To end marriage due to step children

These kids father choosing to live full time with someone else's 13 year old child, while his own kids are merely occasional visitors 4 days a month. That's going to cause huge resentment and abandonment issues in those kids.

How did he think that was in his kids best interests?

So roughly around the time teenage hormones kicked in, I would ignore his moody, non verbal nonsense and carry on as normal, I definitely wouldn’t let a 13yo boy intimidate me or make me feel uncomfortable ….he’s a child

But it's not a real explanation. More of a series of excuses rather than finding a workable solution for all.

The OP has explained this in some detail.

I don’t think she is interested at all. She goes with them because that appears to be the only way to get to spend time with her father.

I dont really see why they have to "tag along " though .Surely PP said there should be a horse she can ride ? I know nothing about them ,but surely teenagers can and do ride .Otherwise maybe think of something else to do for her .The DS is 13 and mostly they grunt at that age!He is only coming along some of the the time though .It doesnt sound like he is very happy .He was quite young when his parents split and he already has a Stepdad as well.Maybe DH could take him out alone?

That's why I said "parents" not step mum. And OPs child can't ride her horse either, so yes it is her job too. There's two adults, two horses and 3 kids being excluded to varying extents. Poor parenting all round.

Husband and wife have a hobby they share but can't involve any of their 3 shared children. This is the sort of thing you do when your kids grow up, so you can be there for them while they're growing up.

For example, my husband and myself share a hobby, very big and powerful motorbikes. Of course, these wouldn't be at all suitable for our children. Which is why we didn't have this hobby until they were adults.

Being a parent does mean putting your life on hold. That's the deal. The kids always come first. And if they're being little shits, then you try and understand that behaviour and correct the behaviour with love.

I had guessed scuba diving 😂

OP is not their parent, it’s not her job to buy a horse suitable for her step-children.

It’s not normal for a child to completely ignore his step-mother and not answer her at all.

But OP should ignore him right back if that’s what he wants.

Of course at least one of the two horses should be suitable for novices. What sort of parents buy two horses that take up so much time and money but that their children can't use? Just stupid and selfish.

Why does your DH have a very expensive high level inaccessible thoroughbred horse that commands a lot of his time and that nobody else can get near?

Strange life choice for a father with two children unless it’s his profession. He should have sold the horse when he got divorced so his kids could get his attention instead.

Its definitely concerning it's happened around the same time yet no one seems to have had any concern about this during the last three years. That's so sad.

I'm confused as to why two parents would both buy horses their children can't ride tbh. Surely it should be a family hobby with the amount of time it takes up rather than an adult only one.

I don't think there's an issue with dc here they sound normal and they are teenagers. Where is your dh in all this? It doesn't sound like there's a good relationship between him and his children and that's on him not his kids.

Let it go, stop trying with the step-children. You husband needs to step up massively and look after his children without involving you. Stop inviting daughter to a hobby she can't really do - you're allowed to enjoy things just as a couple. Stop talking to the kid who doesn't want your input. You're basically supporting his bad/passive parenting and it's making you unhappy.

Are we reading the same thread? SD had lessons and thought weekly was too much and interfered with her social life. If she isn't interested in weekly lessons there's no sense in buying/borrowing her own mount. Are you saying they shouldn't have bought the horses they have but one that is more appropriate to a novice?

Completely agree with this.

We are allowing another generation of damaged kids to be produced because adult feelings are more important than the actual responsibility a parent has to provide a safe and secure environment for their child. It's a depressing cycle.

There is something off in the OPs posts. Feels like other people (primarily the DSS) are the Scapegoat, rather than looking at how the adults are behaving and the choices they are making.

I can see the kids describing the situation to a therapist in the future and the golden child/Scapegoat dynamic being discussed. It's a stately home post in the making.

I'd organise some riding lessons for his DD. I'd tell DH to take DS out for the day on their own. DS sounds bloody rude. He doesn't have to like you but he does need to be civil towards you. His Dad needs to push this point. Does the DS need counselling?

Insane piece of advice - ‘don’t allow him to have his own children in his home’.

that's exactly the problem

When he is with his dad, it should be HIS home - but no, it's the OP's home.
Not terribly welcoming is it?

If it's the same attitude from the new partner in the other house, basically the child has no home. Can you blame him for being resentful? He's not going home to see his dad, he's spending days in the OP;s house who doesn't really want him there.

Blended families seldom work

Well, kids have had a lot to deal with at the same time as being teenagers
Carry on loving and caring for them

Don’t have them in your space x

@HP200

Having read all of your replies/explanations, it sounds as though you're very understanding & are bending over backwards to include your step children in family life & are also encouraging their independent relationships with their dad.

Your step daughter will just have to accept the horse situation - you've explained all of that & done all you can to offer her options, which she's declined.

As for your step son, all things considered, he's just being outright bloody rude & your husband needs to put his foot down! There is absolutely no excuse whatsoever for blanking you in your own home when you've done nothing wrong & continue to be perfectly nice & polite to him. He's being a little shit!!

You need to speak to your husband & tell him how you've reached breaking point with it & ask him exactly what he plans to do about it. If your stepson can't be at least civil to you, then they'll have to conduct their relationship on a 1:1 basis, meeting up away from your home. He's not a little kid, you didn't break up his family & you've been perfectly kind to him for 9 bloody years - yes, he might be hormonal & possibly sad about his life, but he can say hello, please & thank you!!