Page 13 | To be fuming DH left our 8yo to supervise the baby while he mowed the lawn??

Erisheck · 2025-08-25T12:35:15+00:00

So I popped to the shop earlier, only meant to be ten mins. Left DH at home with DCs. Come back to find DH out the back mowing the lawn, all very pleased with himself. Meanwhile he had apparently told our 8yo DD to “keep an eye on” the baby while he did it. Baby is 16 months. I walked in to find baby in the living room COVERED in biro scribbles. Face, arms, even a bit on her sleepsuit. DD said she was “playing schools” and DH thinks it is hilarious. I do not. I am SO angry. Yes baby is fine but that is not the point. What if she had choked on a pen lid. What if she had fallen. An 8yo is a CHILD not a babysitter. DH is saying I am overreacting and that it was “only 15 minutes.” I think he has lost his mind. AIBU to be this furious?

Blueberry911 · 25/08/2025 15:26

Considering your 8 year old is badly behaved or hasn't yet mastered the impulse control of a toddler, I'd say that they shouldn't be left, but it's more a DD issue than a DH issue. I'd be happy leaving my child inside whilst I do garden jobs and they're younger.

RisingSunn · 25/08/2025 15:25

I'm more team OP.

I could never leave a one year old without eyes nor ears on them for 15 minutes. Not all 8 year olds are the same and they are still young children and can be impulsive - as demonstrated here.

Manxexile · 25/08/2025 15:24

@Erisheck - "... What I can’t get past is DH knowing what she’s like and still leaving her with that responsibility.... "

So what is she like? A liability?

You didn't say so in your OP.

Bromptotoo · 25/08/2025 15:24

If there's a parent in the garden leaving an 8yo to watch a toddler and raise the alarm if anything goes wrong is reasonable enough.

Drawing in the toddler OTOH......

anyolddinosaur · 25/08/2025 15:22

10 yes, 8 no.

WiddlinDiddlin · 25/08/2025 15:19

I think the issue here isn't the distance he was away, it is that he could not have heard had something gone wrong.

So if the baby was choking, or fell off something, your 8 year old would have to run into the garden and right to her dad and prod him or get in front of him to get his attention. She may, in a panic, not think to do that.

Some 8 year olds would be fine to be left with a toddler and a parent who can hear if things are going wrong, but I don't think any 8 year old is fine to be left with a toddler where the adult cannot hear whats going on.

StillTryingtoBuy · 25/08/2025 15:16

splendidpickle · 25/08/2025 13:41

I know lots of people on AIBU like to be performatively laid back, but you can't leave an 8 year old to look after a baby while you're outside and completely incapable of hearing any shouts if there's a problem!
Maybe to leave them alone while you're doing something in the house is one thing, but this is not that.

100% agree with this. Fine to be in and out getting on with chores, definitely not fine to be in the garden unable to hear anything. Particularly if your 8 year old isn’t used to that type of responsibility. An 8 year old could do it maybe, with clear instructions, but I don’t think its a good idea at all.

Imagineallthepuppies · 25/08/2025 15:14

It’s not fair on the 8 year old. Imagine if something had of happened while she was ‘in charge’?

SaltAirAndTheRust · 25/08/2025 15:12

Erisheck · 25/08/2025 15:09

I don’t think DD’s behaviour was “normal” either, I’ll give you that. She does know not to draw on people, she’s not daft. I think she got carried away in her little “game” and yes, that will be dealt with. I’m not excusing it, but she is still a child and makes silly decisions at times.

What I can’t get past is DH knowing what she’s like and still leaving her with that responsibility. He’s her dad, he knows she’s not a mini adult. Why risk it? Why not just wait until I was back? That’s what I don’t understand. It was literally 10 minutes until I got home with the shopping. Instead he chose that exact moment to start mowing the lawn. Baby was in the living room crawling about, pens left on the coffee table from earlier. Honestly it could have been so much worse.

And to those saying I’m “neurotic” or “furious over nothing” it’s not nothing to me. Maybe it’s my anxiety talking but I don’t think it’s over the top to want my baby properly supervised. A 16 month old can get into all sorts of danger in seconds. What if she had got hold of something small and choked. DH would not have heard a thing because of the mower and the ear defenders he had on.

I do take on board the point that if I’m not happy with either of us leaving DD in charge, then I need to be consistent with things like showers as well. Fair enough. But honestly, I’d rather just agree that neither of us does it again. Then at least I know baby is safe.

Still think mowing the lawn could have waited. That’s the part that feels so needless. It makes me feel like he just didn’t want to actually sit with them and found a reason to busy himself elsewhere. It makes me feel like I can’t trust him to use common sense. And that’s why I’m so cross.

The baby was safe. It was your DD who drew on them!

Original poster

Erisheck · 25/08/2025 15:09

I don’t think DD’s behaviour was “normal” either, I’ll give you that. She does know not to draw on people, she’s not daft. I think she got carried away in her little “game” and yes, that will be dealt with. I’m not excusing it, but she is still a child and makes silly decisions at times.

What I can’t get past is DH knowing what she’s like and still leaving her with that responsibility. He’s her dad, he knows she’s not a mini adult. Why risk it? Why not just wait until I was back? That’s what I don’t understand. It was literally 10 minutes until I got home with the shopping. Instead he chose that exact moment to start mowing the lawn. Baby was in the living room crawling about, pens left on the coffee table from earlier. Honestly it could have been so much worse.

And to those saying I’m “neurotic” or “furious over nothing” it’s not nothing to me. Maybe it’s my anxiety talking but I don’t think it’s over the top to want my baby properly supervised. A 16 month old can get into all sorts of danger in seconds. What if she had got hold of something small and choked. DH would not have heard a thing because of the mower and the ear defenders he had on.

I do take on board the point that if I’m not happy with either of us leaving DD in charge, then I need to be consistent with things like showers as well. Fair enough. But honestly, I’d rather just agree that neither of us does it again. Then at least I know baby is safe.

Still think mowing the lawn could have waited. That’s the part that feels so needless. It makes me feel like he just didn’t want to actually sit with them and found a reason to busy himself elsewhere. It makes me feel like I can’t trust him to use common sense. And that’s why I’m so cross.

OP posts:

StinkyCheeseMoose · 25/08/2025 15:09

Does your eight-year-old feel any resentment towards her sibling? Her behaviour is quite bizarre if "playing schools" involves drawing on her "pupil"!

If your older child does feel resentment, or regularly displays this kind of immature and weird behaviour, it's probably not a good idea to leave your children together unsupervised for any length of time, including while you have a shower.

On the other hand, if this is a one-off episode and your child usually acts like a normal eight-year-old, you are being unreasonable.

Scottishgirl85 · 25/08/2025 15:09

I couldn't get worked up about this at all. An 8 year old should be able to shout if something was going wrong. Scribbling on a baby is definitely weird, it's like they were rebelling in the face of a bit of responsibility.

Mistyglade · 25/08/2025 15:09

My 8 year old would’ve been fine but he’s a very risk averse little lad and sensible. Your DS sounds a bit different. As pp said it’s your lad not your husband you should be cross with.

WonderingWanda · 25/08/2025 15:08

I agree with you op, it's not like he popped to the next room for a couple of minutes. An 8 year old is still young enough to get distracted and stop concentrating on the baby and 16mo is mobile enough to get into all sorts of trouble.

Mumwithbaggage · 25/08/2025 15:07

Dd2 was 8 and ds 7 when dd3 was born. Not in a million years would they have drawn on her. Ever. It is not OK behaviour and OP thinking it is makes it worse. I teach. I would be very concerned at that.

We were living in Sweden at the time. Nos 2 and 3 would pop out to the local shop to choose and buy lunch (to my set budget). Either times have chnged drastically in 20 years or OP is utterly oblivious to her child's behaviour.

bumblebramble · 25/08/2025 15:06

I’m with you op. Not sure if this makes you feel any better, or worse, but when my baby was little mil and sil were pressuring me to employ 9 year old dn as a babysitter so we could go out at weekends. Bear in mind, this was an only child with absolutely no experience of babies.
They made me feel like a basket case for not being ok with this.

WaitWhatWhatWait · 25/08/2025 15:05

Perhaps I'm clouded by my tiny garden, but being upstairs in a shower is much worse than being in the garden. Your vehemence & anger at your DH is extreme.

P.S. I think it's find to leave an 8yr old keeping an eye on a young child while there are other adults in the house / garden.

IncaDog · 25/08/2025 15:05

My DS was fit to keep an eye on his little sister from she was a newborn and he was 6/7 - I happily got a shower in my en-suite with them in my bedroom.

I’d have never left them with the dog, absolutely not - but DS was 8 and DD was 1, I’d have had no problem leaving them in a separate room for 10 minutes.

It’s more hassle leaving them now at 4 and nearly 11, with the amount of fighting they do.

DS wouldn’t have entertained drawing on his sister. I would have been raging with this. That’s shocking.

cryinglaughing · 25/08/2025 15:05

None of your what ifs came to fruition. There is being cautious and then there is being neurotic.
Don't pass your anxiety onto your children.

Have a word with the 8 year old, she's old enough to know better and is also old enough to alert her dad if something is amiss 🤷🏻‍♀️

DeborahKerr · 25/08/2025 15:01

Erisheck · 25/08/2025 14:53

I get that people think it’s the same as a shower but honestly I still don’t. When I shower I am literally a few steps away and can pop out dripping wet if I need to. DH was in the garden with ear defenders on, completely shut off. That feels very different to me.

And yes, I will absolutely be having words with DD about the biro. She does know better, I’m not saying she doesn’t. But she also loves playing “teacher” and I can see how in her head she thought it was a funny game. I just don’t think that makes it her fault that DH told her she was in charge.

I do agree with pp who said mowing the lawn wasn’t urgent. Exactly. Why couldn’t he just wait 10 minutes until I was back? That’s what winds me up. It’s like he just didn’t want to be “bored” watching the baby so found himself a job instead.

I’m not saying I’m perfect either, but I honestly would never have made that choice. That’s why I’m so cross.

she's 8, not 4

I can see how in her head she thought it was a funny game

Not at 8, no. What's your age limit to think this behaviour is not acceptable? 15?
8 is far too old for that.

Again, why do you need to be steps away from your 8yo in the shower?

Are you treating her like the baby of the family?

Thebigonesgetaway · 25/08/2025 15:01

Yeah as much as i think some ott responses on your elder daughter, if you’re saying she drew with a pen all over her siblings face and even her sleep suit, I’d find that concerning and don’t see how it is playing teacher, teachers don’t draw on your face and clothes. And I’d think 8 is old enough to know that, so I’d find that concerning that she didn’t know what was appropriate, and that your husband doesn’t know she doesn’t know what’s appropriate, and you seem to think it is as she’s a child. As in it’s excusable,

I don’t see any issue with an eight year old caring for the child when dad is just outside cutting the grass, I do see an issue with your elder child drawing all over her siblings face.

Imisschampagne · 25/08/2025 15:01

survivalinsufficient · 25/08/2025 14:54

That is not normal behaviour from your 8 year old. And that you’re so sure she can’t be left alone with her sibling is indicative that you know there’s a problem. That would worry me more than your husband tbh.

Absolutely! An eight year old knows better than to draw on a baby to "help" .... and op bot eben leaving them by themselves for ten minutes alone at home. Wtf ....

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 25/08/2025 15:00

So an 8 year old is irresponsible for getting pen all over a toddler. However When a fully fledged green man leaves an 8 year with a baby that’s perfectly fine and dandy! That’s mumsnet for you.
“If the old should have known better chestnut applies to one then it’s applies to both.)

PestoHoliday · 25/08/2025 14:59

She's 8. If anything happened to the baby she'd run and get her father. Of course an 8 year old should be able to keep an eye on their toddler sibling while their father is on the premises. He was only in the garden, he hadn't left.

My eldest and youngest have a similar age gap and he was perfectly capable of keeping an eye while one of the parents was also at home.

InMyHealthyEra · 25/08/2025 14:59

An 8 year old should be more than capable of supervising a 16 month old for 10/15 minutes whilst a parent is 10ft away. They’re not expected to feed/change the baby, just ensure they’re not touching anything they shouldn’t be.

Yes your 8 year old was a bit silly to draw on their sibling but it’s a bit of pen. Teach them that it’s not very nice and move on. I hope you haven’t harshly punished or shouted at your child.

No one did anything wrong. I’d be more concerned about your reaction, this is not something to be “furious” or “fuming” over unless you have anger issues.