To be fuming DH left our 8yo to supervise the baby while he mowed the lawn??

Gosh yes! At 8 I was expected to look after my younger cousins-around your baby's age & younger. But I would not have drawn on baby or allowed baby to draw on themself I was far too responsible - not to mention far too scared of my parent's reaction 😱

I would be furious at DH for leaving an 8yo and a 16 month old baby like you

She does know better, I’m not saying she doesn’t. But she also loves playing “teacher” and I can see how in her head she thought it was a funny game. I just don’t think that makes it her fault that DH told her she was in charge.

There you go again 🙄

Of course she thinks it's a funny game because unlike most 8 year olds, she knows she can do whatever she wants and mum will 'understand'.

You're doing her absolutely no favours whatsoever.

I never agreed that her dh was right, I actually agree but I do think you leaving them to shower is the same thing. You would have NO IDEA of either of them were choking when you are in the shower. Negligent on your part too, you both need to parent better imo.

You are so in the wrong it’s ridiculous. Your DH is fine, your eight year old is downright badly behaved.

Because at 8 years old, your DD should be able to be trusted while this sort of thing happens.

That is not normal behaviour from your 8 year old. And that you’re so sure she can’t be left alone with her sibling is indicative that you know there’s a problem. That would worry me more than your husband tbh.

My 4 year old knows you don't draw on the baby, or anything but paper.

You wouldn’t hear her drawing on her sister from the shower so the same could easily have happened on your watch!

I still don’t get why the 8 year old isn’t in trouble though.

Sorry I haven't read everyone's responses, but I don't understand why the children didn't go in the garden with your husband anyway. Why could they not play to one side/on the patio while he mowed? Then there would have been no problem. 🤷‍♀️

You are over reacting. He was in the garden, he hadn’t gone out and left them alone.

If this isn't okay with you then you both just sit down and agree on your parenting - no leaving the kids together without an adult supervising (this includes showers and mowing a lawn). Unless your garden is absolutely massive, he wouldn't have been that far away and he could be checking in regularly - you don't know as you weren't there either.

I am still bewildered that an' EIGHT' year old can't be trusted not to draw all over a toddler. If this was at all something that had ever happened I'd hope you had corrected that behaviour.

I would leave my kids downstairs when they were 1 and 5 while I hung out the laundry or had a quick shower or similar. My daughter never drew on him!

YABU

If you can nip upstairs and have a shower, it's really no different to him nipping outside in the garden.

All the things you have said you were worried about could happen could happen while you were in the shower as well ... and in either case, the 8 year old could fetch either of you from the shower/garden.

Yanbu and it doesn't take a few minutes to mow a lawn does it. Our garden is small and would still take more than a few mins. It's not like he popped to the kitchen to make a sandwich, that's a few minutes.

But having both kids upstairs with you and going into the shower is still leaving them alone, even if its just for a few minutes isn't it?

In that time anything could happen, as you described when your DH left them alone. 16 month old putting something in their mouth, climbing on something etc? So I still don't get why its okay for YOU to leave them alone for a few minutes but not him. The risk is still the same.

And to be honest if that is the behaviour of your 8 year old when she is left with her younger sibling then neither of you can really trust leaving her with them can you?

Couldn’t agree more!!

Your 8 year old should absolutely know better.

My 7 year old niece knows we don't play with pens near the younger children (1-4) because of pen lids. She knows we don't run around screaming, or anything like that. She knows that we don't encourage them to play by the stairs/sofa etc.

Your husband isn't the one in the wrong here, your 8 year old should know better by now

It wasn’t urgent to mow the lawn right at that moment.

So why did he do it? That is what you need to get to the bottom of.
He finds the children boring, and won't tolerate being bored, so he would rather go off and do something that he wants to do?

How often do you leave him to look after both children? Perhaps he needs more practice and to step up a bit.

I'd be annoyed at DH too; he has literally palmed off a very short window of childcare.

Thanks all for replies. Just to be clear I am not blaming DD at all.

And herein lies the problem imo.

You have very low expectations of your 8 year old child.

But if they swallowed a pen lid while you were in the shower you wouldn’t necessarily hear that? Your 8 year old might not even notice if they were distracted. So I don’t really see how it’s different and agree with your husband on that. . I wouldn’t have left my son at 8 with a baby but I’d probably have trusted my daughter. Baby would’ve been in a high chair, play pen or similar though.

again, if your house is that unsafe your toddler can't be safely in a room, you have a problem, and it's not your DH.

When I do that the kids are both upstairs with me,
WHY do you need to have an 8yo with you when you are having a shower?

the whole thing makes no sense at all. If you can't trust your 8yo at all, stop blaming your husband and address the issues that are there, because it's not normal behaviour.

She’s 8. She knows damn fine well and rightly not to draw all over a toddler.

So do you wait for him to be home before you have a shower?