vs messy environment. Background noise bothers me much more.

• Do you not get fed up of stepping over stuff?

A bit, especially in the dark, but I was used to it so it didn't register most of the time.

• How can you actually clean if there are piles of crap everywhere?

You can't. It's very difficult to clean properly. That was something I didn't really understand until I reduced the amount of stuff I had.

• Why do you just not put piles of clothes away or sort them for charity?

I do this now, but previously I used to keep a lot of clothes I'd not wear because I thought I liked having more options. I do like having options, but I've found there is not much point in having loads of options that I keep rejecting for whatever reason.

• Why are you surprised people refuse invitations to come around to dinner after they have seen your kitchen?

This never happened to me 🤷🏼‍♀️ or I didn't notice if they made polite excuses, but TBH, I never used to invite people over for dinner when my house was a tip.

I am baffled by messy people- how can you not be annoyed by the mess? How can you concentrate on work or a book or anything with debris around you?

Fully agree with Breadcat.
There is just no need for mess.

Nobody would ever need to tidy up if they simply put things away every time they were used..

I thought it was even MORE important to keep on top of everything with young kids?

It's the time they entertain themselves, while you do the chore and keep the house tidy? Younger ones in a playpen if you need, pre-school tend to be very "helpful", one of mine was obsessed with the duster and use to dust everything to "help".

The bottom shelf of one my kitchen cabinet had all the tupperware, perfect for one to spend time with, leaving me peace to do everything else. Took a minute to put all the tupperware back in properly

I am baffled by messy people- how can you not be annoyed by the mess? How can you concentrate on work or a book or anything with debris around you?
Do you not get fed up of stepping over stuff?
How can you actually clean if there are piles of crap everywhere?
Why do you just not put piles of clothes away or sort them for charity?
Why are you surprised people refuse invitations to come around to dinner after they have seen your kitchen?
Do not put it down put it away! Wipe up spills. Have a big bin.
Tidy the kitchen before you go to bed.
The floor of the hall is not a legitimate storage area. If necessary get a rack or cupboard
If you really have so much debris get something like this for each room- a place where you put the mess to get it out of the way during the week then sort it at the weekend
Lyon Pouffe - Speckled Sand Boucle – DUSK

I don't think I said anyone was lazy? That's how I keep on top of everything and I thought that was the point of the thread.

And if that works for you then that's brilliant. None of us can want more than a lifestyle that protects our wellbeing.

But at the same time hopefully you can see that this wouldn't work for everyone and someone having the temerity to sleep in until 6am before working full-time and looking after kids isn't lazy or dirty or slovenly. Wanting to sleep or sit down or have a rest doesn't make you less than even if that means a letter is on a table in the hall or there are crumbs on the floor.

I have said this on here before, since my children were born (18 & 15 now) I have been getting up at 4.45am and doing 90% of household chores before I go to work (I have worked full time since the first child was 6 months old). This includes but is not limited to:-
Full spary down and wipe of all kitchen surfaces, load/empty dishwasher.
Hoover.
Clean bathroom (minimum sink and toilet, other surfaces if there is time.)
Bigger jobs done over a couple of hours at the weekend.
I also have time to shower, do my hair and makeup before starting work at 8am!
I do not sit down until the things I deem necessary have been done, there would be no point as I couldn't relax in a mess.

I was way more tidy with 2 kids under 5, as it was a lot easier. I was on the sofa evening no later than 8 and the house was spotless.

Now they are older the mess they make is huge, there is a lot more washing, bigger bags, more activities, more stuff in general, and they cook and make snacks.

If I go into my bedroom for something I make sure I put away one thing-sort of nibbles away at the heap. When I hoover and dust (once a week or so) everything gets tidies up. Takes 10 minutes max.

When I had three boys at home I used a laundry basket kept at the bottom of the stairs. If it belonged upstairs in the basket it went. What annoyed me was the lengths my four males did to avoid carrying it up for me. They'd walk round it, climb over it and swear they hadn't noticed it 🙄

Because living in a mess is not relaxing. How people relax in messy and especially unclean surroundings is also hard to fathom.

I don't know if your kids went to bed very early or you get home from work early but it's not achievable for most people who work and have young kids to be sat down with everything done at 7:30pm. That's not something that can be changed by being slightly more efficient with sweeping crumbs or filing a letter either. You'd need a time machine to make that timeline work.