Aibu to write this guy off our first night together?

I wouldn’t like the lack of eye contact. Well done for knowing your worth.

We as in all the people on here who have commented that his behaviour was not nice. Not that difficult to understand. If you wouldnt mind being treated like that then thats fine for you.

Who is we? Dont presume a collective I don’t judge him. Don’t judge her
Three dates and sex,mutual and consensual sex. No sinister dynamics
It really doesn’t warrant all this scrutiny and certainly not the presumption of the collective who judge him

You should never make assumptions about all men or all women based on individual stories but we will judge this man for his behaviour.

It’s really not complicated. They had sex and didn’t see each other again
One really cannot extrapolate about men and commitment from this.
It was only three dates in,so no great emotional investment, not a big deal

What you are saying doesnt actually make sense. If a man loses interest in a woman after he has had sex with her because he sees her as losing her value then it wouldn't matter how long she held out before having sex. Once the sex was done he would lose interest, going by your theory.

Well not all men are like this obviously! Lots are , and lots aren’t.
Also for the men who are like this, they do sometimes get in long term relationships, either because they get over their issues or when they find a woman who withholds sex. I had a friend like this, he eventually got married but to a Christian girl who wouldn’t have sex until after marriage. He himself was neither Christian nor a virgin.

Because it's only some men who view women like that. Plenty still look for something meaningful and long term.

But if that’s the case, how come men are in marriages and long term relationships?

Sounds like he gets a thrill from the chase and not much more. If he is happy being single and dating around then ok, but it's an unfortunate mindset if he actually wants something long term. If the latter he could do with talking to a therapist.

‘You not speaking now’ is so arrogant confrontational and aggressive and shows he knows exactly what he’s done and he’s looking for an ego boost and for you to send him a paragraph

He’s not nice, I would feel used if treated like that, he should have sent you a nice text. I don’t think you’ll hear from him again except maybe an attempt at a booty call in a couple of weeks. Prick.

Good for you to take control.

He was spectacularly rude after you'd had sex, both immediately afterwards and the next morning.

The matey texts after a day or so really showed him for what he was. Thankfully you know early doors, before you got really invested.

I'm glad you respect yourself enough to know you deserve more.

It’s not a myth. A lot of men are like this psychologically - it’s because of deep rooted misogyny . Once they have been with a woman she loses her value in their eyes.

I know! He does have (short) relationships but he losses real interest in them as soon as he has slept with them. He is very wealthy and does tend to go for younger women (30s) so maybe that's it?

Yeh you shouldn't treat anyone like that - a guest in your home - if you slept with them or otherwise. Its just so rude and cruel.

Personally I would have said it to him afterwards in a message. Something like, 'You were extremely rude to me last night and this morning, and I was a guest in your home. I don't allow people like that in my life'. Then I would have blocked.

But your way works to OP. I just like telling people clearly why I have walked but thats just me. Because I would want him to know it had nothing to do with the sex and everything to do with his appalling manners.

Gosh really? What would be the point. Anything that is good you want to do again? Theres no logic to it is there? mad

I may be wrong/naive, but I really do think its a myth that men pursue and then when they get sex they reject you. The old conquest/notch on bedpost idea. It makes not sense to me why they would do that, so I don't think it exists. If people have a good connection, chemistry and the sex is great why wouldn't they want to do it again? If something is good you want to keep doing it - not one and done. I have never understood this concept and really do believe its a myth - maybe something we tell ourselves to make ourselves feel better perhaps?

Im a strong believer in pheromones - I know not everyone does. But for me it doesn't matter how gorgeous and scintillating a man is, if the phermones dont do it for me its just not gonna happen.

That said, i still think this man was spectacularly rude to turn his back on you and not give you eye contact - and then to reduce contact by short messages was just weird. If I wasn't feeling it (and Ive been in that awkward position many times in the last 8 years) Im totally kind and polite (but not overly gushy), and then make my excuses later. Very clear, but kind, and I don't do the gradual fade. Sounds like he still wanted the ego boost of you dangling. Which is embarrassing for him.

@Beachtastic the decent thing to do, which would have showed that he valued OP, would of been to have you know, maybe asked if she wanted to get breakfast? Given it was a Sunday morning that’s not unreasonable. Instead he priority his own needs, as through she was in the way, and rushed her out at 7am.

OP has got enough self worth that she’s cottoned onto him straight away and isn’t entertaining him which is quite right!

Hi @KookySnail I think you have handled this very well and been strong. It must have been very hurtful how he treated you after so I think you did the right thing.
How dare he make you feel like that!

As a side note I have a male friend who is still single at 48. He would love a relationship but he says he genuinely losses interest once he has slept with his dates. It's just something in him that switches off. Some men are strange creatures!

The total lack of eye contact and the immediate turning of his back to the OP would seal his fate for me, and immediately going early to the gym in the morning, that is so unbelievably rude. Even if he isn't a cuddler at night (I'm not), a brief hug and kiss afterwards before going to sleep and then coffee together in the morning would have been sufficient to show their interest and keenness, he didn't because he wasn't.

His actions said more than his words ever did. He was a player and it was the chase. Even down to ensuring the venue for their date was near his home🙄

You are far better away from him OP, he'll be a nightmare. I think you have responded exactly right with him.

Yes and the poster seems to have forgotten the total lack of eye contact which I thought was really bad.

Yes and the poster seems to have forgotten the total lack of eye contact which I thought was really bad.

I stand corrected on the busy work day ahead... 😔 I pictured the whole thing differently, having misread your OP!