To be fuming DH left our 8yo to supervise the baby while he mowed the lawn??

Our washing machine's spin cycle is loud enough to drown out shouting, and so is the kettle if I'm stood right next to it.

OP also says she disappears off for a shower and leaves her 8yo "in charge" - if that's acceptable, then so is her DH going off to mow the lawn. I mean, I wouldn't hear someone yelling if I was in the shower, especially if my head was under the water and I was washing my hair.

Not much point on posting to AIBU if you've already decided.

I have a 15 month old and a 6, almost 7 year old. When my DH is at work, my DS keeps an eye on his baby sister whilst I shower with the door open. Everyone is upstairs, and she toddles around happily playing with or around my son.
He has NEVER felt the need to scribble on his sister. He's amazing and keeps her entertained or will play with his toys whilst keeping a close eye on her. However, I always shut my bedroom door and there are no choking hazards in either of the kids' rooms at this point. My son only gets smaller toys out when his door is closed and his sister is shut out.

Your daughter has misbehaved imo.

I wouldn’t leave an 8 year old in charge of a baby at all.
8 year old should know better than to draw on a baby
your dh is an arse. He’s probably hoping if he parents poorly less will be expected of him

If you leave your 8-year-old with the baby while you're in the shower (where you won't be able to hear much and won't be able to race downstairs quickly) then I don't think you can blame your husband. It's clear that you've trusted the 8-year-old to behave when alone with the baby in the past. So what's with the biro treatment now?

It's natural to panic a bit when seeing the baby covered in ink. I hope once you've got things sorted out and the scribbles removed, you'll calm down and see that you need to be just as annoyed with your daughter (barring learning difficulties, an 8-year-old will know that it's not acceptable to scribble on a baby) as your husband.

Then you shouldn’t leave them while you have a shower.

at 8 your child knows that the only place to draw is on paper. She did not think that was helping. Unless she draws all over her classmates in school?

Shocked at how many people think it's fine to leave an 8 year old in charge of a toddler with no adult in the house! I'd be furious with him, why couldn't he wait until you got back from the shops?! He'd not have heard if either of the kids got into difficulty in the house would he while he was out in the garden while the lawnmower was on. They were completely out of his range of hearing and sight.

I disagree with the majority that said it was fine to leave 8yo to supervise the baby. And 'keep an eye on' is such a vague instruction to leave the child.

An 8 year old won't be savvy to all the potential dangers to a 16 month old.

I'm all for risk aware over risk adverse, but DH couldn't defer cutting the grass for 10 minutes?

My Late BF was cooking entire Sunday dinners at 8yo. If your 8 year old can’t watch a 16m old while Dad mows the lawn there’s something wrong imo.

I was getting my wee brothers up and ready for school at 9.

Your 8 year old should have known better than to draw all over the baby.

How’s it any different to you having a shower?

You are totally over the top. And the fact that you arent concerned your 8yr old is drawing all over the baby is very weird.

I don't see this as any different to you popping up for a shower. How noisy is your mower?!

You should be able to trust an 8 year old to keep an eye on a toddler for a few mins while a parent does a task in the house or garden.

Why are you NOT cross with your 8 year old? They've misbehaved atrociously

Mine was more than fine to watch his toddler sibling for a few minutes at 8yo. Certainly would have known better than to draw (or let the toddler draw) everywhere. But it's only a bit of pen, not the end of the world, will wash off.
I'm assuming a normal suburban garden, in which case should be pretty easy to flag dad down for help....
But if DH knows your 8yo isn't capable of this, he shouldn't have left them together.
Nobody needs to be "fuming" with anyone though...

i think you’ve got your anger the wrong way round. DH was fine. DD8 should definitely have known better.

I am somewhere in the middle here, because I wouldn't mow the garden if I was the only adult at home with 2 children of these ages, I'd pick an indoor job and wait the 15mins for you to come home then mow the lawn. Or perhaps take the kids out in the garden with me. I wouldn't leave an 8 year old in charge of a toddler for any length of time. That said, I'd be fuming with the 8 year old. I have always said kids shouldn't get in trouble for things that would not have happened had they been adequately supervised by an adult, but even my 3 year old knows better than to draw all over his baby sibling with a biro.

only a vacuum cleaner is loud enough for that. A WM would be only if you were right next to it.

Children can freeze if they panic, freeze and scream, so you should not assume they will run for help. I have seen grown adults freeze still in an emergency situation, instead of running for life saving help. So you certainly shouldn’t assume a child will be capable of this.

Your 8 year old is the problem here but you don’t see it

Thanks all for replies. Just to be clear I am not blaming DD at all. She is 8 and did what she thought was “helping.” I’m angry at DH for putting her in that position.

Umm, I would absolutely be blaming your DD. She is 8 years old and more than old enough to know better than to behave like that.

I think your over the top being this cross with your DH and under playing your 8 yo doing what she did.

At the end of the day - it’s fine, everyone’s fine.

He keeps saying it’s no different to me nipping upstairs for a shower. IT IS. If I shower I can still hear what’s going on and I’m not outside with a noisy mower!!

so you can hear an 8 year old drawing on the baby while having a shower? I doubt it…nor would you hear choking tbh.

Yes you are being over the top. It’s perfectly normal in large families for the older ones to keep an eye on the younger ones. Your DH was a few meters away. The 8 year old knows better than to behave like that … but no long term harm done.

You can’t cotton wool your kids based on a scenario that most probably won’t happen.

I’m the youngest of 6, we have great stories of the stuff that happened when the older ones were left in charge.

You can hear a child play with pens while you are in the shower? Doubt that very much.

If you need to pop into another room, you could probably hear what a 16 month old is up to. The dad was outside with the lawn mower on, it takes a lot longer than 2 minutes to get the mower out and mow the lawn. The noise of it would drown out any shouts for help from the 8yo. Bearing in mind, you don’t know how big the garden may be, it could likely be a lot further than one room away

It sounds like mum wasn’t going to be gone for long so why not just wait until she returns?

Different children have different levels of maturity, however from the sound of what happened, the Dad should have been aware that his 8yo was not ready to keep an eye on their sibling alone