To end marriage due to step children

No I wouldn't end a marriage over this. There's obviously some changes that need to be made and as their dad, dh needs to be taking the lead. He's the one I'd be speaking with - he's too passive.

I hadn't read the full thread, about the dsd and the horse situation, so on that you are not being unreasonable at all, and it sounds as if all is going well between you and her.
I think teenage boys are often difficult to understand, and his situation is a hard one. It might help him to talk to someone outside of the situation. He has no-one that he can safely blame for his life being disrupted and you are the one he has the least attachment to, so you get the silent treatment. My grandson is 14 and can be surly, not much conversation, just grunts and shrugs, he has friends who visit with him who have never actually spoken to me.

Marriage is (hopefully) for the long term.
Do you want to spend your retirement with this man? Do you want to live with him for many, many decades into old age?
If you say "yes, definitely", then stick it out - the DC will hopefully have all left home in about ten years.
If you have any hesitation in saying "yes", that shows there are problems between you and him. Have you lost respect for him?
Loss of respect is the death of a relationship. It might be better to end it if that is the case.

Don't throw away a good marriage because of children - they will leave in time.
But check your feelings for him - is it still a good marriage?

That's good. So many on here don't take those steps and come a cropper.

Have a good hard think about how this will play out over the next 10 years and how it will impact your own son.

This situation doesn't sound like it's going to get better if I'm honest. He's not going to suddenly start being a good dad as he's focused on his own needs not those of his children or you. Your DS will be collateral damage in this and personally that's not something I would put up with. The kids are not getting anything positive out of this situation and you are not happy.

His horse, is it owned by you or him? if you were to split would it become his? is he seeing that as a personal financial investment for himself?

He has also said he doesn’t want to take care of a horse.

Then I hate to say it but he saw you coming. Sorry to be blunt but it's probably true.

He's an ineffective parent to his own children but expects you to provide a certain lifestyle for him. I think deep down this might be the thing that is niggling at you and the kids are just a symptom.

The reality is that the majority of blended families don't work. Don't beat yourself up over it but equally don't keep your DS in a situation that is not a positive environment for him.

Please tell us you have protected yourself financially. The house, the assets etc.

I think you're probably right in your instincts to split and probably best to do it sooner rather than later. The longer the marriage goes on the more claim he will have on your assets.

Get some legal advice and see where you stand.

If your step daughter is interested enough to go with you to the stable and help with caring for them, I think it's pretty mean of you both not to encourage her, by facilitating riding lessons or a suitable horse. She sounds OK, I don't see a lot of my 17 year old granddaughter now, as she is pulling away from family and going out with friends, if she had an interest in something I was doing I would be very keen to encourage it.
Your stepson sounds as if he is struggling, but if the worst he is doing is not speaking, I think I would learn to live with that. Unless the marriage is bad in some other way I think YABU.

It's not suitable for her OWN child either who obviously does want to ride as he's doing lessons.

I don't think you are leaving the marriage because of the DSC but because of your DH.
He has not risen to parenting his children well. He has allowed them to behave as tgeg please towards you with no consequences.
If you still value you relationship, I would give him an ultimatum...he has had years to sort this out and hasn't so he either does now or he can leave with his DC.

I think you need to try not to take it so personally.

He is a 13 year old child and it's supposed to be his home. A lot of 13 year olds are ungrateful.and rude, it's a normal part of their development, albeit an unpleasant one, just like toddler tantrums are also totally normal, a lot of teenagers are dickheads a good portion of the time.

That's not to say he should get away with rudeness unchallenged, but that's up to your husband. If you want to end your marriage then that's up to you, but to blame a teenager for being a teenager for that is incredibly unfair.

mmm I thought similar. Its a familiar story on here "The Blended Family That Didn't Work" OP I am not going to tell you whether to divorce or not but have you made clear to your husband how bad you feel? Did you meet through your shared hobby? how will it work if you both continue to use the same stables?

@HP200

I'm going to make some guesses and please correct me if I am wrong.

You are a woman of means. You've been financially independent for a long time.

You own the house and your DH moved in with you. He was living in rented accommodation when you met.

Are you paying the lions share of maintaining the horses?

I suspect the resentment of the kids being disrespectful might be more linked to how much you've done for their father and the sort of blended family he suggested you might have. Happy to be wrong but just an educated guess.

What would a split of assets look like?

You can choose the option to just read all of the OP’s posts. I think it would be helpful for you.

Step son is rude and his dad is leaving it unchecked.

When he asked him outside why he didn't answer and he said I didn't think they were talking to me, he should of said of course you were talking to him and made him go back in and say goodbye.

Plus he should have said bye when he left anyway!

I'd be considering leaving this marriage too. I wouldn't be married to someone who was this wet of a parent or a life partner.

He lost his family and now has to live with a random woman half the time and a random man half the time. He had no say in any of this. I don't think you would smile and nod politely if someone was moved into your house.

Uh?

You knew there were children in the picture when you married this man. But if the marriage falls apart, it'll be their fault?

Yes, that’s what she’s explained in the post you’ve quoted.

Either your husband sells his horse and buys one that's more suitable for DD to ride or he doesn't ride his horse when DD is around and instead spends time with her doing whatever she wants to do.

I don't know what you do about the step son, but that should be your husband's problem to solve. Both these kids sound quite unhappy but it does seem their needs are coming last and are being treated as an inconvenience by both of you. "Tag along" just shows annoyance and disdain.

I wouldn't put up with anyone in my house not talking to me so that alone would have me running.

He hasn't been taken from his family & forced to live with random people!

He lives with his mum & visits his dad whenever he wants - as do millions of kids. His step mum & step brother have been in his life for 9yrs! Stop being so dramatic. He can still say hello & have some basic manners - that's all she's asking!

Have you considered the possibility that your stepson may be neurodivergent? You have mentioned his blank expression and his difficulty with social communication?

Then why not just pay for riding lessons for them? To be honest they sound like very unhappy children.