Remove verbally abusive boyfriend out the granny flat

Yes, me too.

Posted in wrong thread, apologies!

Legal advice is the first most important step. At least then you will have a clear idea of options available going forward. However, you do need to get rid of both of them. They are vile and it’s about time they stood on their own two feet and stopped sponging. I am really sorry this is happening to you.

Two things come to mind:

1. You keep bending over backwards for this daughter who treats you appallingly and I can only assume you feel guilt, maybe over her childhood, who she has become as an adult and feel you have failed her in some way.
2. Are drugs involved? The degree of selfishness and the manipulation suggest there is something else going on.

Whose suggestion was the mobile home on your land? I think you have to cut the cord and, with the backing of the police, throw them out. Change the locks, get cameras and accept she is a lost cause. What do you get out of the relationship with her, such as it is? If she hasn't been brought up to be an independent adult, or is incapable of being one with no issues affecting her capacity then I think she's a lost cause. You're only hurting yourselves by continually pandering to her bullying.

The police don't need chapter and verse btw, just the relationship has broken down, she is abusive and you want her out. She's effectively a lodger, but I would check whether they qualify as tenants first to be sure of how to deal with things.

It's not the boyfriend who is the problem.

Surely you have a solicitor you could talk to, to help you sort all this out?

I would do the same.

Put cameras up absolutely everywhere and then evict them. Have 999 at the ready. You can't live like this.

Legal guidance is required here as a tenancy could have been inadvertently created here. Please don't listen to posters telling you to just kick them out, get the legal guidance first. This could come back to bite you in the ass if they're as petty and manipulative as you make them out to be op.

You dont need to give notice there is no tenancy or contract infact making them homeless is a good idea as the council will have to re home her or she can go to his mothers which i assume is where he will go

This, but don’t refund any—consider it as rent paid on YOUR asset (or liability, more like) in YOUR name.

Your solicitor will probably advise you that a tenancy had inadvertantly been created and you will have to go through the formal steps to evict her. Eviction is a long, slow and expensive process and can take a year of more. There will be a great deal of expense and stress. Sorry to give you such bad news.

What a situation. Take one trip at a time. What does you DH suggest? I think you've been weakened over the years by giving in now it's time to find the strength to say enough is enough. You DD has MH issues. He BF is controlling. Open your blinds daily stop hiding that's cowering and not being strong. Ask her to come for a chat without him so you can see how he's doing. Ignore him. He is irrelevant for now. You need to get your DD some support. She will need to leave in order to grown some independence of possible. Tell them they have one month to get somewhere else to live. Or knock the thing down !

If OP tells DD that as she is so abusive she cannot support her further (the right thing to do), that is completely contradicted by saying she can stay in OP's house for six weeks. As other pps have said, threy both need to go now. Stop being so soft on your DD, it is not helping her. Please get legal advice OP and evict them, notifying the police in case they try to trash the place. As for cutting off services while they are there, please check that it would be legal, so as not to give them any leverage. Good luck with this OP, take care of yourself and your health. Don't leave your home because of them unless you want to move anyway. See a solicitor asap.

I know it will be hard but I agree with you DH and friends. This has gone too far and for too long already. Start legal proceedings to get them both out. Tell your daughter you love her but you cannot continue in this toxic relationship with her.

I also remember the previous thread. I think I wondered then if the DD had some form of PDA and therefore OP was almost 'forced' into a version of gentle parenting where she tried to avoid the word 'no' simply because of the repercussions (and yes, I am VERY well aware that that's not how you treat a child with PDA, just that OP might have been dealing with this without help and not realised).

I think the time has arrived for a great big 'NO!' They both need to leave, but you need to be prepared, OP, because I doubt they will go easily and they will try to destroy as much as they can on their way. Your little separate house might be set on fire, as they attempt a true version of 'scorched earth' on their way. I have no idea how you are going to prevent this from happening, but good insurance might help.

They arent paying their debt, so financially them staying or going makes no difference.

For your own peace get them both out. I might give dd an option to stay alone, if she gets a job and saves a deposit to leave within 6 months. I wouldnt want her paying off the debt as it is too difficult a relationship to have her live there long term.

Don't be guilted by their "cant afford to eat" i wouldnt be able to afford to eat either if I stopped working.

Both need to go op your husband and friends are right. Serious wake up call might be only thing that works here.

OP sorry you are going through this. My advice is to evict them both and rent out the granny flat to recoup your money. You daughter needs to learn to be responsible and clearly she's not going to do that while you are footing the bill.

This sounds so difficult. Could you evict them and use the annex as a holiday let to try and generate some income?

Yep
For someone who is all about gentle parenting, she sure does come across as a bit of a tyrant.

I think you need to evict them both . In the meantime is there a way to cut the electric off to the granny flat ?

I think this is harsh actually.
We have a poster who sounds pretty fragile and you tell her to "don't shit on gentle parenting" 😯
To me it seems like you couldn't resist getting a kick in.

In the short term, can you get bills separated out so that they have to pay for electricity etc direct?

So you own the land and live in the house on the land. And there is now a granny flat on the land as well? I take it, that is legal, yes?

So if they weren't living there, you could rent it out to cover the costs/get your money back, yes? Or is renting out a GF not allowed in your council area?

If you have a tenancy agreement, you need to follow the steps in it.

If you have no tenancy agreement with them, you'll need police to move them out. ie they abuse you, you call the police and tell them you want these people removed.

I would turf him out without question, and swiftly followed by your daughter I'm afraid. I would also make sure I have cameras set up in case they do kick off and damage your property