To be fuming DH left our 8yo to supervise the baby while he mowed the lawn??

I'd be more worried about the 8 year old rather than the baby or DH...

I think your argument that leaving them whilst you shower isn't really valid as the baby could fall during this time. You said you can hear them whilst you're in the shower but toddler could still fall or find an object to injure herself with or choke on that your 8 year old has left lying around.

I agree with many others that your 8 year old did wrong and not your DH though I would have expected him to check in on them a couple of times.

I think that you should have higher expectations of your dd tbh. 9 year olds here walk to school without a parent and play out (I know that your dd is 8 but she’s turning 9 this school year) Kids do silly things like this but they know that you use pens on paper and not on other people.
Playing with the baby is a helpful thing to do and I disagree that going to shower is any better than mowing the lawn (how would you possible hear them drawing on each other?)

I think if your DD hadn't done the scribbling thing then you would be none the wiser and DH would have been off the hook.
Did he not know that your DD was incapable of just watching their baby sibling like most children this age are ? That's the main question, he should have been aware that she wasn't mature enough.

I just don’t think an 8yo should ever be left in sole charge of a toddler, even for 10 mins. That’s my hill on this one.

So why bother asking?

And why are you not fuming at your daughter? It's bloody obvious to everyone else that eight year olds do not draw everywhere, particularly on their siblings! Thought she was being helpful, my arse!

Going for a shower and leaving the 8yr old in charge for that isn’t great either.

@Erisheck obviously you are angry, but you must be able to see that the majority of people on this thread think your DH did nothing wrong. So your anger is because your DH didn’t live up to what you see as good parenting, rather than that he fell below a generally accepted standard of good parenting and was objectively negligent.

Fine for parents to disagree on this stuff, but it’s clear his decision was within the bounds of “normal.”

Pp saying an 8 ye old should be able to look after a baby for a few minutes - it was more than a few minutes though, the DH was also using a lawn mower which presumably would drown out any calls or shouts for his attention.

Op I agree with you, yanbu, DH should have waited 15 mins for you to return and actually spent time parenting.

Your 8-year-old sounds odd. What kind of 8-year-old draws on a baby thinking they are "helping"?! Wtf?! She's 8, not 2! Your anger is misplaced. Address your 8-year1old's behaviour. It's not normal!

Your baby, and 8 year old had a lucky escape

From what? The dangers of family life in a british suburban home?

clutches pearls

You seem determined to figuratively die on ‘your hill’ so I’m not sure why you bothered asking for opinions - all of the ones pointing out that actually your DDs behaviour is weird just don’t seem acceptable to you.

My 8 year old cooks porridge in the microwave for his little sister. I can't imagine him drawing with a biro on a toddler!! He was left in another room with our friend's toddler a couple of months back at a family party and he just read her a story and played peekaboo with her and she laughed so hard she did a poo.

So basically you have dismissed all the people saying that your DD shouldn't have drawn all over their sibling and continue to just be mad at your DH. Why bother even asking for other points of view if you just see your own and are not listening to those saying your DD shouldn't have done that? 🙄Have you spoken to your DD about what she did or is she just going to be allowed to get away with it? Honestly an 8 year old doing that is wrong and they should know better.

As for your DH saying about you leaving them while you are in the shower, I assume you do that then or why would he have used that as an example?

If you do, then its obvious that you see its okay for you to leave them together while you shower but not for him to leave them while he is literally just outside mowing the lawn. Surely its the same thing? You are still not with them supervising them are you? And are you sure you would be able to hear an issue if you were in the shower with the water blasting washing your hair? Couldn't the baby have climbed onto something while you are in the shower? Got hold of a pen? So I agree with your DH here. If that is the case you are being hypocritical.

Oh, I missed that. It's the 8 YO who DREW on the toddler? Seriously?

That's not on at all! a 16 months old is not a "baby" but an 8 yo is not a baby either, she should know better. You really need to teach her about consequences, how can you not blame her?

Oh come on, of course she didn't think she was being helpful!
8 year olds know they're not allowed to draw on anything but paper.

A typical 8 year old can definitely be trusted to watch a 1 year old sibling for 10 minutes while the parent is in the garden/shower.

What do you think, dig??

😂 😂 😂

Why aren’t you “blaming dd at all”? An 8 year old knows that it’s not ok to draw all over someone else and the average 8 year old would have taken the pen off the baby if it was the baby doing the drawing and told the parent that baby drew on themselves so that they weren’t in trouble.

Lucky escape from what?

Neither of you should be leaving the baby with an 8 year old to cut the grass or to shower.

You’re a 2 parent family and there’s no reason to do this.
Time the grass cutting and showers so that the other parent can look after them or they’re both in bed.

The 8 year old acted naughty and should be told to not do it again but the blame lies with the parent in charge, which was DH.

I cannot believe people are focusing on the biro scribbling here

That's really not the issue!

Your baby, and 8 year old had a lucky escape

You are over-reacting, sorry

You can't say it's ok for you to be in the shower, but not for your DH to be in the garden. How much land have you got? If it's an estate maybe, but a bog-standard garden you are being ridiculous.

Your 8 yo should be able to stop a sibling from scribbling everywhere, or at least call her dad for help. What's her excuse for doing nothing?

Your house should be child-proof enough with a toddler by now. If there's anything that dangerous you think an adult must keep an eye on your 1 year old at all time, you really need to address that.

You won’t hear choking though and that was your issue with the mowing.

I don’t think you can be okay about leaving the children unattended to shower but not for other activities where you also can’t hear.

No developmentally normal eight year old thinks it’s helpful to draw on a sibling.

Just to clarify again I am NOT “fine” with DD drawing on the baby but she honestly thought she was being helpful

Really? She's eight, not three. She should know better and she should be getting a telling off for her behaviour.

Not the 8 year olds fault: they are a child

Your DH, however

🫨