What do i do now

Honestly? I'd be helping him pack! Does he really think this is a normal way to treat your spouse? Calling you a c* over some water on the bathroom floor?

Tell him to leave and get some peace and happiness in your life again OP. You deserve way better than this.

I'm also anxious reading your posts @Isthisover88

I left an abusive husband many years ago and tbh I should've left him a lot sooner than I did. It's hard to admit you've made a mistake and it's an upheaval to go but........

So I suggest that you get your ducks in a row and leave your husband. He sounds awful, really nasty. You don't have to live up to his bizarre standards. He'll move the goalposts in any case.

Once you've left him, you'll be surprised at how much calmer and happier you feel.

Does he have OCD?

Regardless, his treatment of you and the name-calling is appalling. His lack of contrition and threats to leave you, mean this marriage is over, I’m afraid.
Start planning.

If anyone screamed at my young child that would be that - never mind someone who is supposed to live and nurture them unconditionally.

this man is no husband or father.

take him up on his offer to leave, assist his as he goes and make sure it’s the last thing you ever do for him.

I hardly ever post to tell people to leave a relationship immediately because nothing is ever black and white, but as a domestic abuse survivor and having worked with lots of women who have been in abusive relationships, your post is ringing all kinds of alarms bells. Please please tell him to go if thats how he feels. This is very, very controlling behaviour that will only escalate further. It is not how reasonable partners behave. He is setting you up to fail at every point so he has (in his mind) more reason to find fault and exercise control. Please find a Freedom Course running near you (or you can do it online) - they are free and a safe space to learn about coercive control and domestic abuse. Your DH has the word Dominator written all over him. I'm so sorry you're going through this, but cut loose from him, you'll feel so much lighter and happier. And there are no obstacles such as finances, joint parenting or anything else cannot be overcome no matter how hard it seems.

As soon as you start doing these “requests” then he will move the goalposts again and something else won’t be right . You don’t want your child growing up thinking that’s what is healthy in a relationship because he isn’t . He will just become his Father and treat a woman like his Dad does .

Good riddance! He obviously doesn’t see you as an equal, he sees himself as better than you and that you are somebody who needs to do as he says. Threatening to move out is a power play on his part, take your power back and throw him out!

“He's basically said i either change and work to his standards or he'll move out”

Goodbye! I might also spray the shower round the whole bathroom including the ceiling before he goes in there….

Good. Off he fucks then.

I could really go to town on what’s wrong with him but what’s the point when he’s given you the solution?

He's basically said i either change and work to his standards or he'll move out

Don’t change.
Sorted.

Well that's perfect then. Tell him to shut the door when he leaves.

On a serious note, this is really really bad. He's a selfish asshole and I don't know how you can have sex with him at all. He basically wants you to be available 24/7 to cater to his desires. I would take him up on his offer of him moving out. I think it will feel like bliss being rid of him.

Hmm it's very common for the wandering eye type to start this behaviour so they can blame you when the relationship ends.

He sounds Narcissistic and controlling and Narcs can never ever take responsibility.
Take him up on his offer

I bet he won’t go though, when you tell him you’re not going to change.

I’m sorry it’s come to this for you, but I can’t see any way that you can make it better. He clearly doesn’t love you but just wants a cleaner who will service him every day.

you are lucky OP. He’s offering to move out. Thank him for that and send him on his way. Life will be so much better on your own. He sounds awful and trust me if you did do as he asks
now about showering etc. it will only
be something else that you are doing wrong next.

It doesn't sound like he even likes you. I'd put money on him trying to pick a fight with you so that you end it and therefore you look like the "bad guy" for "kicking him out and splitting up the family."

What do you do now? You take a deep breath and start to plan for life without him. And as an aside - keep up the running as it will help you in a multitude of ways as you navigate this situation.

He's basically said i either change and work to his standards or he'll move out

Let him move out. He is telling you to jump and you've been asking how high but this is not sustainable, nor should it happen in an equal, loving and supportive relationship. You are worth so much more than this.

He sounds horrible. I think at this point you absolutely need to take him up on his offer to move out (although I suspect that might just be a threat to bring you back in line and he will change his tune). I’d also read Lundy Bancroft “why does he do that?” As the situation sounds abusive. You can get a free off online if you search. Or Google “coercive control”.

ETA I’m assuming he has always shown these controlling tendencies but if they’ve come on in the last months or year then I agree with PPs that there could well be an OW waiting in the wings.

Best get the cases out of the loft then.

This. Sorry.

He's basically said i either change and work to his standards or he'll move out

It’s really good when the trash offers to take itself out.

Marriage counselling? If you love him and want to work through it? Has he always been like this? Also get a cleaner to help you? Is he having a mental health crisis? I’d be taking some time off work go take a break with family for a week.. and leave him try the greener hills of single life for a few days.. you sound amazing and work so hard.. you don’t deserve what he’s dishing up.. God love you, I hope it gets better for you..

Tell him to move out.

Fucking good. Im changing fuck all and you can go today. Pack your bags and fuck off would be my response.

What a horrible person, relationship and shit show. Your post gave me serious ick. Not a single thing on earth would make me stay with him.

I don't have sex with him often enough.

I'm surprised you have sex with him at all, a horrible horrible little man, abusive, controlling, manipulative, hes doing you a favour sleeping in the spare room and offering to move out.