met dh nearly 20 years ago. He’s self employed in creative industry.
im employed full time. When we met I was on £18k. I’m now on £60k.
we have 3 kids. And life is vvvv expensive.
we’ve stayed in same small house we purchased since we were in our 20s.
he has never earned reliably. Sometimes it’s been great and other times it’s terrible. People don’t pay on time. He works weird hours and long Hours and struggles to consistently contribute to house. He puts in £600 and then a few weeks later £300 and at end of month maybe another few hundred etc etc. it’s teeny amounts and on random days. on the flip side I typically contribute £2500 on the first of each month. And then Pay for kids stuff out my own money (days out, school shoes etc)
we are always in our overdraft. He’s lied about having credit cards. He lied and hid 10k of debt. He lies about how much work he has. He’s constantly in overdraft. He says he doesn’t know when money is coming in. He has no work booked in September for example but “remains hopeful something will come up”. He’s constantly plugging one hole by taking from another pot and creating Another.
as we are now in our 40s I’m finding it all very draining. He’s recently taken on a 2 day a week job minimum wage (admin) which I found and insisted he applied for. It provides a third of what we need from him really. This means even longer hours and less help with kids. I’m on my own a lot these days.
I know it’s crap out there and Covid and AI have affected businesses but I never thought I’d be trapped in a job I don’t love, struggling to survive. In a house that is tiny, not able to afford own car, not been on holiday in 15 years (beyond camping)
I want him to stop. Get a full time job/retrain etc.
but he says “I’m good at it” “I want to be happy” “it does earn money” “no one else will
employ me”
if I try to discuss he goes into a dramatic depression pity rant and makes no changes.
leaving him is not an option. But what I saw in him at 20 was not how I thought we would be all
these years later.