Am I being a spoilt brat here?

The difference is, my children don’t expect it and I don’t tell them. And I am
not talking about large sums of money.

But in the future if one needed a big amount for say a house deposit and the other didn’t I would make sure the other had the equivalent.

But without making a big song and dance about it.

Do you dislike the other recipients OP? You sound quite bitter about it. Just because someones income is high doesnt mean they do not appreciate a gift from a loving family member and high income often means high outgoings. I think you are only damaging yourself by seeing the negatives in this gift to your other family members. It sounds like you are in a bad place with health and finances and projecting this unhappiness into finding upset in a nice gesture.
Just focus on yourself and with the gifted money, I would just try and be happy for the recipients and if you can't then just don't think about it, as the negative thoughts will just damage your own happiness and won't change the situation anyway.

I had the same situation with my sister (in that she got given money to fund a second round of IVF) - but I didn’t get the same amount of money - why would I? I didn’t need it. I wasn’t treated “unfairly” because I didn’t get it.

Feeling sad about the unfairness of life is utterly ridiculous?

Aren’t you a peach.

When my parents gave me money to fund IVF, they gave my sibling exactly the same. My sibling is wealthier than us and I don’t know if/ how they spent it. I’m incredibly grateful for the money and don’t feel it’s any of my business what my sibling did/ does with their finances. Nor do I feel my sibling and their children should be treated unfairly just because I was unfortunate enough to suffer with infertility. It might help to look at your situation similarly; it’s really unfair that you have health issues but it’s not the other relatives’ fault, the person has done a kind thing by giving you the money and it will hopefully mean you are able to get the support you need. Ideally they’d have just kept it factual when telling you “I’m giving X and Y the same to keep things fair” but nobody can change that now. Best of luck with your treatment, I hope it goes well

Absolutely agree. I feel bad criticising the NHS as I've met so many fabulous NHS staff recently, so, so much kindness and people who have done their absolute best. But they are fighting against a system that is on its knees.
No one seems to be able to see a middle ground between the NHS and a corrupt US style system, yet it exists in many countries.

But still, her reaction is utterly ridiculous.

I don’t.

I don’t have an issue with acknowledging the OP’s feeling of sadness (she never said she was offended?) and that the relation in trying to be fair has actually (and I agree with this) been unfair. I have no idea why the relation would tell the OP this and phrase it in the way they did, either.

So my take would be that the OP is not U to feel this, but that there’s nothing to be done about it and how to help her move forward.

It definitely is. It was never set up to cover the vast range of things it does now. It does emergency and trauma care really well, but long term health needs are not within its capacity to fully cover, and as a country we need to have some difficult conversations around changing our system to a more mixed insurance/state system like many other European countries. But no government is brave enough to take on this

The family member made it her business by telling her. And she never said she wasn’t grateful.

Could you claim PIP to help cover the costs of treatment. That's what it's thete for, to help maintain independence for as long as possible. I know it's not easy, I found it really hard to claim as it was admitting to myself I had a disability, and the process itself is quite intrusive, bit it could help fund this treatment which you find helpful.

It’s literally none of your business who your family member gives money to. I have a chronic illness that is under treated due to NHS, I’d love to be able to have the funds to have treatment on the side privately to help me. I can’t, as I don’t have the money spare every month and my family don’t have money. Be grateful.

But your condition isn't covered by the NHS? That would suggest your private treatment is a lifestyle choice rather than a genuine necessity. And by that I mean it improves your quality of life but isn't something that is absolutely required. What would you do if you couldn't find the money for private treatment? Presumably struggle along without it?

Lol. I used to think like that too, until I got cancer. You think the NHS will provide everything you need to stay alive , then think again. I'm bloody grateful that I have health insurance, the NHS is just firefighting.

It really and whole others are saying the OP is a brat, I think your DC (and others in this thread who would agree with you) sound like brats.

I’m reminded that my mum have my sister money to pay for her second round of IVF. I didn’t get that same amount of money, nor did I ever expect to - why would I? I didn’t need it.

Equally when DH and I were worrying about the state of secondary schools round here, my DSis said that she thought our mum would help with school fees (that she wouldn’t need as she was in a good place for secondaries) if needed (it wasn’t in the end).

It has never occurred to me (and to be honest I’d forgotten all about it until reading this rather unpleasant thread) to begrudge the money my mum gave my sister. She’d been struggling with conception for years! Had been poked and prodded and treated for years! And had a first failed IVF as well!!

Only a spoilt brat would expect the same money.

OP, I'm totally with you on this. I'm a chronic illness sufferer and pay a small fortune in treatments and supplements just so I can function and stay mobile. Unfortunately, my experience is that no-one truly understands what this life is like and I've had so many people say hurtful and thoughtless things over the years. I've now grown a thick skin and a 'don't give a fuck' attitude and it has served me well. I also have a relative who is obsessed with things being equal, eventhough those benefitting are in very different circumstances. I'm afraid that's life sometimes...things aren't fair and we have to manage the best we can. Your relative is being kind to help you out but the way they presented it was thoughtless. Take a deep breath and continue your treatment and try to accept that everybody has their own lives and experiences and we can only control what we do and how we react, not other's actions. Much love for the future ❤️

I agree with you. If your relative had the money spare it should have been between the two of you. Of course there a big difference between giving money to someone in need and fun money - there is no need to ‘level up’ - in fact you should get the ‘fun’ money on top of the need money.
However it is very tricky. It’s why I would always advocate that people leave money to their children in equal amounts, regardless of relative ‘need’.
Why are you on the breadline? Because of this treatment or lifestyle choices? Or that’s just how it is? How do you know the circumstances of your other relatives? It’s not up to the giver to judge - or is it?
One would hope that your other relatives would be sympathetic to your plight and not expect an equal share in this largess, for example my niece has profound autism and will never be able to live independently - some members of the family have told me their money will go to her, with my children not getting a share. Totally fine and happy with that! But our own parents left things equally between us children. They can see how things are now, but who knows what the future holds?
I hope you get the treatment you need and get back ti good health.

I think she was responding to being told she had made a “lifestyle choice”.

how exactly do you think telling the OP that they are right, when they are wrong, and they SHOULD be offended that a relative did a kind gesture to other family members , HOW would that help in any way?

I agree with this. Its an awful way to post and very manipulative

If you don't want people to disagree with you, don't post asking if you are unreasonable.

Sorry youre having to spend fun money on medical treatment op. Im in the same boat and have been fur many years re spending money on stuff others dont have to.

Everyone else enjoying life. Im just treading water despite being a half decent human being and working enough hours that I should be ok. But I’m not due to the medical costs they don’t have that I need to have any kind of life without horrible symptoms.

Id go back and thank the relative for their gift as it’s very generous.

Very well said

I am genuinely astonished at the number of people who think someone feeling sad is therefore unreasonable for feeling a feeling.

What a bunch of automatons. God forbid anyone should ever have anything other than the perfect feeling in any situation.

I’m with you OP, I would be hurt by this. I’d feel upset.

Do you have dc OP? Maybe if you try to reframe the situation. If you had spare money, and one of your dc was struggling for whatever reason, would you gift just one or all? How would your dc react to the gifting? How would you feel?
The money that has gone to other family members wouldn't have impacted you anyway. You had the amount you had. Which helped to pay for what you needed. What anyone else.does with their money isn't your problem.
Perhaps feeling gratitude for what you have been given, may help to make you feel better emotionally, rather than feeling hard done by.

someone is being generous, and trying to keep things fair. It saves any awkwardness, everybody got the same (say it's parents towards siblings possibly?)

What you do with the money is up to you.

Instead of thinking it's unfair that people got money they can spend towards a luxury holiday and other luxury, just remember that people in the same condition as you won't get any assistance at all, and that's unfair.

No one is being rewarded or punished, it's a generous gift, be thankful but it's unfair to resent others getting the same. The relative could have kept everything and spend it on luxury for themselves.

Just because someone put money towards multiple holidays a year, it's unfair to pretend they won't "notice" a gift. If you are all from the same family, you all started the same, so they must have been working hard to get where they are now. Why should they be punished for it?