Am I being a spoilt brat here?

See I disagree with that. My teens get the same pocket money but I spend different amounts on them depending on what they need. Hobby X costs £50 and hobby Y costs £75 but I dont randomly give x an extra £25 for the "difference". If one needs a new laptop that happens but I don't bung the other one £500 quid to even the score. They'll get theirs WHEN they need a new one. My parents help one sibling more than another due to circumstances. Funds are limited so they are directed to best effect. It's like that equality Vs equity image with the boxes and the fence.

That isn't necessarily fair, it's equal. Being equal matters to you and that's ok. I clean/do washing for my autistic DD, so she can work the hours she does. I also manage a lot of her admin etc. I could cut down and equally do the same for my NT DD, but that would just be equal and not fair.

I don't know why people post on AIBU and then when people constructively point out that they are being unreasonable/suggest different ways to reframe it, say things like 'Ok I get it. I’m awful and should just let myself rot in a corner' and then try to blame others for their 'fragile mental health'. It's really manipulative.

Your family member gave you a wonderful gift that will benefit you greatly. That is the beginning and the end of it.
What they choose to do with the rest of their money, whether they choose to go on a world, cruise, give it the cat and dogs home or buy a fleet of luxury cars does not affect you in any way. It doesn't reduce the value of their gift to you.
I think it would be different if you had approached them for help. If one of my children asks for help I gladly give it if I can and don't keep score. That is completely different to giving an unsolicited substantial gift. Then I make sure that I give to them all evenly.
By giving a gift to all your siblings they are sending the message that they love you all equally. Surely that's what all siblings want.

This is a situation were money has been distributed equally, but unfortunately equal doesn't equate to fair. It's compounded your feelings around your disability and how bloody unfair the whole situation is. The family member should have been more sensitive and it has bought up the fact that the rest of your family don't have the awareness they perhaps should about your struggles and situation. You need to just focus on you and what a bonus this money has been.

Is it a parent?

If we give money to one adult DC for something they need but can’t afford then we would always give the same amount to their sibling. Because that is the fair thing to do.

OP, if you’re still reading, I don’t think there’s a one word answer to this.

Firstly, your relative is very generous. That’s all there is to it. You haven’t explained the family dynamics here, but it’s possible he was just trying to keep everything level to avoid conflict within the family, and also enable you not to have to keep a gift secret. His wording was insensitive but you haven’t explained to suck that up.

Secondly, life has clearly dealt you a poor hand, and how you feel about that is how you feel about it. No-one on here knows whether being angry and resentful of others’ good fortune is your usual position, or whether you are 99% Pollyanna and this is just you having an understandable moan.

Thirdly, anyone who thinks the NHS provides all necessary treatment in a timely manner is delusional. It doesn’t. Clearly definitions of “necessary” vary, but there’s a significant difference between accessing weekly physiotherapy to remain mobile, or psychotherapy for cPTSD, and getting weight loss injections if you are not T2 diabetic.

Fourthly, I think that it was a poster saying that this must be a lifestyle choice that made you lose your rag? I think that was a shitty thing to say to you.

Good luck. My advice? Don’t post on AIBU.

Before you all pile on and give the poor woman a good kicking, perhaps stop and think for a moment that there's a human being on the other side of the screen whose been through an awful lot.

Posting abuse and character assassinations might just be enough to push someone over the edge. Think on that before you take a swipe for fun.

Wow what an ignorant post. A friend has a son with cerebral palsy. NHS treatment gets him so far but their life is a constant round of fundraising for additional therapies and physio to help him gain and keep movements and skills. But yeah..lifestyle 🙄

They have given the same amount of money to the other relatives to keep things fair, it’s been poorly worded by them.
They should have either said nothing as you don’t need to know what they do with their money, or just say that they have given the same amount of money to others to keep things on a level field.
It only human to feel resentment when you are up against it and others aren’t and seem to be having all the luck/fun.
When you’re down to your last few £’s and trying to live and others are given a little extra they don’t need and are spending it on jolly things you’d have to be a saint not to grumble you yourself.
I think the person handing out the money it’s doing the right thing in handing over equal portions and that people can do whatever they want with it, I’m sorry you’re going through such a hard time, chronic illness/disability is such a struggle.
For those saying if it’s not funded by the NHS it can’t be necessary, the nhs is on its knees.
I have a relative with a chronic life altering illness, it’s affected the rest of their body and they had to retire super early (40’s) because of it. They have limited mobility in various joints, they cannot have their current worse joint replaced on the nhs as they still have 20% mobility in it… They can’t put on a jumper, wear a coat with sleeves or reach anything out of cupboard above their chin height but they aren’t ‘bad’ enough to need it replacing yet.
Im guessing OP that this isn’t going to be the last treatment you have to try and fund to keep yourself as mobile as possible, I hope things become a little easier for you.

Yes OP, you are being very ungrateful.

Agree, wonder if op is infamous in family for the bratty, martyrdom as displayed here.
'Infamy, infamy, they've all got it infamy...'

If I was your family member I’d take the money back. You have shown not one iota of gratitude for what you have been given, just bitched and moaned that others got money too.
You are correct - you ARE a spoiled brat

OP did you just throw a MN tantrum?

@alittlebitlessofme

I have sympathy for you.

Seems like it's for weightloss support following cancer treatment and you've got quite a significant amount to lose.

It must feel like life is really unfair to face one battle after another when others appear to be cruising through life.

Please try to reframe it in your mind as the chance to have a reset on your life. Rushing off to spend money on holidays is a short term, artificial high, so whilst they'll enjoy it it's over in weeks and quickly forgotten when you get home. Losing the weight and overcoming cancer is absolutely game changing and will be the start of a new chapter for you.

Your relative meant well. There was no malicious intent. Just try to focus on that and how much better your life will be this time next year.

Good luck to you. You are not a brat just someone whose faced a lot to deal with and sounds like she needs a boost.

This post beautifully illustrates how comparison is the thief of joy.

You did ask if you sound bratty and you do.
You were managing to find the money before the relative gave you some so you need to see it as a gift that you are able to choose how to spend.
For many people it’s very important to be equal in how they give out their money. My parents always give me the same as my sibling if they’ve asked for some help and vice versa.
unfortunately life isn’t fair and some people wil always have more money and different lifestyles.
but take this gift for what it is to you rather than comparing to others.

Yes you are being a complete brat.

I mean, you do sound quite bratty.

What did you want to happen? Did you want your other relatives to be given nothing? Or did you want your generous relative to give you more money so you could have fun money too? Or would you rather they hadn’t given you anything if they were going to give to other family members too?

In your shoes I would be overjoyed that I had been given money because I could do with it too. You are not the only person in the world who has money worries and you are not the only person in the world who has health problems. I have both too, as lots of people do.

You cannot get so upset with posters OP about your condition. You have given limited information and it would be a stretch to think that the NHS doesn’t cover something so essential so unless you tell people what it is you are going to have to accept that there will be assumptions made.

You have no idea what the other family members will use their money for. It could be fun or they may need something too.
your relative worded it poorly though.

I think the family member didn’t have to give any of you any money. If they hadn’t of done you would be in a harder position financially. I think you need to consider it’s more about your experience and being misunderstood by the family member about your condition.

YABU

That family member just wanted it to be fair and treat everyone equally.

They shouldn’t have to and the others shouldn’t have accepted it but that’s nothing to do with you.

Honestly you posted asking if you were being a spoilt brat and you are.
Your family member had very kindly given you money and you’re moaning about it.

I hope you’ve not said anything in RL else no one will ever help you again.

You're not being a brat, OP.

Being a brat would mean kicking off in front of the relative who has given you the money or the others who have also received money about how it's not fair.

Of course it's not fair. As lovely as it was for your relative to help you out, being given money to spend on medical treatment you need but are struggling to afford isn't a treat. It's more of an attempt to reduce the inequality between you, a person whose quality of life is affected by a medical condition, and other people who are lucky enough not to be in that situation.

From your relative's point of view, they want to help you but also don't want to show favouritism. By their logic, in offering the same money to other family members, they have evened things up after helping you by treating everyone the same. But from your point of view, people who can already afford to treat themselves have been given money for an extra treat, and you're the only one without a treat because you've got to spend that money on medical costs, through no fault of your own. It feels like yet another unearned windfall for people lucky enough to not have a medical condition like yours.

Your relative isn't wrong to do what they have done (they actually sound very lovely), but in telling you that they have also given money to everyone else, they have inadvertently highlighted the inequality in the situation.

Their focus is on equality (treating everyone the same) rather than equity (giving people what they actually need to level the playing field).

I'm quite sure your relative didn't mean to make you feel this way and would be upset if they realised how it has made you feel.

Unfortunately there's nothing you can do except accept it with a good grace and just use the gift as it was intended.