Remove verbally abusive boyfriend out the granny flat

And id write the money off. If you stick to your decision not to put loads of money her way at every crisis, you will find you can manage

Agree.

This is the time to take action, Op. Good luck.

Sounds like a nightmare.
The sensible thing to do is to get them out, sell the mobile home and put it towards the loan balance. Then reorganise your finances so that you can manage.
Forget counselling for her, it sounds like you need counselling for yourself to work out how you mentally allow yourself to do this.

What about making a claim for the repayments through the Small Claims Court?

This isn’t good advice. Firstly it may not be a breach of planning control if the accommodation meets the definition of a caravan and is being used by family. Secondly even if it were a breach any enforcement notice would be served on the OP as owner of the land

At this point you need the loan repayment paid and as little contact as possible for the time being. I would suggest something along lines of:

"You're right, it is all about money right now, as your treatment of me is so disappointing that I do not want much to do with you at the moment on a personal level, although i do love you and hope we can repair our personal relationship in the future. Your boyfriend however, i do not like or love or have any responsibility to house or keep around - it is purely out of necessity that I am not evicting him out on his ear - because I need the pair of you making the payments you agreed to make. So the choice is yours, you either make the payments of £XYZ a month, plus the increased electricity charge of £XYZ or you can find somewhere else to rent and we will AirBnB this until we can sell it."

I would avoid getting into a personal thing about her saying her childhood was hard and shes so hard done by. I would just shut all that down and redirect her back to the topic.

Get them both out and list the reasons why then i would message your daughter and say you will always love her and be there for her but her behavior is not ok, that if she is abusive you cant support her and that you will also not tollerate abuse from her partner, that she needs a full time job and to support herself, i would get them out today and say to your daughter she can live in your house for 6 weeks while she finds a room to rent somewhere but that hes not allowed on your property

They both need to go, but I think you’ll find they’ll not be easy to remove. Can you cut off the services to the annex?

I would say, don’t discount renting it out (Airbnb or similar) in order to recoup some losses. Is it possible to move it elsewhere on the land?

Agree with this - OP's rather full-on reaction to a gentle correction of what gentle parenting is certainly made me wonder whether we're getting the full story here (noting that we only ever get one side of any story ofc).

Im so sorry to hear you are in this situation. It sounds like your daughter has a personality disorder of some kind, and if this is the case it might be unrealistic to expect drastic changes in how she is currently behaving. I understand you fear doing damage to your relationship with her, but honestly from what you’ve described , it doesn’t sound like a relationship most people would want for themselves anyway. This is a case of making the best of what you have. She won’t change, he won’t change, they won’t repay you. The relationship is completely dysfunctional. You are in a position of financial and emotional stress… do what you need to do to get them out (maybe seek half an hour legal advice first just to double check you aren’t leaving yourself exposed to later action from them), get the cabin on Airbnb and the booking sites, stop hurting yourself in order to meet your daughters every need.

Unlikely that daughter will cut mother off since mother is the one with land and housing assets. If anything the daughter needs to worry about being cut off.

Agreed

Also the fact you think they'd do this shows you just HOW far this has gone....

If you are worried about them damaging your property/cars then get plenty of outdoor cameras. Make it clear to them that any damage they do that you will have it on camera and you will go to the police.
You never know if she stands on he own two feet . Supports herself she may come to realise how much you have done for her and how spoilt she has behaved .
I remember your last post and she has been awful to you. Not just her boyfriend although he definitely needs to go.
You should focus on you and your husband. You need to be able to relax at home.

I think this is your only option. Sell up and downsize.
The freeloading bf will disappear hopefully if your daughter can't house him.
I hope your daughter gets help one day. Must be heartbreaking.

I agree.

I also think the parents might also have breached the conditions of equity release terms which prohibit subletting. The original post suggests the parents have not sought legal or financial advice. Daughter and boyfriend know this which is why they’re taking the mick. They know the parents’ equity release loan will be accumulating compounded interest.

The daughter and her boyfriend are technically ‘licensees’ rather than tenants (assuming no tenancy agreement in place).

the Parents can serve written notice withdrawing permission to live there. If they refuse to leave, possession proceedings can be brought in court. Once permission is revoked, they may be treated as trespassers if they remain. They need to consult a solicitor to handle possession proceedings correctly and avoid unlawful eviction claims.

This is very true, if there’s a child in the mix it makes it complicated for you. I’m sorry but your dd does not respect you, if she did this wouldn’t happen. You have to cut them both loose, do it soon for your own mental health and finances.

What she said

You either evict them both or none of them.
You write that you fear she's going to cut you off. You know what, for your own health and sanity, cut her off.

First see the GP about your health.
Secondly see the solicitor for advice.

I remember your previous thread - you were advised then to get them out and off your land.
Are you really surprised that nothing has changed by you taking no action?
Your daughter sounds narcissistic and abusive and you need to get them both out.
Do you really think she’s going to happily live alone in the granny flat and magically see the error of her ways once you’ve kicked the boyfriend out?
It’s clear (and understandable) that you’d want to pin the behaviour all on him but she sounds absolutely awful.
You are enabling all of this and need to stand up to them both

Get them both formally and legally removed. Do it now, because the next step will be that she’s pregnant, and you won’t have the heart to evict a child.

How old is she? I had a friend with awful NPD but in her 30s she’s largely grown out of it.

Do you have other children?
You need to ask them both to leave, I would then air b&b the flat/dwelling out to recoup the greatest amount of money back in the quickest amount of time.
It would also mean that you can control the people who are in it and they are only there for a very short time.
Realistically, they are not going to be able to afford to take over a loan and given the relationship breakdown you don’t want them there, things are not going to improve. They are not going to be able to pay you what it’s worth and move it elsewhere either.
It really sounds like a line needs to be drawn, regardless if it was your parenting or if she has some sort of mental health issues/personality disorder your are now at the point the situation is not tenable and they need to move in with his lovely Mother.

Are the texts and emails bad enough that the police could issue him/her/them with non molestation orders?
I read your previous post about her. She sounds horrific, and it's really coming over that you don't really want her to face the consequences- I kind of get it but that's why you're in this situation. She needs to face consequences of her actions and that will be what changes her, if anything.

As you say they're not tenants, change the locks, get non molestation orders and tell them, they're responsible for themselves. They'll have to get themselves into the real world. Sell the nanny flat and accept you won't get all the money back- but will get something to decrease your debt.

Also, FWIW gentle parenting isn't parenting without consequence or boundaries. I gentle parent my kids, but the eldest knows (younger two are only young so wouldn't fully understand yet!) That there ate boundaries and limits to what I will accept.

I think she bought it "for them" and as they were originally going to service the debt she facilitated... she sees it as "theirs" despite it not being theirs at all as it's now being fully funded and is owned by her / her DH.

Your original post is a bit confusing as you say you ‘ went into debt to enable them to buy this little house/granny flat’. However subsequent posts by you say that everything is in your names?