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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be fuming DH left our 8yo to supervise the baby while he mowed the lawn??

466 replies

Erisheck · 25/08/2025 13:35

So I popped to the shop earlier, only meant to be ten mins. Left DH at home with DCs.

Come back to find DH out the back mowing the lawn, all very pleased with himself. Meanwhile he had apparently told our 8yo DD to “keep an eye on” the baby while he did it. Baby is 16 months.

I walked in to find baby in the living room COVERED in biro scribbles. Face, arms, even a bit on her sleepsuit. DD said she was “playing schools” and DH thinks it is hilarious.

I do not. I am SO angry. Yes baby is fine but that is not the point. What if she had choked on a pen lid. What if she had fallen. An 8yo is a CHILD not a babysitter.

DH is saying I am overreacting and that it was “only 15 minutes.” I think he has lost his mind.

AIBU to be this furious?

OP posts:
NoThanksNeeded · 26/08/2025 18:51

Boomer55 · 26/08/2025 16:24

Daft isn’t it?🙄🤷‍♀️

Show quote history

Honestly some of the replies would have you believe he abandoned the children in a pit for several hours with the older one expected to cook, clean and wash the younger one and no idea when someone would return to them...

NoThanksNeeded · 26/08/2025 18:48

Petitchat · 26/08/2025 16:07

No matter how much you try to deflect, it was dangerous and risky.
Not a risk I or any parent I know, would take.

Edited
Show quote history

It was as risky as leaving them to shower

It's as risky as many other basic things in life

And as shown here, it's a risk many parents WOULD take

youngmum2000 · 26/08/2025 18:38

I looked after my younger brother all the time from the age of 9. He was born when I had just turned 9 and I cared for him from a newborn. I don’t think it was unreasonable of your husband to, it’s not like he left the property. 8yo should know better than to let baby scribble everywhere

Sharptonguedwoman · 26/08/2025 18:15

YABU at under 8 I was sent out to walk my DB round the green in his pram. An 8yr old should have a reasonable idea what to do.

LeesLady72 · 26/08/2025 18:06

Your story changes several times. Did your DH have headphones or ear defenders on? Who wears ear defenders for a normal domestic mower? You said it’s no different to when you nip upstairs for a shower, then you said your children are always upstairs when you shower and you’re only steps away. Weirdly inconsistent.
Your 8 y/o should have known better than to draw on the baby, that’s appalling behaviour.

Rewis · 26/08/2025 17:59

I know lots of people on AIBU like to be performatively laid back,

Parenting on MN is anything but laid back.

OverTheWater28 · 26/08/2025 17:36

Your 8 year old is the issue here not your DH

Pdam · 26/08/2025 16:56

I'd be more concerned at your 8 year old's behaviour, I have a (only just turned) 8 year old, this isn't the behaviour of a child that age, even my 4 year old wouldn't do this.

Your husband was fine to mow the lawn, unless you own 30 acres I imagine your garden is right outside your back door.

loulouljh · 26/08/2025 16:54

Husband was there though..I would be ok with that but not ok with child who should know better drawing on the baby

WhichPage · 26/08/2025 16:36

He was not being a very responsible parent, personified by your biro covered baby should anyone be in doubt.

If he makes such decisions then you can not leave him to make such decisions can you which leaves you solo parenting.

Is he trying to make a point to you that you don’t do enough while also watching kids I wonder..,,,

Plus getting a quick shower is different in that it needs to be done, is quick, is close to kids and safe for them to get to you as well as possible for you to get to them.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 26/08/2025 16:32

Just to add, DH's task was to look after baby whilst you were out.. not do the gardening outside the house instead.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 26/08/2025 16:31

splendidpickle · 25/08/2025 13:41

I know lots of people on AIBU like to be performatively laid back, but you can't leave an 8 year old to look after a baby while you're outside and completely incapable of hearing any shouts if there's a problem!
Maybe to leave them alone while you're doing something in the house is one thing, but this is not that.

That's true. He wasn't in hearing distance... and even then he had the lawn mower going. I don't think the 8 year old was being very friendly towards the baby. They would not have liked or allowed someone to draw all over them with a biro..so they knew what they were up to.

Hairshare · 26/08/2025 16:30

Parents should not have to literally have their eyes on their children for every moment of the day. DH was only in the garden and would have rushed in if anything went wrong. Eight isn't too young to be watching a toddler with a parent close by.
DD's behaviour was very disappointing for her age, and hopefully you'll be able to make her see how wrong it is to draw on a defenceless child.

Devilsmommy · 26/08/2025 16:28

OhHellolittleone · 25/08/2025 13:49

We have a very open plan downstairs but if I’m washing up my back is the the front room/play area. I will ask my 3 year old to tell me if baby crawls off mat towards the pram (the only thing I need him to stay away from!) I turn round frequently, of course, but trust my 3 year old to call me and she does… your 8 year old should be able to be in a safe room with baby alone and call dad if necessary…

Id happily leave my baby to be supervised in the play room at my in laws with cousins 8 and 10. I’m in shouting distance, as is your husband.

But it's not shouting distance is it if a lawnmower is going? No way would I do a noisy job and hope an 8 year old could watch a 16 month old. If it's a job where you can hear what's going on then fine but not lawnmowing

BrickBiscuit · 26/08/2025 16:26

YANBU. A 16-month-old should only be without adult supervision for the minimum possible time. Lawnmowing is not essential, and should not contribute to that time.

Boomer55 · 26/08/2025 16:24

NoThanksNeeded · 26/08/2025 16:03

Your argument about leaving them is about not hearing them

For deaf parents, they can't hear their child. Do you expect them to stand and watch them none stop every hour of the day?

It was left alone for 10 minutes to play whilst Dad was outside, not left to feed and bathe the toddler whilst Dad went to the pub!

Show quote history

Daft isn’t it?🙄🤷‍♀️

Boomer55 · 26/08/2025 16:22

10 mins? Yes, your u year old should have managed without drawing on your baby.

Your DH did nothing wrong.

ChopsyHatesFungus · 26/08/2025 16:07

Worktillate · 25/08/2025 15:29

OP - AIBU?

MN - Yes you are, but you have a different issue to address here

OP - No I don't and I'm NBU

MN - Yes you do and yes you are

OP - No I don't, it's different when I do it. Time moves differently when I'm in the shower to when DH is in the garden so it doesn't matter that it only takes a milisecond for something to go wrong, I can sort it

MN - but what about the other issue you have to address here?

OP - I don't have one, it's still DH in the wrong

🙄🙄🙄

Plenty of us agree with the OP, maybe 50%, so it’s hardly a blanket MN says YABU?

Or is this like Brexit where the 1% suddenly becomes a decisive majority?

Petitchat · 26/08/2025 16:07

NoThanksNeeded · 26/08/2025 16:03

Your argument about leaving them is about not hearing them

For deaf parents, they can't hear their child. Do you expect them to stand and watch them none stop every hour of the day?

It was left alone for 10 minutes to play whilst Dad was outside, not left to feed and bathe the toddler whilst Dad went to the pub!

Show quote history

No matter how much you try to deflect, it was dangerous and risky.
Not a risk I or any parent I know, would take.

NoThanksNeeded · 26/08/2025 16:04

No wonder young people can't do anything for themselves...

NoThanksNeeded · 26/08/2025 16:03

Petitchat · 26/08/2025 15:50

And I bet they don't go out into the garden leaving the child to parent a toddler.

There's just no excuse for this.

Show quote history

Your argument about leaving them is about not hearing them

For deaf parents, they can't hear their child. Do you expect them to stand and watch them none stop every hour of the day?

It was left alone for 10 minutes to play whilst Dad was outside, not left to feed and bathe the toddler whilst Dad went to the pub!

Rewis · 26/08/2025 16:01

Asking an 8yo to look after their sibling whole you perform a short task around the house is no big deal. Clearly in this case the 8yo was not up to the task, but in general it is fine.

BlueberryFlapjack · 26/08/2025 15:51

Haven’t read the whole thread, but a lot of these replies are batshit OP. My dad picked his baby sister up from nursery on the bus when he was eight, and they both survived, but that doesn’t mean it was sensible. It was different times, and it was essential, because his mum and dad both worked so what else could they do? This was not essential. I would’ve been just as angry as you. Why risk it? If anything had happened your 8-year-old would carry that for the rest of her life. Utter madness.

Petitchat · 26/08/2025 15:50

NoThanksNeeded · 26/08/2025 15:48

Some couples are both deaf...

Show quote history

And I bet they don't go out into the garden leaving the child to parent a toddler.

There's just no excuse for this.

NoThanksNeeded · 26/08/2025 15:50

The 8 year old wasn't parenting or in charge etc

It was at most going to ve 10 minutes

They were literally just left to play together

It's not like OP was out and DH decided he had to go to the shops half an hour away and left them. 8 year old wasn't having to prepare dinner or bath them or be solely responsible with no adults around at all