To be fuming DH left our 8yo to supervise the baby while he mowed the lawn??

The dad should have waited until mum got back if she was only out for 10-15 minutes.

If the youngest child was actually a baby it wouldn't be too much of a problem if they'd been fed, changed and put down to sleep. The 8 year old could do their own thing nearby and go get dad if baby woke up or there was a problem. A toddler is a different story, much more unpredictable but in this case it wasn't really necessary for the older child to look after the younger one, the lawn mowing could wait 10 minutes.

so he wouldn't be able to go to the loo either? make a phone call, or go in the kitchen to make some food?

If you can't leave an 8 yo for 10mn, you have a problem.

Calling them both "babies" is weird, neither of these 2 children are babies anymore. They are very little, but the 8 yo need to be treated like an 8yo ,not a toddler by her mum.

The husband was 100% responsible for both children until OP got home. He chose to mow the lawn (very noisy) and delegate his responsibility onto the 8 year old. Sure, an 8 year old shouldn't draw on their younger sibling but it was the husband's job to make sure both kids were safe. He was the only adult in the home at the time. So, I'd explain to the 8 year old why what happened was a bad idea and I'd have a strong word with the husband.

Bloody hell, I’d barely leave my almost 8 year old with my 3 year old without checking in on them/being in ear shot. Toddlers don’t think rationally and an 8 year old can’t parent them. I think 16 months is way too much responsibility.

In the same respect, I’d be very surprised if my two drew on each other or anything they weren’t supposed to.

Id be having words with both your DH and DD and insist he doesn’t leave them like that until the youngest is a older

Sorry OP, your being a little silly here.

You have already admitted to doing the same when you shower, the 8yo is more than capable of getting your DH attention the same way as getting your attention if you were showering.. although you could have shampoo in your hair which will slow you down and be naked.. have you cover up.

Your 8yo should have known better, if you had come in and the baby was sat there playing nicely with 8yo you wouldn't have been as bothered, it was the baby being covered in pen which was the 8yo that seems to be the issue.. that could have happened whilst you showered too.

He should have waited until you were home? What’s the big rush! You need a shower daily and can’t always wait for your partner to be there! Im with you OP, again another father just doing as he pleases!

Sounds like you don’t give your DD enough responsibility.

She’s certainly capable of keeping an eye on a baby and knowing what is and isn’t safe. Presumably your house is baby proofed and you don’t have choke hazards lying round?

My older DC were definitely keeping an eye on a younger sibling at that age, with an adult in the house. Potentially playing with them in a playpen rather than ranging free. Maybe that would be a good solution for any future shower/lawnmowing situations.

Spot the golden child here 🤨

Yeah not great but no real harm done. A word in the ear of your DH and then a chat with DD to say what she did was wrong. Shouldn't happen again.

An 8 year old should know better than to draw on a baby. Your husband shouldn't have left them.

I'm with you op.
Its worrying that we are in the minority 🤔

For the reasons she explained - she’s upstairs with them, she can hear them and she’s in the shower for much less time.

He was irresponsible and I'd be annoyed too. But equally, I wouldn't leave a 16 month old in an area that wasn't 100% baby proofed whilst I had a shower either.

Choking is often completely silent and an 8 year old can't be relied on to notice in time.

OP regularly leaves her children unattended while she goes off for a shower though - how is that any better than leaving them to go and mow the lawn?

I agree with you OP.

I think DD was naughty and you shouldn’t be hypocritical to have a shower and leave them but DH was in the wrong.

The grass did not need mowing at that exact moment and he could have done it any other time.

It would be no different if he posted that he nipped to the shops for 10mins and that’s when you decided to have a shower.

It’s not just the fact that they were left alone but that there was no need to leave them.
He could have just waited until you got back.

Oh dear, I routinely do this to mow the grass and my eldest is only 6!

My husband works weekends so it’s the only option I’ve got. That said, never perceived it as particularly risky.

I agree with everything you’ve said, including that a shower is different (with children just outside the door, door cracked open) and that DDs behaviour is within the realm of normal. I don’t think it was appropriate for him to leave them alone inside together and I’d have been very annoyed as well.

YABU

I wouldn’t leave a child to look after a baby. Big gaps don’t mean kids can look after kids. I’ve seen first hand sibling rivalry with the older kids delibrately hurting or provoking the younger kids.

What I can’t get past is DH knowing what she’s like and still leaving her with that responsibility

Considering that teenagers can be random silly things too, do you plan to never give her responsibility like that?

I mean this tongue in cheek but you know what your DH is like but you still left him with the baby 😉

Tbh I would have mowed the lawn and had the girls play in the garden if the older one couldn’t be trusted. I am a single parent and when I mowed the lawn, my kids would stay inside and get me if there was an issue.

I have an 8 year old and a 20 month old.
She will happily supervise her brother for 15 minutes or so.
DH is not the problem, you're massively over reacting.

You can’t hear when you’re in the shower, the older child acting a bit weird and I think your husband is fine to mow the lawn

Exactly

If it was "common sense" (as you've written above) not to act as your DH did, then this thread would be completely siding with you. The fact that c90% of posters disagree with you shows that it definitely can't be considered "common sense", even if you disagree with his actions.

I'll ask again: what's the point in asking 'am I being unreasonable?" if you dismiss anyone that thinks you are?

OP - AIBU?

MN - Yes you are, but you have a different issue to address here

OP - No I don't and I'm NBU

MN - Yes you do and yes you are

OP - No I don't, it's different when I do it. Time moves differently when I'm in the shower to when DH is in the garden so it doesn't matter that it only takes a milisecond for something to go wrong, I can sort it

MN - but what about the other issue you have to address here?

OP - I don't have one, it's still DH in the wrong