Remove verbally abusive boyfriend out the granny flat

So what happens now? Bailiff's and the police?

Oh wow, so his tears were crocodile then !

im sorry but I would just evict them both it’s time for tough love. She hasn’t respected your wish for him to leave so she has to go too.

my heart goes out to you it really does, we love our children do everything we can to help them then they kick you. You need to show her that enough is enough,

After all they've done how can you be so naive as to think he wouldn't be back?

Evict both. It's the only way.

The gentle parenting approach has resulted in this situation which sounds absolutely intolerable.
i haven t read the full thread, but I’d get legal advice to get them both out asap, then get in new tenants.
They are treating you with absolute contempt

Why did the solicitor suggest keeping DD there and not him rather than going forward with evicting them both? Otherwise it was inevitable he'd be back- and he could say - oh but I was just visiting DD.

I'd get them both round and say that you will sell the house if they don't immediately start making larger payments, she needs to get a job, and he needs to respect the eviction. Once they've paid the home back they can do as they like - elsewhere.

This is entirely predictable. You can’t be surprised surely? You need your DD out too, that’s the only way forward. You have appeased and appeased. It doesn’t work. You will end up destitute and ill. You need to toughen up, get them both out and probably go no contact, for sometime at least.

You can’t expect any change in their behaviour, especially as they clearly don’t believe you’ll follow through on what you say. Stop feeling sorry for them, think of what this is doing to you. Stop engaging with them. They are abusers.

I'm sorry for you, but it's unsurprising that he would come back when DD is still there and it appears she would clearly want him there.
Also unsurprising given that they've both been lying about many things for months (e.g. that they'd pay the loan etc etc)

You'll need to evict both of them, and probably sell the house unit or rent it to someone else so there's no way they can return.

It must be a really difficult situation, I'm so sorry you're experiencing this.

Oh I empathize OP. As someone who has retired fairly recently I would say that to some extent it is all about the money. You have worked hard all your life and now have to work out how you are going to support yourself. That is not a trivial matter. You have tried to help your daughter which was very generous and it is so sad that she has taken advantage and thrown it back in your face.

I hope that the lawyer can find a way to evict both boyfriend and daughter. Getting rid of only the boyfriend will not work. She will find a way to get him back. Then you need to sell or get new tenants. I suspect selling is the best solution because then there is no turning back.

Good luck and stay strong.

WHAT?

Evict them then rent or sell the cottage. Don't give anymore money

@Mumofadultkid no matter how tough your upbringing was, or how toxic your mother is, that DOES NOT give you the right to go from FT to PT work, claim you have no money, default on your rent payments from day 1, refuse to pay utilities, tell your landlord they’re a narcissist, and tell your landlord to fuck off. Even if your girlfriend encourages you to do it. He is a fully grown man who is responsible for his own actions, who now finds himself in the Find Out phase of FAFO.

Well of course. Couldn't possibly be that the woman is the wrong'un.

Could he be the cause of her deterioration in behaviour? It’s a very common tactic for abusers to drive a wedge between their victim and their family.

I absolutely agree you cannot allow your guard down where your daughter is concerned. She is clearly the cause of all his nastiness toward you. She has played him off against you. Hopefully he will wake up and see her for the manipulative and dangerous piece of work she really is. But you also need to see it and not end up letting her stay there herself. She needs to leave your property.

The boyfriend absolutely needed to be evicted, he has been horrible to OP. One down, one to go.

Crocodile tears OP. Thats how he gets his own way, by manipulating people into feeling sorry for him when he shit hits the fan. Do NOT back down. Now you need to get your daughter out.
I’m afraid that relationship is likely broken.

Let this be a lesson to the gentle/useless parenting brigade.

Now you need to get her out. Get her paying bills or evict her. She needs to learn how to adult or f-off.

Get rid of both of them and let them stand on their own two feet.
Tough parenting is the only way forward for these two.
I had to do this to adult DS a few years ago and he has certainly learnt a life lesson from it. One he desperately needed to learn. Spoiling your kids and giving them everything stops them from developing normally and learning how to be a responsible adult.

Also, why are so many parents so terrified their kids will go NC that they let them get away with murder? Let them, as Mel Robbins says. In this economy, they will come charging back.
It's not my intention to sound smug. My DC are by no means perfect. But at least I only have to deal with them, not their partners.

This is why I don't and never will allow my DCs's partners in my home. Not even for an overnight stay. They will end up living with me. My DC can stay as long as they like. Their partners, never.

It will be hard but you are doing the right thing for you both and your daughter. Now stay strong and don’t weaken! Repair your relationship with your son too. You can do this, your daughter needs to grow up and take responsibility for her life and you need to encourage this.

You aren’t disagreeing with gentle parenting though. What you have described is being permissive. It doesn’t sound like you’ve actually parented her you’ve just let her do whatever she wants and now you are dealing with the consequences.

It isn’t about hitting a nerve, it’s people like you that call shit parenting gentle parenting that makes others think it’s ridiculous. A quick google search would literally give you the definition.

Get a restraining order on him. Use that email as evidence of abuse.

You need to get him far away from you.

Given your last update, I feel a tiny bit sorry for him OP. You say yourself he's had a really difficult life so he sounds quite vulnerable. It also sounds as though he's been manipulated heavily by your DD and has formed his opinions based on her lies.

Of course you were right to still evict him and fair play to you for standing your ground when it would have been much easier to give in to make things all nice.

I agree with PP - it's your DD who needs to feel the consequences because it sounds as if she's the driver in all of this.

Do you have any idea what their plans might be?