To be fuming DH left our 8yo to supervise the baby while he mowed the lawn??

But it could have been and I'm shocked that posters are ignoring that fact.

YANBU and I'm so glad that the worst that happened was toddler being drawn on.
This could have had a very bad ending.

Your daughter is lying to try and get out of trouble. Similar age gap between me and my brother and I didn’t do this to him when I had to watch him for a few minutes. She was naughty, not helpful and she knows she was in the wrong. Your husband didn’t do anything wrong.

So do you think it’s okay to mow the lawn as the OP’s DH did or not? I’m clear on your thoughts re: the shower.

The OP does the exact same thing when she disappears to shower and leaves her kids unattended. I assume you're just as scornful over her behaviour?

And OP should parent her 8yo as well and not leave them unattended when she showers

This! My son is 8 and is a TOTAL clumsy plonker but if he would know to not “play schools” with a baby and treat another human that way.

I mean, a shower is a shower no matter your home or hearing. If you have your head under water and are washing your hair, you're not going to be able to hear a 16 month old choke, or fall - nor are you going to be aware of an 8yo drawing all over them with biro.

I'd also argue that it's going to take someone in the shower longer to get to an emergency than someone fully dressed who is just mowing the lawn.

I think you should leave off here with DH and ask him to parent his 8 year old so she doesn’t do it again.

They usually dump their children on their Mum/Sister. Their primary aged child is a new one. A eight year old doesn't have the capabilities to safely look after a toddler. How many eye/throat/mouth injuries happen because a toddler gets hold of a pen? The eight year old did behave badly, but she should never have been given the opportunity to.

This is a better shout though, re: shower, so OP and her DH should both make some changes.

Surely depends on your individual home, shower, hearing etc…?

I think he shouldn't have left 16 month old with 8 year old - I don't think you should either when you go for a shower, I used to bring my baby/toddler into the bathroom with me, and she could play with toys while I had a shower. Let your DH know that neither of you leave the baby, unless safe in her cot.

Your 8 year old was very badly behaved to draw all over the baby, she's old enough to know better, and you know you can't trust her alone with the baby.

I guess I just don't think you can be "in earshot" and in the shower at the same time.

If OP was just in another room cooking, or going for a wee, or popping clothes away - fair enough, but IMO you can't argue that you're "in earshot" of a toddler while simultaneously being occupied in the shower

What I can’t get past is DH knowing what she’s like and still leaving her with that responsibility. It was literally 10 minutes until I got home with the shopping.

What is she like then? What haven’t you included in the OP because overwhelmingly from this thread alone you can tell that the majority of people have or have had eight year old’s who are perfectly fine with being alone with a toddler. Neither are babies and schools around here allow nine year olds and upwards to walk to and from school alone.

As you say, it was literally 10 minutes. You are doing your child a massive disservice by not supporting them to act, behave, and be responsible like their peers.

The issue is that you have different parenting expectations to the majority of people. If you trust your DH to look after his children, then he looks after them as he sees fit. And how he sees fit is in line with the overwhelming majority of posters here.

Okay. I think unsupervised within ear shot and very close by is different personally but if you think its equivalent to the end of the garden unable to hear or see anything then fair enough.

OP regularly leaves her kids alone while she showers, though, which is fairly noisy in itself and she would be equally oblivious if her toddler choked or her 8yo got a biro out and started scribbling everywhere.

This is funny, and no harm no foul

So your DH needed to look after the baby for 10/15 mins and he decided to delegate that to an 8 yo?

So he could get his job of mowing the lawn done in that time, and then presumably he expected to be able to relax?

YANBU OP.

I sometimes find responses on MN really odd. Yes it’s not the end of the world to let an 8 yo mind a baby for a short time, but I wouldn’t leave them alone whilst doing a noisy job like mowing the lawn, and also not if the other parent was only out for a short time. A SAHP asking the 8 yo to keep an eye on the baby in the same room/ room that could be seen and heard whilst they just got the dinner on I can understand.

I guess my point was that (IMO) OP is being a massive hypocrite by regularly leaving her kids unsupervised while she showers, but objecting to her DH doing it once while he mows the lawn.

Either it's okay for them to be left unattended or its' not. She can't do it herself while kicking up a fuss at her DH doing it.

But OP regularly leaves her 8yo "in charge" while she showers. |

It depends on where they are left and what’s within reach of the 16 month old I suppose? I think it’s possible to secure an area so that choking isn’t a risk. Mainly was saying leaving them alone to cut the grass is unreasonable anyway rather than particularly advocating for leaving them alone to shower.

I think DH should have waited until I got back. It wasn’t urgent to mow the lawn right at that moment. That’s what frustrates me most. He just doesn’t think these things through and then I’m left being “the nag” for pointing it out.

I can’t believe how many posters are dismissing this and missing the point. An 8 year old is NOT responsible enough to look after a baby - as demonstrated here! It’s almost as if he couldn’t stand to look after the baby for even ten minutes so he delegated the task to the nearest female, even though she’s only 8!

OP says she regularly leaves her kids unattended while she showers - so I assume you feel the same way about her as you do about her husband?

After all, a shower can wait, no?

Similar to the age gap between my middle and youngest and I’ve left mine to watch his brother at similar ages whilst I’ve hung out washing, showered and cut the front lawn. All probably 10 minute jobs where I am within earshot and at no time did my middle child allow my smallest to do anything remotely silly.
An 8 year old is definitely old enough to keep an eye on a 16 month old when their parent is doing something not in eye shot.