Am I being a spoilt brat here?

Yes. You sound ungrateful! My family member was gifted money for something they really needed and all other siblings got the same to do what they wanted with it. So the answer to your question is YES

“They will neither notice nor care for the monies sent.”

How do you know? It might have been a fortuitous windfall that has enabled them to improve their health in ways that they don’t choose to disclose. Talk about glass half full, OP - your relative has kindly given you money and you are acting like a green-eyed monster because you’re not the only one to receive a windfall. It’s up to each and every one of us how we choose to spend our money - my luxuries might be your necessities and vice versa. Don’t be so mean-spirited towards your other relatives - be happy that you have come into some money. What you, and they, choose to do with it is an entirely personal matter.

Without that money you wouldn’t have treatment. Your family can’t give you all the money and exclude everyone else it wouldn’t be fair. Yes I get your bitter because they have a better lifestyle but unfortunately that’s life. Please go get some therapy and try and work on your issues.

Maybe I’m in the minority here but I totally get what op means and it does seem hard that others who don’t need it and want appreciate it get additional money whereas she needs the money.
i also think it’s sad that those family members are also happy to have much higher standard of day to day living and let their relative struggle.
i wish you all the best op xxx

Oh dear. I'm so sorry that you're so unhappy and also struggling with an illness/disability

I can see how lovely it was to be given money to help you through your illness/disability. I would have felt quite special and loved because of the money, which was given to help you

I can understand that the money given to others to "equal it up" could detract from your gift (for you) and detract from the specialness of your gift

Unfortunately people can do what they like with their own money. I think you simply have to feel grateful for YOUR money and try to push aside thoughts of the other gifts

I think my mum would do the same as she would feel bad paying out say 3k for one child, and nothing for the other child. I however can see your point here, and why you’re a bit upset. Really she should have just told her other DC that if they
ever need private medical care, she will fund.

Hahaha!

OP - “am I being a spoilt brat?”

MUMSNET - “hmm, yeah, you kind of are, but we (mostly) empathise and you’ve been really blessed by the money…”

OP - “waaaah, it’s not fair! You’re all SO MEAN. I’m not a brat! EVERYONE else is better off than me! YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND! It’s not faiiiirrrrrrr…”

OP flounces off AND slams the door behind them.

That’ll show us!!

@alittlebitlessofme - are you 5?

I went through similar. My mum gifted me £5,000 as we were struggling and sent the same amount to my siblings, who had money. They booked holidays and I paid bills. She wanted to keep it fair and for no one to fallout. I understood completely and appreciated it.

I get it op but you can't be ungrateful unfortunately they did give you money after all and they didn't have to. What else can they have done given you more to counteract you spending all on treatment it sucks but it is what it is and I'm sorry about your illness wishing you the best.

Sorry you haven’t had a good summer; that sucks.

I will know soon enough if treatment is working. Health really is everything.

Well, Op, had they described the money to you also as 'fun money' that might have been worse.

It is unfair that you have a chronic condition.
It doesn't mean that others should not have fun.

Reality is that you can now spend some of your own money (which you did not spend on treatment) on having some fun.

I hope your cancer treatment is working and you are OK. I was feeling sorry for myself, having had a rubbish Summer break. But you have brought me to my senses. I have my health.

From the posting history I’m guessing it’s a weight loss treatment (surgery? WLIs?, something along those lines).

You might think they’ve not given you any money for fun things, but they’ve given you the opportunity to improve your quality of life so that you can do fun things. There are people doing this without wealthy family members picking up the cost. If it matters to you, you’ll find a way,

Yes you're being brattish. Your relative giving other family members hasn't taken it away from you. And it isn't your place to direct how someone else spends their money, or how a gift should be received by others. Focus on yourself and be less ungrateful when people do nice things for you.

Spoilt brat? Q.E.D. You answered your own question, OP.

OP flounces off, never to be heard of again.

It's a you problem, not a they problem.

They can do whatever they want with their money. They don't have to give it to you or to anyone you mentioned at all.

Each of you who benefitted should be grateful. Each has different needs and purpose to use the money. These may be more or less fun and necessary which is not fair. Life isn't fair. Your starting presumption is wrong and that's on you.

You're not entitled to more or to be spoken to extra sensitively like you seemingly expect by someone who has already helped you more than expected.

I agree with this and can resonate.

I am undergoing cancer treatment. I work in a school and my entire summer break has been spent either in hospital, on treatment or in bed. Do I begrudge my colleagues a decent break, going to fun places? No I don’t. Shit happens and life isn’t fair. Don’t be bitter that you have to fund your treatment from gifted money OP. Be grateful!

Yes you're being a spoilt brat I have a lot of medical conditions and due to this i have to use all of my holiday from work on medical appointments and the rest unpaid leave. But do I think just because I have to do this that my colleagues shouldn't get to actually enjoy their holidays and have fun no as their lives have nothing to do with me and im happy for others. If you genuinely need treatment that the nhs doesn't cover you will be able to claim pip which will then cover your treatment.

Well, if you wanted resounding recognition of your bratty character, you’ve earned it with your additional posts.
Good grief, you’ve shown not a jot of gratitude, just begrudgery about others. You were given kindness and material generosity by a family member, yet you automatically turned it into a festering resentment.
That’s no way to behave, and what’s more this mean spirit will surely be the cause of such mental health problems as you experience way before the actions of others might ever be responsible. If you can’t bring yourself to be civilised and mature with your family, do it for your own sake.
The attitude of gratitude really is a marvellous health supplement.

Sorry, but you lost me that that outrageous outburst. How can anyone possibly answer your own question - in the title, with you refusing to give the info required ? Evidently you believe that you might be a spoilt brat and I'm going along with your suggestion that you are. On the basis of evidence. Otherwise, don't ask impossible-to-answer questions.

But it is a choice?

It's the right choice. And I've already acknowledged that if there's something that could make a difference to quality of life, of course you'd move heaven and earth to get it.

What do people do when they don't have the money? They don't get the treatment. Because they don't have that choice.

If you have access to the money to pay for it, even if that makes things really tight, then you are making a choice to pay for it. And god knows, I wish we all had that choice, I really do. We all know that the NHS only pays for the essentials, the bare minimum. Alive, not thriving. We know this, unfortunately.

So yes, OP is making a choice to spend money on private treatment. Because lots of people won't be able to pay for private treatment and therefore don't have that choice.

Maybe my phrasing was off (I'm autistic). By lifestyle choice I don't mean like botox or fillers etc. A random example - specialised physiotherapy/hydrotherapy that helps you keep moving for longer. It would be a "choice" to pay for that but the benefits could be very significant and improve your long-term prospects of staying mobile.

Making the choice to invest in your personal health and wellbeing isn't a bad thing nor a critcism - and that's the third time I've said this now! I'm glad she's able to do something to help her and I'm glad that the money from her relative will ease the financial burden somewhat.

I think what you’ve said about it being a ‘lifestyle choice’ is so very very unfair of you. How on earth do you know what OP is having to deal with or just how it is affecting them and their life? I have a health condition and while I’m on the NHS for it, the treatment offered is extremely limited and so I have resorted to private treatment too to try and get some relief. This treatment should absolutely be offered on the NHS but it’s not so I know have complete sympathy with the OP.

While not entirely the same, I know someone’s grandmother who left them out of their will because they had a different father to the other daughters, as his income was higher. It was all very dehumanising and just made her feel like she wasn’t valued as an equal granddaughter. I think your relative was just trying to ensure everyone was treated equally, despite everyone’s individual circumstances. Compared to the alternative, that’s probably the nicest option.