To be fuming DH left our 8yo to supervise the baby while he mowed the lawn??

Well we're never going to agree on that are we. However the fact you're more concerned about the hypocrisy than the safety of baby left in the care of an 8yo speaks volumes.

It sounds like the OP is the one who does all the childcare and is therefore the one who should be deciding when her daughter is old enough and responsible enough to mind the baby, and what circumstances.

People will do ANYTHING but expect men just do what they're fucking asked.

An 8 year old drawing all over the baby is unacceptable. I would expectych better behaviour from a child of that age. I would also be completely unmoved by an explanation of teaching them letters. Er no. Having said that I'd also take a dim view of husband leaving them to their own devices especially with pens around.

As a single parent of dc with a 3 year age gap( mine was left to watch the baby far younger than 8. We did have a make up incident once but again, way before that age where I’d definitely have expected better. We don’t think dh was especially unreasonable although I guess it could have waited where as I had to just get on with things. Still not a massive deal though. Just be glad it was the baby and not the cream leather sofa as I once had. Getting biro out a sofa is no mean feat 😆

This. It's a fucking disgrace seeing people holding an 8 year old to a high standard and a father to no standard at all. Wonder if it would be different if it was a wee boy who drew all over his sibling. Probably more flexibility there in terms of expectations.

Yes - because she leaves them unattended too and therefore being just as responsible (or irresponsible) as he is.

Lashing out? By expecting her dh to act like a responsible adult? Gosh how terrible of her.

I agree with you that it’s not at all the same as popping in the shower for a few minutes (and I’m actually quite laid back as a parent - I’m definitely not a helicopter parent!)

Also:
“Still think mowing the lawn could have waited. That’s the part that feels so needless. It makes me feel like he just didn’t want to actually sit with them and found a reason to busy himself elsewhere.”

This is exactly what I was thinking - he couldn’t be bothered to actually spend time with and be responsible for the children for just 10/15/20 minutes, so he found himself a ‘legitimate job’ to do. Something where he can’t be interrupted by the children and he has off-loaded the responsibility onto a child, taken himself off outside and put ear-defenders on. It is a non-essential task but one that, in his mind at least, makes him beyond criticism because he wasn’t just on his phone/watching TV/at the pub just up the road. If this is a one-off, he’s been a bit of a prat, but I suspect this is just the tip of the iceberg in terms of his attitude to the care of the children and whose responsibility he thinks they are.

Well, I personally think it's luck - and I also think she's had a shock to see her toddler covered in biro and is now lashing out because of it.

If a mum posted she went outside to mow the lawn and left her 16mo under the care of an 8yo who then scribbled all over the baby she'd be ripped to shreds so yes, it is double standards and misogynistic.

Why did you even bother asking OP? Since you're so convinced that you're right?

I didn't mention baby gates. Is it luck, or is that the risk is far smaller? I think anyone with any common sense knows it's the latter.

Those comparing it to the OP showering - yes - you probably wouldn’t be able to hear from the shower. But people do need showers and sometimes mothers need showers when the father is not in the house. The OP has to find a safe way to do that.

What the OP’s DH has done is different though. Mowing the lawn needs to be done about once a week if that. This was a day when both parents were going to be home all day by the sound of it. The OP asked her DH to look after the kids for 10 minutes while she went to the shop.

He couldn’t even do that - 10 minutes. It would have made no difference to mow the lawn 15 minutes later when his wife was back, but no. She asked him to be fully responsible for his kids for 10 minutes and he immediately went outside and left them alone when he couldn’t see or hear them.

I think he actually may want the OP to come to the conclusion that he can’t be trusted to look after the kids on his own and then she will never ask him again. Job done.

Totally double standards isn’t it but like you say people ignore that. Some like to just have a go at men regardless of if he’s wrong or right

Yep, but that's just luck, not some kind of weird skill on OP's part.

8yo's can easily climb baby gates or open them. Using one isn't some kind magic cure to keeping older children safe.

Yet it hasn't.....

Would she? Because we have a baby gate less than two metres from our bathroom and I most definitely can't hear it being opened and closed while I'm in the shower.

An 8yo can also easily climb over a baby gate.

Most preschoolers can climb a baby gate, they don’t even need to open it.

If an eight year old needs to be contained in a safety proof area with baby gates, then they aren’t going to be able to be compared to any other child of a similar age for what is reasonable behaviour. It’s absolutely not normal for eight year olds to need to be restricted in such a manner.

And OP would hear the baby gate opening.

He couldn't HEAR a thing!
And he wasn't even in the house!

So it’s not a problem for an 8 year old to look after a baby for 15 minutes, but your issue is “where did they find a pen?”

My kids would definitely have had access to pens way before they were left in charge of a baby!

Totally different scenario if parent leaves both kids in a room for a shower / hanging washing up etc that they know is safe- baby gate , no pens or bits laying around

An 8yo can easily open a baby gate and go and get a pen if they want.

That's obvious to me but unfortunately not to many on this thread.

Crazy....

OP may not leave them as long each time, but she clearly leaves them more often than her DH does - so I'd say the risk was pretty equal, overall.

I just think she's being a hypocrite - she's angry at her DH because she came home to find her toddler covered in biro and being supervised by an 8yo, but she regularly leaves the same children alone to shower. An 8yo is more than capable of wandering off, getting biros from a drawer or cupboard and using them even if they're not left out.

I suspect she may have realised that what she does herself isn't risk-free and is reacting the way she is because of that. This could just as easily have happened under her own care.

I came here to say this. If there were Biros around it could have been a lot worse… an adult knows to take a girl off a clambering toddler , in case they slip and fall in it etc.

Even a responsible 8 year old shouldn’t be responsible for safeguarding a very young child or in charge of preventing risk for younger children. It’s too much responsibility if something out of the ordinary happens. They simply can’t risk assess/respond to risk like an adult or much older child can.

i think what’s unreasonable is that hubby left them together in a room he didn’t ‘baby proof’ first, to minimise risk of nasty accidents for the toddler while he wasn’t there to swoop in if needed.

Totally different scenario if parent leaves both kids in a room for a shower / hanging washing up etc that they know is safe- baby gate , no pens or bits laying around… and the 8 year old is a responsible 8 year old (and won’t draw on the toddler for example) and would just be playing with them/ shout for parent if they fall over etc .

Because she can hear them much more easily and it's no where near as long so the risk of harm is dramatically reduced. I'm also assuming she wouldn't leave pens out as she specifically mentioned this as being the choking hazard her dh had left them with.

a child can choke on anything any time their parents back is turned. No one's advocating for 24/7 eyes glued on supervision but it's fairly obvious the longer you leave them, the further away you are, the more noise there is, the higher the risk of harm.