To be fuming DH left our 8yo to supervise the baby while he mowed the lawn??

I’d be furious with the 8 year old - old enough to know better. DH however, did nothing wrong. He was in the back garden.

Does your 8 year old have SEN? Because if they do then your husband was definitely unreasonable to leave them in charge of baby.

Not really.

My 6 year old would know not to draw on a younger child. Your 8 year old as pointed out is the real issue here.

I suppose it depends on if you can trust them

My 9 year kept an eye on her baby sibling for me to shower

No way! I would be fuming too. I don’t understand why so many are saying this is okay.

No way I would leave my baby at that age without an adult. It only takes a second for something bad to happen to them and an 8 years old in an emergency situation wouldn’t necessarily act quickly or appropriately.

My twins are 7.5yrs olds, and I can't imagine leaving them with an 18 months old to go and do gardening – they are not responsible enough at all. But maybe people with sibling children of those ages have a different perspective on that.

I don't think anyone is blaming your 8yr old – of course she does not bear the responsibility of an adult. I think they are just pointing out it's a really odd thing for an 8yr old to do. Not even my 7yr old irresponsible twins would do that.

op with all due respect how do you think single parents manage to do anything around the house/garden?
Your overreacting.

You people love to intellectualise foolishness 😂

One is inside the house.
One is outside the house.

Quite a big difference

In the shower with loud water falling around you, behind a shower curtain and in another room....

Not much difference imo

Mowing the lawn loudly in the garden takes more than 15 mins! The point is that you asked him to supervise them and he immediately bowed out and delegated to the 8yo. It's not being able to trust your DH to follow through

Mowing the lawn with hearing completely blocked, out of sight, is borderline neglect in my opinion.
Or stupidity?

Yes, I agree. But OP seems to think mowing the lawn is borderline neglect whereas her disappearing for a shower is totally acceptable.

Either both are fine or neither are fine. But she can’t regularly leave her kids to shower and then complain when her husband leaves them to mow the lawn 🤷‍♀️

And mowing the lawn can wait ten minutes

OP, I understand your concerns but your 8 year old writing on the baby is shocking, not normal at all.
Really bratty behaviour and certainly not the behaviour of a child that could be left alone for 5 minutes.
Not normal.
Talk to your husband for sure, but the huge issue is your 8 year old writing on the baby.

I think there are many 8 year olds capable of keeping an eye on a 16 month old while you are pottering around doing jobs etc.

Showering can easily wait until the kids are in bed.

She is leaving the 8yo in charge because she’s occupied elsewhere - and she definitely can’t just pop her head in to check on them if she’s in the shower.

I’m not sure being in the same building means much - if I’m in my living room I’m only a few metres away from my garden - it’s no different to being in the room next door.

As you were only gone for ten minutes and he hadn’t started to cut the grass when you were still there he was probably only away from them for 5 minutes and expected you back. I agree that 16 months is not a baby.

Anything can happen when an adult is with a child, and there is no way to dress it up it is not normal for an 8 year to think they are helping by drawing on a child

How many accidents in hospital were there of children being ''supervised'' by parents, and you can justify the fact you think a shower is different but things happen when parents are in the shower, mowing the lawn, using the toilet, cooking or doing any number of things

all this seems to be is a case of you thinking you are better than him, sure be as angry as you like at him I do not think he did anything wrong but I would be working out why an 8 year did this first

She'd have gone to get her dad. My 8 year okds would all have been capable of being alone with a toddler and calling me if there was a problem. And none of them would draw on anything but paper by that age.

Like a PP said I assumed the 16mth old had drawn on themselves

YANBU. I’d be furious with him too.

I also noted that there was an implication OP was out longer

Which makes me wonder if she was out longer than expected for some reason she now feels extra guilty about because if she had been the expected 10 minutes then there wouldn't have been a problem and so she's lashing out and doubling down to try and assuage that guilt

Yanbu. He could have waited for you to get back, and like you say he would not have heard anything if there was a real issue. I'd also be really annoyed at the 8 year old for drawing on the baby